Disappointed - Hubby doesn't want to spend night at hospital...

PlannedChaos

So, DH and I were talking about plans for the baby. Which, as you can see by my ticker below, is still 6 months away.  BUT - I'm a planner.  Period.  Anyway - so I was saying we're going to need to line up somebody to stay home with our other kids, DD(14), SD(12), SS(10) and SS(8) while we're in the hospital.  I don't know - I guess I just envisioned that DH would want to spend the nights there with us.

When I had DD, I was a single mom, and I was alone most of the time.  My mom would come up for a few hours, and I had a lot of visitors, but for the most part, I was alone the majority of the time.  With this baby, I just imagined it would be much more of a joint venture, and he'd spend the night with us, and just be there to help with whatever we needed.

Well, apparently DH has other plans.  He figured he'd just stay there until 9 or so, then come home and be with the kids, and the baby and I can wing it on our own until the next morning.  In his mind, if I want to sleep, I can send the baby to the nursery.

AHEM.  I am not  send the baby to the nursery type. 

So I'm bummed.  :-(  I guess I'm still going to be doing a lot of this on my own afterall.

sweetsurrender9

Have you and DH sat down and talked about how important it is to you for him to be there through the night with you?  If you feel this strongly about all three of you being together the first night in the hospital, then I think the best thing that you can do is explain it to DH. 

He probably is looking at it a little more pragmatically than you are, i.e.: there's no point in having a sitter when he can come home and take care of the kids and the nurses in the hospital can take care of you and the baby.  However, if this is something that is important to you, then it's definitely worth a discussion.

hindsight's_a_biotch

I thought I wasn't a send the baby to the nursery type either. Until I realized it would be my last shot at some sleep before I took the baby home. LOL

I wouldn't take it as you doing all this own your own, but more like a challenge to have a deep discussion about your expectations of his involvement both in the hospital and after you get home. Perhaps he would consider a compromise, where he would stay the first night.

Besides, tell his happy behind that you might have the baby at 9pm and his best laid plans to skip out on you will all go to waste anyway.

In all seriousness though, find out how he intends to help after the baby is born. Because that to me, is worlds more important than his plans for two, maybe three nights.

Littlejen22

I sent my DS to the nursery but the third night when I was finally off morphine I lost it and was bawling b/c I felt like a horrible mother and DH was going to come back.  If you feel you need him there then tell him, just tell him that your experience in the past was not great and you really want him there...and that you might change your mind but right now you feel that you need him there.  Also, the day you are in labor you might be there overnight and he needs to stay if you might have the baby.  All that said, my DH went home and came back early but you need what YOU need.

Zoink2008

Coming from someone who just went through it and is also NOT the nursery Mom. He needs to be there.

I went officially into labor at 4am. DH had gotten home from work at 3:30am so he was angry he didn't get sleep. Mind you, I never went to bed that night EITHER! I had major pre-labor contractions since the afternoon before.  He fell asleep in the delivery room after I got the epi and I just laid there wide awake. Then he fell asleep after the visitors left that night after DS was born. I stayed awake almost the entire 48 hours after DS was born b/c I couldn't sleep b/c DH was sleeping most of the time. I took care of DS. It was hard to get him out of the basinette as I could barely get out of bed.

DH is a very attentive guy but during that 48 hours, I needed him most, he griped a lot abt not getting sleep and I was mad at him for it. Come day after we got home from hospital, I had a melt down b/c I had no sleep and was still going through the emotional roller coaster.

Discuss this closer to time. I think discussing it now, he doesn't have the right mind frame.

J&A2008

I was in the hospital for 4 nights.  He stayed with me for 2 nights, alternating with my mom.  I would not have wanted him to stay all 4, as there was little sleeping going on at nights - baby was awake then - and we needed one person "fresh" and alert to deal with the other two older kids.

I agree that your DH might be thinking it's more practical for him to stay home.  If you really want him there, talk it over with him again.  I wouldn't have him stay more than a night, though, as you don't need TWO parents who are cranky and sleep deprived.  You won't be happy with each other, or able to take care of your kids.

SUwife

I'm on the ship that I would want my DH at the hospital the whole time.  Grandparents, other relatives and friends are there to watch your other kids.  I would feel this way with any subsequent kids I have too (although we have a 24 hour option I'd like to do in the future).  Growing up I remember when my brother was born going to my grandparents, and when my cousins were born the older ones would come to either our place, or a grandparents.  Why is this now changing?  For a few days the baby and you can take precedence and the older children can get special attention from someone else.

RenandStimpy

Im sorry. I know how tough it is and how dissapointed you feel.

Ive just came to the conclusion I was always warned about by my grandmothers....it doesnt matter if you have a great man by your side. When you have a baby, its all you, you do it alone no matter what. And in all of my pregnencies in one way or another thats been true.