Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

FIL just came over

We'd just told FIL and MIL that we were expecting on Sunday.  DH called and let them know yesterday that I was miscarrying.

My FIL comes over a lot and does things around the house.  We really appreciate it, but sometimes I think he's missing a filter and just doesn't think before he speaks.  I know he doesn't mean anything by it though.

When we told him we were expecting, he made the comment "you couldn't wait a little longer?"  I didn't let it get under my skin though because I'm used to his comments and he really is a nice person.

He just showed up to plant something or something like that.  DH isn't home yet so I had to open the door myself.  I knew it would be awkward, but what he said really hurt.  First he said something about God having other plans, which I know some people find comforting, but I don't.  Then he asked if I went to work today and when I said no he told me that I need to get over it and I can't just sit around the house doing nothing all day.  It just happened yesterday!  Am I not allowed some time to grieve?!  It's the end of September, I had 4 sick days left before this and they don't carry over to next year.  Why they hell wouldn't I stay home???  I've been bursting into tears at random moments throughout the last 2 days.  If I can do that in the comfort of my own home rather than at work, why wouldn't I???


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Re: FIL just came over

  • Oh no, I am so sorry he was so rude, insenstive and inconsiderate of your feelings.  I've experienced a lot of that too.  It's going to take time for you and DH to heal.  No one can make you feel better by saying "get over it."  That's awful.  Give yourself the time and space you need to try to cope.  So very, very sorry for your loss : (
    Our miracle IVF baby - D 6/09 & J - Surprise! born 9/10!!!
  • Yuck, I'm sorry you had to deal with that.  ((Hugs))

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  • Thanks ladies.
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  • Wow, I am sorry that he said all that to you.  I am sure that he meant the best by it -- some people just say really stupid things that they think will help you.  Have you said anything since?  Did DH say anything?  I would have my DH say something to my inlaws.  I am frustrated because they did not call me or talk to me afterwards on how I was doing.  Actually none of my parents (all 5) did.  I just don't think they can really say anything right to any of us who m/c (where they say something stupid or nothing at all).  You have every right to feel what you feel. 
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