Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

going through a very hard time...(long)

Hello ladies...as much as I hate to say it I'm not at all excited to be joining you.

My story starts last Monday when I had some spotting right before I went to bed. I thought nothing of it and mentioned it at my OB appt the next day.The Dr said it's perfectly normal, and we went through my appt as normal. I got some blood drawn to make sure my hCG levels were rising, set up an appt for my first u/s, and I left feeling very excited. The next morning (Wed) I woke up with bright red spotting, which quickly turned to brown, but it freaked me out. I called my Dr right away, and was told to get an u/s done that day. They found nothing but a black dot on the screen, and said it was probably too early to know anything. I went back the next day for more blood work. My hCG levels are rising, but very very slowly.

9/17- 571
9/23- 1286
9/25- 1535

I have been bleeding brown since Wednesday, and am seeing very small clots and tissue. I know that this is it. I am so devastated. I hate going to the bathroom just to see the parts of me that were supporting my baby falling into the toilet. I am hoping that this is it and that there is no hemoraging (sp?) or horrible end. I do just want it to be over with ASAP. I go to the Dr tomorrow for what would have been a nurses appt to go over my med history, but instead I'll be discussing options for getting my baby out and getting more bloodwork "just to be sure." I just can not handle this. DH is really there for me, but he just does not understand what it's like to be reminded everytime that you go to the bathroom that what was once alive inside of you is no longer there. I know that he is suffering too, but I guess I am just tired of hearing that "it will be ok." I know it will be, but right now I'm just not ok.
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Re: going through a very hard time...(long)

  • I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. There are some wonderful women on this board and the best advice I can give you right now is to take some time for yourself. I took a week off of work and I am so glad I did that. If you need anything please page me.
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  • You are not alone... None of us want to be in this club, but we all have become stronger because of this experience and you will too. Take one day at a time and if you need support to get through those tough days, we are here.
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  • Well, you've come to the right place. I had the same issue with the betas...The levels were doing great, then I had some spotting...they did a beta that day and it went from 10,000 on Sunday to 13,000 on Tuesday. The dr said she had to confirm with the ultrasound....so  I went back a week later and there was no h/b. I spotted brown for about 5 days and now I am bleeding heavily.

    It is so hard and it hurts so much. With my first m/c my DH really had a hard time...This time, he has been great. Unfortunately, the 3rd time wasn't the charm. I hope all goes well and you are able to get some closure from the dr. GL


    3 m/c's

  • I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I am currently having a miscariage to. I know what you mean about going to the bathroom. I cry everytime I see the blood in the toilet. I hate waking up in the morning because for a minute I forget. Then I remember and my life feels hopeless. All I can do is hope it gets better and hold on to my dream of having a baby. Hang in there it will get better. It will be a tough week with dr. app's for us both. Hugs Let us know how it goes.
  • I'm sorry. We are here for you. <<<hugs>>>
  • It's OK to not be OK, if that makes sense. Take time to grieve, vent, cry, etc. Know we are all here for you.
  • Thank you...you girls are amazing. It's good to know that other people have had days like this where you sit in your pajamas all day and just be miserable. I just need some time to feel sad. I will keep you all updated on my progress after my appointment tomorrow. Still praying for that miracle..that somehow this baby will be okay.
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  • I'm SO sorry.....I just had my 2nd m/c and all I can do is tell you that it really hurts. You have a right to be angry and sad.

    What I always tell myself (and its one of the things that helps me move forward....) is that there is nothing anyone can do to prevent the m/c. I know this sounds harsh and trust me, it sucks and its so unfair. But it is the truth. It was nothing you did, nothing your OB did, etc.....even if you laid in bed with your feet up your whole entire PG, it still wouldn't prevent a m/c.

    I am sick of hearing "it will be okay" as well. Lately, I have been telling people flat out that I don't want to hear it. Its not the "right" thing to say, but I think people don't know how to react. I just lost a baby at 10.5 weeks, I was so close to being out of the 1st trimester and it sickens me that it happened.

    This is a great place to come for support.....we've all been there unfortunately and we know how you feel...


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  • Thank you CMM. I AM glad to see that you had a successful pregnancy though! That's great. :)
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