Miscarriage/Pregnancy Loss

Time for a pity party

Tonight I'm feeling so bitter. I was just invited to a friend's baby shower in Dec, and I'm dreaming up reasons to not have to go, although I totally don't have any good ones. She was a bridesmaid in our wedding last summer, even drove all the way from GA and was alone as her DH was in Iraq. I so am going to go, but it's tearing me up inside knowing I should be there around all our old friends with a pregnant belly of my own! It is still sinking in that I'm the only one of them who had a m/c(that I know of). It makes me want to cry because it only took her one month to get pg, and she was like "I can't imagine having to wait longer than a month." I don't blame her for saying that, but it did hurt at the time because we had been trying for five at that point. I guess that's why I still haven't told her about the m/c, and also that I don't want her to feel awkward. Thanks so much for listening, it really is insane how no one else gets what all this is like.:(
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Re: Time for a pity party

  • Wow...I'm so sorry. Things like showers and watching friends go through PG when you should be there are really hard. I've been there...

    You are really nice to your friend b/c if she would have made the comment about "taking longer than a month..." I would have gone off. It took us ONE AND A HALF YEARS to have my DS.....its amazing how ignorant a lot of people are......

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this. Unfortunately, I would need to distance myself from this friend for a bit......especially a girl who says she can't imagine it taking longer than a month to get PG after you just had a loss....


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  • So hard to go through this, especially when there are other pgs around you, and when people don't truly think about what they are saying.

    That said, you can only do what feels right for you. Myself, I would go to the shower. notwithstanding what she said (people really don't think sometimes, and think about how baby obsessed we all are/were and what that made us say/do without thinking about who we were talking to/about) -- it sounds like she is/was a good friend. while I am sure she would understand if you didn't make it, it would also mean a lot to her that you are there.

    In the 2 weeks surrounding my m/c I found out 3 friends and cousin were pg (one ON my original EDD). . .also, I work in Family Court and am surrounded by babies, pregnant people and young families every day. it was really difficult to see that everyday, but ultimately it allowed me to remember there was a reason my first pg didn't work out, and to keep looking to the future. I also decided that by blocking people out I would only make it harder on myself.

    I wish you the best.
    m/c#1 07/16/08 (11 weeks), m/c#2 10/10/08 (8 weeks). and then nothing since except every test possible (no answers). IUI#1 and #2: BFNs Super lucky to be buddies with Peetie. Our out of nowhere, surprise DD born 5/29/2011
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  • I totally know how you feel. I am in misery. My m/c was a month ago and it took me 3 to even get preg...then not even a month has gone by and both my sister and sister in law are expecting. I am so depressed.
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