Advice?

Ashlee Chapple

My fiance were high school sweet hearts in a way, we met his senior year and started dating, recently he left me knowing i was pregnant, im almost three months pregnant now and im scared to death to do this all on my own. He told me he was happy and that he was always going to be there to take care of us and yet He kicked me out of our apartment that we had together a week ago to start seeing someone else and because he's trying to get rid of the responsibility of a child. I never expected anything like this from him. He even went as far to make sure their was no way i can contact him and his family is supporting him in this. Im only going to be 19 when i have my baby, he'll be twenty next month. I know we're both youg but this is a mistake I am more than willing to live out, i already love my baby and i want the best for him or her, im just scared and i would reallyy love any advice..

r9stedt

Hi, I just replied to you on your post on parenting. 

Sounds like he is done, and if that is the case, there is nothing you can do.  

The best thing you can do for yourself and your unborn child is to take care of yourself.   Make choices that lead to a healthy pregnancy, and ensure the safety of your child.

What specifically are you looking for advice on?

Ashlee Chapple

how i could do this on my own..i know im not going to be everything on my own but like maybe little tips or something, i mean they write all these books on parenting ad theirs mommy and daddy sections but theirs no manuel or anything on how one person can do it lol. i just know that my brother and i grew up our whole lives with just a mom, i know we were better off without my father in our lives but i dont want the life i had for my kids. its almost impossible to afford everything for the baby and rent and food at a minimum wage job. im just scared and looking for some help..

BostonGayGal

Are you living on your own now and are you planning to after the birth?  Do you have your mother's support?  What are your plans for child care after the birth or will you not be working?

Buy everything at second hand stores, Craigslist, or ask at church.  (Best to buy crib and car seat new but there are cribs @$100.)  Breast feeding will save money if it works out. 

 

Ashlee Chapple

my mom supports me, but she moved away before the father and i split up so i cant rely on her or anything, im sharing an apartment with my cousin and paying half of everything but she expects me to be out by the time the baby comes and i dont see how thats going to happen.

DarthNBJenni

I would look into government programs. You should qualify for healthcare for you and your unborn child, possibly food stamps, subsidized housing, and childcare so you can work when your baby is born.

BostonGayGal

Have you looked at mother/child shelters in your area?  There is likely something. Contacting your local Child Protective Services might be a way to connect with services, supports and such.

Once the child is born you can get child support, but if the father isn't working that can take a long time and might not be much depending upon his job. 

sweetie0228

You're 19.  You want what's best for your child.  You have a very small almost no support system.  Look into adoption.  There are many open adoptions where you choose the family, they pay medical expenses while you are pregnant and giving birth.

I was 20 and just starting my Junior year in college when I had my DD.  It's something I seriously considered.  My situation was different than yours b/c I was living with my parents and the father's family was really excited for me to have the baby.  But you know what I ended up in an abusive relationship, I dropped out of school b/c the father...my then h refused to work so I went to work supported my whole family...had a second child...then I needed to leave him b/c I couldn't hurt my children anymore by living like that.  I finished school on grants and scholarships that helped to pay for the kid's daycare.  I had the help and support of my whole family who I lived with till I graduated.  I'm in and out of court still trying to make my ex pay the required CS.  He technically has visitation but doesn't try to contact us...and I've worked w/ various therapists to help my children deal with the neglect and abandonment issues that still plague them from their biofather not being in their lives.

It's hard! My kids are now 14 and 11.  I just got remarried to a wonderful man who loves me and the children. I struggled, I cried, I've prayed to die in those years.  I'm finally at a point where I absolutely love my life.  While I refuse to play the what if game and try to imagine my life differently, please think about it from someone who has traveled the road you are looking at...there is another option.  A very good, selfless, better life for the baby option.

I know you want to keep this baby and love him or her and have them love you.  But it's hard and you can't feed and clothe a baby on Love.  My true advice to you , to my cousin who had a baby at 14, to many people who apparently I made it look too easy to be a single parent...give the baby up for adoption, go back to school get your degree and go on with your life.  I'm not saying you will forget and if you choose a open enough adoptive family you will still have a connection and updates about your child.