SP ladies who are in limbo....
I just want to say to all of you who are dealing with a relationship where you are in limbo, take this time to figure out what YOU want.
As SPs it's very hard to be selfish, and to think of anyone but our children. However, think about what you want and deserve from a relationship. Be honest with yourself about the other person. Do they have a history of being selfish? Have they done this sort of thing before? Even if they came back, do you think they would do it again? Would you take them back because you truly want to, or because you are afraid of being alone and raising a child alone? Are they really taking time for themselves, or could there possibly be a third party involved?
And know this: you deserve to not have someone put you through anguish while they go on their merry way. Many of you have mentioned that the other person is acting immaturely and is out partying, acting young, shirking responsibilities, etc. How much thinking are they really doing and how much respect are they giving you, the mothers of their children?
And most of all, consider individual counseling. When I first went to my counselor I was in a similar situation, although we were technically still together. I was so broken, I just wanted my husband back. It didn't matter what he did, I was willing ot forgive and forget for the sake of our family. Looking back now, I hardly recognize that woman. I was in a very bad place. A place I would never want to be at again, and a place that I would never wish upon anyone else, especially all of you.
GL with whatever you decide, but most of all, know that you deserve the very best!
Re: SP ladies who are in limbo....
This in itself is scary. Re-read what you just wrote. Is there anyone in your family who can help you financially until you get on your feet? He is controlling you and manipulating you with money. That is a power trip and a way to keep you down.
I'm in a state of limbo from a legal sense, however, I have my mind up that I will be filing for divorce. I'm having "the talk" with H after the 1st of the year and I believe he won't fight me on it. I'm hoping that we can have an amibical (sp??) divorce and remain civil like we have been for DS's sake.
H has done everything but use our time apart to "figure things out". I went to counseling on my own and it really helped me to get a grasp on things. I found an inner strength that told me that I don't deserve this and I'm not the reason my marriage fell apart. Well, not the sole reason anyway, like H had led me to believe. I've done my part in trying to restore our marriage and I know that will never happen. At least I'm walking away with a clear mind and sense of peace.
You seem extremely content with what you are going to do. That's the best sort of feeling to have when/if you decide to leave. No anger. No hurt. You just know that you tried everything and it is done. I believe the feeling is ambivalent.
Thanks...I needed to read this right now.
You're amazing.