I am having as much coffee as I want. I am bitter towards everyone, especially people who are pregnant. I have two clients who told me they were pregnant yesterday and I couldn't deal.
I have so many....I don't think there is room...LOL
*** I am SO jealous of the two girls who just told me they are PG and are due right when I would have been due (see my "sad" post up at top of page....)
***I have no interest in my job and just want to go to the RE right now and start treatments....
***I am VERY nervous that my RE is going to tell me we have to wait 3 cycles or something crazy like that when I just want to start right NOW.....
***I can't respond to people's posts who say they have a "strong" h/b or who talk about their "great" betas b/c mine were the same and I still m/c at 11 weeks.....
I thought I was finally moving forward but then I was completely blindsided by AF yesterday and now I feel like I'm back at square one- and I'm sick of it!
*I feel like I'm never going to be normal again *I can't look at babies *Seeing babies clothes for sale in the store makes me cry *I feel like I can't be depressed about the loss because DH thinks he's not enough anymore *Red, red wine is still my buddy most nights
Me 38, DH 34
Missed M/C 10/08 at 10 weeks
DD born 8/09, TTC#2 since Jan 2011
** Yep, had a McDonalds iced coffee again. I actually managed not to get one yesterday for the first time in probably 6 days! I am addicted.
** My diet is not going well. Actually gained weight was week because I am emotionally eating! )=
** I want to start to try again, but the doctors wanted me to lose 20 to 30 lbs and I am obviously not being sucessful at that so I don't know what to do.
** I read a blog from a member of the July Sparklers who lost her baby at 22 weeks and she was confessing about overweight pg women at Target irritating her and how she felt they didn't deserve their children. It really angered me! Just because I am overweight does not mean I do not deserve children or that I don't care about my health. I know she was generalizing, but it really hurt me.
Warning
No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
My Honda Civic was stolen/recovered in September--I am seriously thinking about selling my car, because I do not want anything else that is mine taken from again.
Recently, I found myself going back into Maternity stores. The clothes are more comfortable. And for me, shopping for baby clothes or going on Babies R' Us just makes me happy.
I would love to buy a buy my white baby crib from JC Penney's after Christmas--that is the secret plan : )
BFP on 07/18/08. Miscarriage 07/30/08. BFP 3/25/09. Confirmed second miscarriage, no heartbeat, no growth beyond 7 weeks, 5/19/09. TTC again, on baby aspirin, due to value of 23 on Anticardiolipin Antibodies. BFP 11/15/09. Brown spotting, Beta 3735 11/25/09, Beta 5602 11/28/09. Anticardiolipin Antibodies now negative, still on baby asprin. On 100 mg of Prometrium (progesterone) until 10 weeks. Good heartbeat at 1st appt. 12/16/09. Started taking fish oil. Perigestational hemorrhage and red bleeding 12/17/09. 2nd Ultrasound-8 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/17/09. Baby measured 9 weeks, still a heartbeat 12/23/09. Good NT Scan on 1/8/10, heartbeat 164. EDD 7/28/10. TEAM BLUE! Aidan Thomas born on May 26, 2010.
Baby #2, BFP 11/27/11, EDD 6/5/12. TEAM PINK! Noelle Elizabeth born 4/30/12.
Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God, Blessing from God.
* I am angry I had to be at the ultrasound alone yesterday when I found out the baby no longer had a heartbeat.
Sometimes I really hate the fact that thanks to my husband's career we moved across the country and that now I am stuck in a city without a support netwrok. And I hate that this week he is away at block training all week while I sit here waiting for m/c #3 to happen.
I'm terrified to meet up with my pregnant friend tomorrow. She's one of my best friends and I love her and she has been amazing through my m/c, but I'm still nervous.
I'm pissed that another friend never contacted me after my m/c. What, you don't know what to say? Does it make you uncomfortable to talk about? Gee, I'm sorry this is so hard for YOU!
I am so bitter and resentful....both my sister and sister in law are expecting now and i feel so jelouse and that i cant love their babies
When tehy are born i know i will feel nothing but resentment towards them and their babies.
My husband now does not know when he will agree to start trying again and i feel my day will never come
I secretly want both my sister and sister in law to have a mc too so they can see how it feels cause i feel no one can understand the pain i am in to have a mc and less than a month later have both of them preganant
I am so depressed and wish i could just get pregnant again so i can feel better:(
** I cry every night on my way home from work. I sit in my driveway and wipe my eyes before I go in. My neighbors must really think I hate my job.
** I am so jealous of other pregnant women and women with babies. I don't know how to not be.
** I hate seeing babies and pregnant women everywhere.
** I hate hearing that it happens for a reason, because I think the reason is that God doesn't want me to have children. I mean seriously...3 times, that has to be a sign.
I feel guilty that I came home and had three, count 'em three rum and cokes. The rationale side of me knows that drinking away my sorrow is NOT healthy, but today I don't care. Maybe tomorrow things will be different. Sigh...
After 3 years, 3 losses, and 3 IVF's, our little girls have arrived!
Re: CONFESSIONS - Come on in...
*I had Starbucks this morning...again!
*I want to TTC again right away but my DH is not so sure!
*I'm tired of hearing about people's problems and biting my tongue!
Thanks for listening!
I am bitter towards everyone, especially people who are pregnant.
I have two clients who told me they were pregnant yesterday and I couldn't deal.
**I am depressed about said not moving. I miss my family.
**I can't believe this week is going by sooo slow. It's only Tuesday.
**I'm angry about non-close family members getting pregnant.
**It is unfair to have stretch marks and no baby.
I have so many....I don't think there is room...LOL
*** I am SO jealous of the two girls who just told me they are PG and are due right when I would have been due (see my "sad" post up at top of page....)
***I have no interest in my job and just want to go to the RE right now and start treatments....
***I am VERY nervous that my RE is going to tell me we have to wait 3 cycles or something crazy like that when I just want to start right NOW.....
***I can't respond to people's posts who say they have a "strong" h/b or who talk about their "great" betas b/c mine were the same and I still m/c at 11 weeks.....
I thought I was finally moving forward but then I was completely blindsided by AF yesterday and now I feel like I'm back at square one- and I'm sick of it!
click the pic (blog)
*I can't look at babies
*Seeing babies clothes for sale in the store makes me cry
*I feel like I can't be depressed about the loss because DH thinks he's not enough anymore
*Red, red wine is still my buddy most nights
** Yep, had a McDonalds iced coffee again. I actually managed not to get one yesterday for the first time in probably 6 days! I am addicted.
** My diet is not going well. Actually gained weight was week because I am emotionally eating! )=
** I want to start to try again, but the doctors wanted me to lose 20 to 30 lbs and I am obviously not being sucessful at that so I don't know what to do.
** I read a blog from a member of the July Sparklers who lost her baby at 22 weeks and she was confessing about overweight pg women at Target irritating her and how she felt they didn't deserve their children. It really angered me! Just because I am overweight does not mean I do not deserve children or that I don't care about my health. I know she was generalizing, but it really hurt me.
Recently, I found myself going back into Maternity stores. The clothes are more comfortable. And for me, shopping for baby clothes or going on Babies R' Us just makes me happy.
I would love to buy a buy my white baby crib from JC Penney's after Christmas--that is the secret plan : )
* My DH is getting an attitude with me when I ask him for help. I hate that he is a spoiled brat because I do everything
* I have to go back to school on Thursday and if ONE person says anything to my about my m/c, they might get smacked
* I am shopping constantly. I guess I don't deserve it, but it makes me feel better
* I had lost 52 lbs prior to BFP. Now I think I gained 10 lbs. So back to WW I go....
* I am seriously considering quitting. I'm a nanny and I can't take kids, babies and pregnant mothers. They are everywhere.
* I'm afraid my dh's patience will run out.
Sometimes I really hate the fact that thanks to my husband's career we moved across the country and that now I am stuck in a city without a support netwrok. And I hate that this week he is away at block training all week while I sit here waiting for m/c #3 to happen.
I miss having sex with my husband.
I'm terrified to meet up with my pregnant friend tomorrow. She's one of my best friends and I love her and she has been amazing through my m/c, but I'm still nervous.
I'm pissed that another friend never contacted me after my m/c. What, you don't know what to say? Does it make you uncomfortable to talk about? Gee, I'm sorry this is so hard for YOU!
** I have a stash of Halloween candy under my desk at work that I say is for the kids but no child has had a piece yet.... it's almost gone.
** I'm not listening to my doctor who said we had to wait 2 cycles. We're waiting one.
** I hated my new obgyn I started seeing when I got pregnant. I'm going to a new one.
** I'm not focused at work. I feel like it's job, not a career.
**This is the first "confession" post I've responded to. I like it.
I could keep going on and on and on....
Beta #1: 268 (16dpo) ~ Progesterone 54 ~ Beta #2: 541 (18dpo)
I am so bitter and resentful....both my sister and sister in law are expecting now and i feel so jelouse and that i cant love their babies
When tehy are born i know i will feel nothing but resentment towards them and their babies.
My husband now does not know when he will agree to start trying again and i feel my day will never come
I secretly want both my sister and sister in law to have a mc too so they can see how it feels cause i feel no one can understand the pain i am in to have a mc and less than a month later have both of them preganant
I am so depressed and wish i could just get pregnant again so i can feel better:(
** I am so jealous of other pregnant women and women with babies. I don't know how to not be.
** I hate seeing babies and pregnant women everywhere.
** I hate hearing that it happens for a reason, because I think the reason is that God doesn't want me to have children. I mean seriously...3 times, that has to be a sign.
APS, hetero factor v leiden & MTHFR
bfp #1 - 12.11.07, edd 8.14.08, mm/c 1.21.08 (10w4d)
bfp #2 - 4.4.08, edd 12.3.08, mm/c 5.14.08 (11w)
bfp #3 - 8.3.08, edd 4.15.09, mm/c 9.17.08 (10w)
bfp #4 - 1.15.09, edd 9.26.09, mm/c 2.16.09 (8w2d)
bfp #5 - 6.16.09, edd 2.25.10, mm/c 7.23.09 (9w)
bfp #6 - 8.12.10, edd 4.27.11, mm/c 9.16.10 (8w1d)
one more try -> bfp #7 - 2.11, our miracle baby boy arrived 10.11
ttc again -> bfp #8 - 5.3.13, edd 1.13.14, mm/c 5.30.13 (7w3d)
I just found out today about my m/c, and...
I feel guilty that I came home and had three, count 'em three rum and cokes. The rationale side of me knows that drinking away my sorrow is NOT healthy, but today I don't care. Maybe tomorrow things will be different. Sigh...