When to talk about pregnancy

Keri6789

DH and I are kinda trying to get pregnant...We aren't charting or anything like that but we aren't doing anything to prevent it either.  We were talking about how to tell SS that we are pregnant when time comes.  He is 6 right now so we weren't sure what to do.  Also, are we supposed to tell BM that we are pregnant?  I know that we are jumping ahead of things but we were watching tv and just got to talking about it.  What do you guys think??

SUwife

SD used to ask us about when we would be having a baby, and we would just say "one day that we hoped that we would" (she was 4 and 5 at this time). When we did get pregnant we told her when we next saw her (which was at 20 weeks, we're long distance).  She was so excited she wanted to tell her mom.  DH didn't want to shock her so he did start to tell BM over the phone and SD got mad she was like "dad that was my surprise for mom."  So he let her tell her everythign else like when we found out the sex a few days later.

anniya77

We waited until we were about 13 weeks pregnant to tell my SS. He was 4 when we told him. We purchased a desk calendar and put every birthday, activity and holiday we could think for BOTH sides of his family, decorated it really nice and called it "Evan's Baby Countdown" at the top. The calendar traveled back and forth with him between houses and every night, he'd cross off another day.

It's a REALLY long time for kids that age to wait. We waited as long as we could before telling him, and then felt it was important to share it by the 2nd trimester because we were afraid someone else would say something to him. We've also tried very hard to keep his BM informed (We have an okay relationship with her) and updated on what's going on as well. We chose to tell her first because 1)we knew she wouldnt' tell him and 2) we didn't want her to find out from him and 3) we wanted her support in working with SS. He's an only child right now, so this is a HUGE step for him. (and and much needed reality check lol!)

We've borrowed LOTS of books about babies and siblings and having babies in the house that are age appropriate to share with him. Word to the wise, though-- READ the books before you share them with SC. There were a lot of them that we really didn't feel he needed to know the details of.

We're still trying to figure out how to explain the breastfeeding issue with him without p!ssing off BM. I've put my foot down and told DH that I'm not going to run and hide in my own house when SS is around so that I can feed his brother.

hindsight's_a_biotch

We've already been talking to the kids about the possibility of getting a sibling just to get them used to the idea that it will probably happen someday. You can be very casual about it, just say oh, wouldn't it be neat to have a little brother or sister? I think you'd be a great big brother. Things like that. Then when you're ready, he will have accepted the idea as just something that will happen someday.

As for the BM, I guess it depends on the relationship. But SS will tell her. The only reason you should or rather your H should tell her is if she has a borderline boiling bunnies personality. Then he might want to attempt to let her down easy or something. Other than that, I don't think you have any obligation to call a family meeting.

Littlejen22

I would also tell BM if you think SS will not handle it well and she might be able to help. 

Keri6789

I should have posted this in my 1st post...BM is a nutcase!  She went completely insane when she found out DH and I were eganged.  She called me every name in the book and went on how we weren't allowed to get married.  I can only imagine how she will react when she finds out that we're pregnant...

DH told her years ago that he would never ever get married and that he didn't want more kids and 10 months after we started dating we got married.

Mama_2_be

Hi I'm actually in this position right now. My DH and I still need to figure out the best time to tell SS (7). I think we will try to wait till the 2nd trimester, but we are also excited to share the news. As far as telling the BM (who is also a nutcase) we won't even mention a word to her SS will tell her and she'll find out that way. If SS is having a hard time with it I would hope like any good mom she would be able to talk to him about as would I or his father. All in all I think SS will be super excited.