The ball is rolling

My husband and I have been TTC for 7 months, found out Monday I cannot naturally conceive. We have always known there may be an issue so we've always entertained the idea of adoption over medical procedures. We are no longer entertaining, we are now embracing.
Today I've contacted a local agency affiliated through our church, spoke with my employer about benefits/options and asked for refereneces on attorneys. WOW and OMG!! I feel like I'm moving full steam ahead and am excited, nervous, anxious and a whole host of other emotions.
For those who are further into this journey any information you can share would be greatly appreciated. What caught you off guard? What has helped you through? Any feedback would be great!
I look forward to learning and sharing with you on this board.


Re: The ball is rolling

  • First of all congratulations!!!  It might sound odd and there are likely many even here who will disagree with what I'm about to say, but one of the best and most supportive friends I have said "This phone call means the same to me as seeing an ultrasound photo! You're expecting!!" when we started announcing our process.  It's not like a pregnancy in that we don't have due dates and we do have a million interviews and fingerprints, but I really think that it's important to keep perspective through it all and realize that even know you don't know exactly when it will happen, you are now a mommy-to-be.

    The one thing that caught me off guard was the 'hurry up and wait' of this whole thing.  I knew that it would be a timeconsuming process but I thought that things would move along at a consistent pace.  In actual fact there have been weeks of whirlwind and then weeks of nothing.  It's a bit hard to pace your emotions sometimes.

    Welcome to the board and I hope this wasn't too long :)

  • Well, if Ranita?s answer was too long, I?m about to write a novel.

    Welcome to the board.  I sometimes feel the women here understand me better than anyone else in my life, besides my husband.  Adoption is definitely a wonderful journey, but it?s a journey in the truest sense of the word?complete with all the ups and downs that occur on any true excursion.

    The most important thing I feel the urge to tell you is to research, research, research.  I know how excited you are right now, but it?s important to be as armed with information about adoption as possible.

    Books like "Adoption for Dummies" or "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Adoption" will get started, give you lots of basic information on adoption and the process, and help you narrow down your answer to that question. Another good book is "The Complete Adoption Book."

    You mentioned that you contacted an agency affiliated with your church.  Even still, I highly recommend you research them.  If you are thinking of a domestic adoption, look them up on the yahoo group called "AARD" (Adoption Agency Research ? Domestic).  That group is dedicated to giving honest feedback on agencies.  You can ask about the agencies you are interested in directly, and also search their archives and files.

    If you choose international, you need to then pick from which country. The US Department of State's website lists the requirements to adopt from each country (
    ).  Once you've made your country choice, you'll need to find an agency that has a program specializing in adoptions from that country.  The yahoo group "Adoption Agency Research" is a phenomenal resource for vetting agencies, and works the same way as ?AARD.?

    My agency has an education requirement that lead us to learn a lot about adoptions.  Two things caught me off-guard.  The first was the emotional side of adoption?how it will be a factor that will resurface throughout our child?s life and we?ll never ?be done? addressing.  The other thing that shocked me was the realization that, because we are adopting an ?older child? (2-6 years old), he/she is alive right now.  My child is out there, right now, and I can?t protect them, and that is hard emotionally.  For me, that?s the only thing that makes the wait practically unbearable.

    I sincerely hope that I?m not scaring you.  To be honest, today was a particularly tough day for me (I?ll post about it shortly).  But the knowledge that I?ll be united with my child, and that my husband and I will be able to do everything in our power to help heal all his/her hurts makes it all worthwhile.  I can?t wait for the day that I can put my arms around my sweet baby and hug him/her tight!

    My husband and the posters on this board are the two things that help me through.  Both understand the emotions I?m going through.  Both let me vent, and give me feedback and perspective.  Both are full of kind, healing words.  I only hope I give some of the women here the same sense of support and understanding that they repeatedly offer me.

    Welcome to adoption!  It?s exciting, and I hope my brutal frankness hasn?t alarmed you.  The simple truth, in my opinion, is that adoption is a wonderful way to build a family, but it?s not without it?s complications.  I can?t wait to be united with my child.  I can?t wait to meet him/her and learn all about him.  I can?t wait to hold him close, sooth his worries, and grow as a parent as he grows as a child.  I can?t wait to laugh with him till my belly hurts.  I can?t wait to teach him our traditions and introduce him to our family.  I can?t wait to be his mother.

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  • Thank you for your responses. We will be picking up literature this week. We will not commit to any agency without fully checking them out. We know we have a long and possibly very difficult road ahead of us.
    Again, I appreciate your responses.
  • It looks like the above girls covered everything.  I just wanted to say congrats and welcome to the journey!  :)
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