SD is upset about Halloween.

taagent

SD has never done the whole Halloween thing with BM.  She has always gone with DH (and then DH and I).  For the last few years BM's excuse has been that her bf isn't much into that kind of thing so she let DH taker her - but then would always end up taking her son and bf's daughter at the last minute.

Last year SD mentioned she wanted to go trick or treating with BM but once again BM said no, just go with daddy, maybe next year.

So this year I talked to SD about whether she wanted to do Halloween with us or BM because Halloween happens to be our drop off day.  She said she wanted to go with BM.  I told her that was fine, but she needed to talk to BM about it sooner than later because she may assume SD will just go with us again this year.

DH got a text message today from BM saying SD was upset.  BM is having carpal (sp?) tunnel surgery on the 24th and said that she won't be "up" to taking SD (8) trick or treating.  SD was upset because she really wanted to go with BM this year since she has never gone with her.  SD got on the phone and I reminded her about the costume she was interested in wearing at our house (Hannah Montana).  Eventually she was mildly okay with it.

I personally think that BM's excuse is just that, Halloween is 8 days later and it isn't like she will have to do anything, SD can get dressed on her own, carry her own bag, ring the doorbell herself etc.  BM just has to walk. 

What do you ladies think?

Mrs.Sesa

That sucks for your SD that her BM is just making up excuses.

I would just keep telling your SD how much fun it's going to be and much candy she is going to yet.

I hope she feels better about it.

leslie_ina_dres

Well it stinks that SD wants to do Halloween with BM but BM doesn't want to do Halloween.  However, maybe BM just doesn't like Halloween.  My mom HATES that holiday and would take us to things but if there was even an opportunity to pawn us off on someone else she would.. 

In my opinion you sort of set SD up to be dissapointed when you asked her if she wanted to do Halloween with mom since you pretty much knew from past experience that mom would  say no.  Next year,  just make your plan and don't set her up to be dissappointed.  Remind SD that this is a special holiday for your family.

hindsight's_a_biotch

I think that knowing full well that her mother isn't going to take her, you guys never should have given her that option.

Yeah, it sucks that BM doesn't want to but such is life. I think you guys should have sympathized with her a little bit quickly moved on and told her how special it is to her father that he gets to take her.

And I don't care if he utterly hates it. Make some oohhing and aahhing over the special memories she and daddy are making and try to take the focus off her mother not doing it.

taagent

First of all, DH LIKES taking her trick or treating, so that isn't an issue...we enjoy going as a family. 

The reason I brought it up is because last year BM did say that she would take her this year, and actually SD remembered that conversation.  What I was honestly afraid of happening was not that BM was NOT going to take her but rather that BM would find out last minute and then SD would have nothing to wear because BM wasn't expecting to have to take her and then SD would be disappointed. 

I should have considered her track record and probably asked DH to check with BM first (honestly it didn't occur to me that she would flake) but at the same time, when do you stop covering for the other parent?

I guess you are damned if you do and damned if you don't. 

I do have to say though it bothers me a little that some of you ladies think that I set SD up for disappointment, that certainly wasn't intentional as I said.

hindsight's_a_biotch

I didn't think you did it on purpose. I just think you gave BM too much credit.