How do i tell my MIL that i don't want her to drive my babies around?

hopeful34

She is watching them 4 days a week at my house until the weather changes then i'll drop them off at her house in the morning. They are only 3mos old and she is already asking me to leave my car so she can drive them to her house or shopping. I'm not ok with this but how can i tell her this without sounding ungrateful for all of her help? I know it's not right to expect her to stay home all day in a house thats not hers but i'm so worried about her driving them. I don't know what to do. I can't afford full time daycare and we are very fortunate that she is going to watch them but...ugh...i sound awful don't i. I'm not saying she can't ever do this but i'm just not ready now. They are too little.

GiGi1221

I understand where you are coming from but I would actually be grateful that she wants to take them out.

Our sitter takes the boys to the library and other outings... they often go the bigger kids school to see performances and concerts.  I think it's great for them to get out and get used to other people.  As far ask sickness goes- Harry has been sick once.  As far as safety goes- I would prefer to keep my family in a bubble but can't live that way- so I've learned to let go and trust that all things happen for a reason!

tiethenot

Does she watch them full time 4 days a weeks or just for a few hours? Do you pay her?

 If she watches them full time I would think about letting her have some "driving privleges." That is a long time to be cooped up in a house with 2 babies. I would ask her to keep them in if the weather is super crappy, but if it is a nice day, why not let her run an errand or go to her house and get a few things done over there.  Go over how to correctly buckle them in (my MIL doesnt like how tight we buckle ours in, but too bad!), keep them covered, have a talk about strangers touching them etc.  If you are paying her for full time care, then I would feel a little better about dictating rules about driving, etc. But in this case it sounds like she is more doing you a favor (I could be wrong).

Temp6313048411121614

Wow, your MIL is watching your kids 4 days per week, for free or cheaper than FT daycare and you won't let her drive them around?  Unless she has a TERRIBLE driving record, I think you're being way over cautious and difficult.  How would you like to be cooped up all day long 4 days per week, not allowed to go anywhere?  I know my babies (DS1 was especially bad) get grumpy when they're cooped up all day.

hopeful34

tiethenot:

Does she watch them full time 4 days a weeks or just for a few hours? Do you pay her?

 If she watches them full time I would think about letting her have some "driving privleges." That is a long time to be cooped up in a house with 2 babies. I would ask her to keep them in if the weather is super crappy, but if it is a nice day, why not let her run an errand or go to her house and get a few things done over there.  Go over how to correctly buckle them in (my MIL doesnt like how tight we buckle ours in, but too bad!), keep them covered, have a talk about strangers touching them etc.  If you are paying her for full time care, then I would feel a little better about dictating rules about driving, etc. But in this case it sounds like she is more doing you a favor (I could be wrong).

No you are right...i am not paying her and yes it's full time. I just don't think she's a very good driver (she's all over the place looking left and right stopping to look at things not caring who is behind her). This is my only fear. I guess a 30 min drive would be ok. I just hope she's careful. I don't want her driving them to albany to visit her other children though and she has mentioned that as well. So perhaps that is where i can draw the line.

jalaiaa

tiethenot:

Does she watch them full time 4 days a weeks or just for a few hours? Do you pay her?

 If she watches them full time I would think about letting her have some "driving privleges." That is a long time to be cooped up in a house with 2 babies. I would ask her to keep them in if the weather is super crappy, but if it is a nice day, why not let her run an errand or go to her house and get a few things done over there.  Go over how to correctly buckle them in (my MIL doesnt like how tight we buckle ours in, but too bad!), keep them covered, have a talk about strangers touching them etc.  If you are paying her for full time care, then I would feel a little better about dictating rules about driving, etc. But in this case it sounds like she is more doing you a favor (I could be wrong).

ditto this... unless she's been in multiple accidents or something.  

JesseKhloe&Me

With my DD I kindly told my MIL that I was so grateful for her to watch DD & that I was so happy that she volunteered because I would feel so much better knowing that they are safe in my home and not being driven around town or watched by strangers. Then I eleborated on the fact that I dont even like DH to drive them around and I would worry way to much thinking about what could happen if they were out and about.

She only watched her a few times a month, but it didnt come up again after that. She would bring what she needed when she came so no trips were needed. I would also call on my lunch break and see if she needed anything and had DH do the same. It doesnt seem very straight forward, but my MIL is super sensitive and would take it personal if we flat out told her no.

I would also put the car seat up so it's not right by the door or ready to go, like a tease. I made sure it was in a place where it was accessible for emergencies (our bedroom), but didnt have it out in the open for "secret trips", which my MIL would try to do.

You have every right to be protective, my MIL still has not driven with my DD in the car & I am so thankful because she does not pay very much attention to her surroundings. 

Hope some of this helps. Good Luck.

MoMandA

I would never let someone drive my children around if I did not feel comfortable with their driving skills. The fact that I felt very indebted to someone would not change that. Because if that person got into an accident with my kids and I could have prevented it and did not because doing so was uncomfortable for me, I would never forgive myself.

That being said, you have to give a ton of leeway to someone who is watching your kids for free. And I totally understand that you would want to make your MIL happy, appear grateful, and not create trouble. So I would simply say that I didn't want them out in the community until their ?# month shots or until the flu season was over. But the reality of your situation is that if you don't trust her driving now, you won't trust it in 4-6 months either. Your babies are going to still be your babies forever, a small passage of time isn't going to change that, and you still won't want them in a car with her. So you need to find new day care.

 

GL

gumiberg

i think its really good for kids to be taken out at a young age.  my kids have been doing daily outings since they were that age and they are wonderful in grocery stores, shopping malls, resturants, etc.  we can do anything.

do you live by stuff?  i mean, she wont have to drive across the state or go on roadtrips, right?

my mom watches them too, part time, and takes them to the Little Gym and the Imaginarium.  I think this is really important for our moms - its a long day when you cant leave the house....

caden

Unless she's been in multiple accidents I don't think you have a right to tell her to stay at your house full-time. That's just too much time cooped up in a house. Your babies need to be outside every once in a while. At 3 months, they're ready even if you aren't. While she might not be the best driver on earth, I have to wonder if you're just being a little too cautious. I know I wouldn't want anyone driving my babies around either, but such is life. It's really unfair of you to ask her to do all that for you and not even let her go out for a few hours. Sorry : (

veronicacorningstone

I am in a very similar situation as you, so I kinda get where you're coming from.  My mother watches my twins from about 8 am - noon at my house.  Granted, she's not cooped up here all day, but she is here 5 days a week.  At this age, no, I would not want her to drive the boys around.  She hasn't asked, but if she did, I would say no.  

Am I extremely grateful for what she's doing?  Why, yes, of course.  But that doesn't mean I am going to let her do something I am extremely uncomfortable with.  Sorry.  I went through too much to have these boys, so I can be protective right now. If she got angry, then she doesn't have to watch them.  She volunteered and as she says "no stranger is going to watch my grandbabies"...so there you go.

I'm not sure of your situation, whether she volunteered and really really wants to watch them, or if you guys asked her.  Either way, I don't see anything wrong with you telling her you're just uncomfortable with them being driven around at this point in time.   If you are concerned about her being home 4 days a week with them, is there any way you can have her keep them just 2 or 3 days  a week?  I don't think she'd go too stir crazy if she stayed home with them 3 days a week.

It's a tough situation.  Good luck!

 

 

Temp159135562506975

i don't blame you... driving around 2 babies is different than just driving- you have to trust that she'll strap them into the car seats properly (and not do it the way SHE thinks it should be done - too loose or something)... and paying attention more than normal- b/c you might have 2 screaming babies in the back.

my mom watches the twins 2 days a month for me- and she doesn't even want to drive them anywhere... and i'm glad. she's got a perfect record- but that doesn't mean she's a great driver... and even she doesn't want that responsibility.  I'm glad.

my MIL - no FVCKNG way would i ever let her drive any of my children- she is horrible at driving - Dh would never allow it either.

I would have your DH tell her HE is not comfortable with her driving them anywhere right now... if it comes from you she'll think it's just her wacky DIL... it needs to come from her son.

i don't think just b/c you aren't paying her means you have to let her do things that make you very uncomfortable.  Does that mean you'll be OK with her feeding your children hotdogs at 5 months old??? I don't think so.... IMO paying someone doesn't  = ability to set "rules" and standards.... leaving someone with your kids- for any reason, means they should follow your instructions, at least a little bit.... and driving them - in YOUR car no less - is not something she can do "a little bit'... it's all or nothing.

sugardrive

well, i think you should leave your car there.  i'm assuming that hers does not have carseats in it?  what happens if there is an emergency and she needs to take them to the hospital?  (sorry to be a debbie downer).  

if i'm being honest, i think that she is doing you a huge favor.  i'd rather mine not be driven around, but her life is kinda on hold by going to your house to watch them.  i would hope she would be smart and not take them out in bad weather, and maybe limit the trips, but i think it is reasonable for her to do errands with them.