Receiving Gifts/Saying Thanks Question

barnwife

My family is very different from DH's when it comes to opening Christmas gifts. In my family, one person opens a gift at a time. They read the tag/card and say who it's from. The gift is often passed around for all to see. The receiver immediately says something nice about the gift and says thanks. They do it this way so you get to see what everyone gets, you see people open the gifts you got them, etc...

In DH's family, gift opening is complete chaos. Kids randomly grab gifts and start opening...no one even checks to make sure the gift is for them. (FWIW, the grandkids range in age from J. at 4 months to 4 years.) A child doing this in my family is immediately placed on an adult lap so that doesn't happen. They are taken from the room for a few minutes if they don't subside. Anyway, I can't stand the chaos because I don't know who to thank!

J. got lots of gifts. Most were opened by cousins (which would be fine if they/their parents asked and I had a chance to know who it was from). Plus, I could hardly pay attention to just him as I want to watch everyone open their gifts.  But what's really driving me nuts is that I didn't get to say thanks!

It is so ingrained in me that if you don't open a gift in front of the giver and say thanks that you must write a thank you note. So I have lots of thank yous to write, but don't know who they go to!

I'm thinking about sending an email to my SILs and saying something like "It was great to celebrate Christmas with everyone. There was so much activity that I'm unsure from whom J. received some gifts and I'd really like to know."

Is there a better way to word it? Or even a better way to determine who got him what? Help me figure out the best way to say thanks to the right people!

Mystery2B

I'd probably just write them each a note saying how nice it was to see them and how much you enjoyed the time with them and having this traditional for the kids...and leave it at that.

I think saying "what did you get J" is kind of tacky, and obviously not how the IL's roll since I doubt anyone else knows either (although you could ask MIL and see if she has any insight if you have that relationship with her, that she might know who bought people what).

julygal

I would skip the e-mail and go straight to the thank you notes especially if you know everyone there gave him a gift.  I agree with PP to focus on the day and just say a generic thank you. Or, I have gotten cards that have a thank you note pre-printed in them, let DD scribble with a crayon over them, then I sign her name. Perhaps since your DC is younger you could do a handprint in the card instead of the scribbles.

emathis2

Ugh! That would be so frustrating to me to open gifts that way.  Especially not even knowing what was for who and who from etc!!!  I would just send sort of generic thank yous. I would also try to change the way they do things to a little more civilized manner for next year (not in the thank you of course, but maybe when preparing for next year).

Lotte134

I agree - just write thank yous for the day and time spent together.  That's more important than gifts anyway.

PS My family is like yours and I too enjoy seeing what everyone is given so I would feel the same, but I think you just have to roll with it since obviously your in-laws have a different custom that they enjoy as well.  

barnwife

Lotte134:

I agree - just write thank yous for the day and time spent together.  That's more important than gifts anyway.

PS My family is like yours and I too enjoy seeing what everyone is given so I would feel the same, but I think you just have to roll with it since obviously your in-laws have a different custom that they enjoy as well.  

Oh, I know that I just have to deal with it when it comes to the ILs. And I agree with the pp who said "what did you J." thing being tacky, but to me it's just as tacky to do no thank you! (And I was hoping to find other alternatives, that's why I posted here to get some ideas!) Saying/writing a thank you with specifically mentioning the gift was well-ingrained into me by my mom, so it just seems wrong not to!

I guess I will just do general thank-yous this time...and try even harder next year to keep track!

Mystery2B

Next year I'd try to pre-scope out the packages so you know which ones for J and who they were from (by the wrapping/size) so as they are ripped open by others you can track the actual gift. Or try to pull aside a few of J's gifts so that J gets to open something/isn't overwhelmed by the bigger kids (that's the stated reason, even though you know you have an ulterior motive!). And try to get DH to work with you on it to track J's gifts and who they're from (two sets of eyes being better than one!).

Genevieved

That would drive me crazy.  We never opened gifts as kids with grandparent.  However there are 4 kids in my family and we all took turns opening gifts  as my mom wanted to know who got what from who so she could say thank you.  She also wanted us to know who we got what from so we could say thank you when we say them.  We never did any written thank yous just a verbal ones.

My cousins however never knew who gave them what.  I think the kids often opened the gifts before the parents even go out of bed.  

We were never allowed to open gifts until everyone was in the living room