another sleep question

MrsJOSEnADRI

I DD'ed a post I had written in the middle of the night.  I was ranting like a sleep-deprived, crazy lady, lol.  But, it was another question on sleep.

Since we eliminated the "dreamfeed," Elise actually started to STTN longer on her own from her last feeding around 8ish to 5ish in the morning.  At first, I thought it was a fluke, but she did it consistently for about 10 days.  Then, I asked DH on the night of the 25th to take care of the 5 a.m. feeding so I could sleep in late.  However, he decided to go to bed late and woke her for a feeding at 2 a.m. I was so upset about this.  This completely threw off her routine yesterday and her last real feeding was at 5:30 p.m. She was also really fussy after that and I didn't understand why at first so I continued like if it was a regular day and did our 8ish bathtime/bedtime routine.  However, I noticed she didn't drink much from her bottle at this time.  She just fell asleep and then woke up for a feeding at 2 a.m. this morning.  In a way, he moved up her longest stretch to 5 p.m.!!! 

I was really concerned this morning because I go back to work next week and if her new bedtime is 5 p.m., we won't get to spend any time with her.  It will literally be bedtime right after I pick her up from my mom's house.  I was so upset with DH, but he was really apologetic about it this morning.  I feel like it's partially my fault for introducing the idea of the "dreamfeed," but we had agreed not to do it and to just continue feeding her on demand.  It was working out perfectly.  Now, I know that infants' sleep habits/feeding habits can change from day to day, but Elise has been pretty consistent with STTN.  She always went to bed around 8 p.m. and then started pushing back her next feeding one hour at a time over the last month or so.  My mom says that I did the same thing until I was pretty much sleeping 11 or 12 hours on my own.  Not that I expected her to do that, but 8 p.m. to 5 a.m. was a great stretch and it gave DH and I some alone time before our bedtime.  

Anyway, she seems to be going back to her regular feeding times today.  Her second one was at 7:30 a.m. and now she is still napping when she usually feeds every 2.5 to 3 hours.  Do you think that she can get back on track in one week?  How can I encourage the 8 p.m. bedtime?  Do I just keep doing our 8 o'clock routine of bath, lotion, bottle, swaddle and put down in crib even if she won't take that bottle?  She's usually out within a few minutes after that, but I don't want her to get extra fussy because I'm keeping her up later than what she wants.   

 Also, even though Elise STTN, I haven't!  I'm having a really hard time falling asleep after her bedtime and after her feeding.  Maybe that will change when I go back to work, but any tips to help me sleep would be great! 

MellyMelB

I am confused. I have a cold and am at work so forgive me but he woke her up at 2am to feed her one day.....and that threw her off? If she eats every 3 hours wasn't she up at 5am for her next feeding anyway? One day is not going to throw her off for a week and with these babies thing changes day to day anyway. You cannot predict everything and if you try you are going to drive yourself nuts. Also, a schedule is important for consistency so that the baby knows what is next but try not to let the baby's schedule mandate your life. Remember that as much as you want to keep her happy she also needs to adjust to your way of doing things and if you and your hubby want to take her out to dinner on a Saturday night and you are out past (gasp) 10pm, Elise is going to be OK. I learned this with my second because with two kids its hard to keep to a specific timed schedule so we don't even try. Still, for the most part, my kids are in bed by 8:30pm every night. Isabelle will sleep until about 6am or so the next morning.

Listen, don't force the schedule. Generally, at this age it happens all on its own. I can tell you that honestly because Sophia and Isabelle both did the same thing and forced an 8pm bedtime on me by about 9 weeks! LOL. If we are out and about after 7:30pm Isabelle looks like us like we are nuts because she wants her crib and bedtime but will generally still knock out in her carrier.  Try not to overthink it. If she is tired put her to bed, don't try to keep her awake. I find that does not help my kids sleep longer.

Also, tell your husband not to do that again! LOL. Never wake a sleeping baby to feed it. Never, ever, ever.....

GL!

MrsJOSEnADRI

LOL, thx, Mel!  I guess I was just more upset by the fact that he woke her at 2 a.m. b/c he didn't want to get up at 5 a.m. like I do everyday!  He just called me now again to apologize for that and I guess I was overreacting about her routine.  I just have some anxiety about going back to work because I've been very tired and haven't been getting enough sleep even though Elise is. 

I tried the whole schedule/dreamfeed thing a few weeks ago b/c everybody was giving me suggestions and advice on what to do so I thought I'd try it out.  Ultimately, it was more stressful to watch the clock so we decided to just go with the flow and follow her cues and her own schedule.  Of course, we have been out with her past 8 p.m. and we just follow her feeding/sleeping cues.  She'll sleep in her carseat just fine and then we put her to bed as soon as we get home.   However, we went out to dinner with her yesterday and she was being super fussy and I think it was that 2 a.m. feeding that threw her off.   But, it does seem like she's going back to her regular feeding/napping routine today.  Another thing that was giving me anxiety is that I wanted her to have some kind of routine for my mom who will be taking care of her.  I've already heard it from her several times that I have her spoiled! 

Albah

I agree with Mel completely. Elise is such a good baby and is doing such a good job in sleeping that I would just let her go with the flow. I never imposed much of a schedule with either one of my kids and they have gotten themselves into a routine for the most part; but there will be days that things don't go as planned and that's ok too.

MariM

I literally gasped when I read that your dh woke the baby at 2am for feed! I would be totally upset about that too, however keep in mind that your baby will throw you for a loop sometimes. My kid was an awesome sleeper from about 6 weeks and then out of no where would switch it up, give me some miserable nights and then bam- go back to sleeping 10-12 hour stretches just when I was about to loose my mind. I think all of your feelings are totally normal. I remember stressing about routines and all that when Nadia was an infant. I swear- I had the bath, bottle, bed routine going at 4 weeks old. Not sure if it helped her, but I needed the routine for ME. I would start my routine at HER bedtime cue and slowly inched it back to when I wanted to put her down (which ended up being around 8 until I went back to work and then bedtime became 6pm). Hang in there! She really will stat sleeping 12 (and sometimes more) hour stretches soon.

MrsJOSEnADRI

I flipped on DH for doing that.  I dont think he'll ever wake her, again.  

 

Even though I also consider Elise to be a great sleeper, all the unsolicited advice makes you doubt yourself.  For example sleep was the main topic of conversation at all the family gatherings during the holidays.  Even with her sleeping 8 to 5, I still got recommendations from everyone to add cereal to her bottle to make her sleep even longer.  For a second, I almost considered it because I heard it over and over.  But, I decided to ignore everyone, just nod politely, and stick with my choices.

 

As a first time mom, it's hard to feel confident in your decisions because you're getting all this advice from the veterans that sometimes conflicts with what you are doing.  But, DH is really good at reminding me that we are doing a good bjob and should stiick to with what we are doing so far. 

MariM

In my opinion- the baby experts are people who actually have baby age children. You're doing the research, up to date with the latest philosophies, talk to other moms who have similar age kids, etc. Someone with grown children doesn't remember all the little details. Nadia's two & there's stuff I don't remember & I just lived it! You're doing great!!!!

MrsJOSEnADRI

I know what you mean.  As a teacher, you pair the kid that doesn't understand something with the one that just got it.  I sometimes wonder if the things my mom says are really true or if her memory is just foggy - like giving me compota with a spoon at 2 weeks?!  Sounds like typical Cuban hyperbole!