vent?

paulaDPT

So my mother is throwing a baby shower and inviting my in-laws side of the family b/c my mother and step-mother inlaw have neither said that they were planning anything.  Since they are the ones that live out of town, I was fine with that situation.  At Christmas when visitng my mother in law (who drives me insane) announces that she was planning on having an "open house" in May at her house (4 hours from me) that we would be there to "show off" the baby. (we are due March 5).

 Am I wrong to be upset that she announced this to people without asking me? Who said I wanted to travel with a newborn, stay in her teeny house on her pull out couch in the living room, try and fit our own stuff and the baby gear?? This is our first child and I really have no idea what to expect, so I feel like she was really presumptuous in assuming that we would just come do that. I was really annoyed and basically said to her outloud that "we'll play it by ear".  Plus then she was saying, "oh so and so has a pack and play that you can use so you don't have to bring your stuff" but how do I know that it's safe? I don't know how old it is-nor do I trust her ability to find that information...I don't want to be a snob, but until I figure out what the heck is going on, I expect some flexibility and understanding from her.  OH and the kicker, she tells us she "no longer changes diapers...."  I'm just so annoyed.

eturp

Wow, that is really rude of her. If having an open house is something that is important to her she could have at least phrased it as "whenever you're comfortable and ready to come visit I'd love to have an open house to show off the baby, blah, blah, blah". But for her to assume that you would be willing to operate on her schedule when you're the one who has a new baby is ridiculous. I think you have every right to vent and be upset!

tistampsup

Ooooohhh mother in laws!  Love them!  You're not wrong.  If you're not comfortable traveling that soon with the baby, then don't.  Plain and simple.  I'm due March 4th with my first and to me, personally, that's a big trip.  I'd simply tell her that you aren't planning on making a trip like that so soon, and that you're sorry.  Better yet, have DH handle it for you. 

rhubarb123

Really?  4 hours?  IMO...that is an easy trip.  We took a 2 month old on a 10 hour car trip and let me tell you it was soooooooooooooo much easier taking the 2 month old then it was a 3 year old!  Babies that age are easy peasy.  I think you are over-reacting somewhat.  Sure...she should have asked you if you would be comfortable with this (are you sure she didn't already suggest it to your DH?) but it sounds like she just wants your DH's side of the family to meet your baby.  Plus, by May the weather will be nice so you won't have to worry about bad roads, etc. 

As for staying at her little house...you could always stay at a hotel that is close.  Quite truthfully you don't need much for a 2 month old baby.  A PNP will be fine (even a used one).  Your baby won't be standing or sitting or pulling up.  If you don't feel comfortable using someone else's equipment then take your own.  Personally, whatever I don't have to lug I don't. 

Not sure about the "no longer changes diapers" comment.  Why would you be annoyed about that?  My mom had 4 kids and watched 4 of my nieces.  Trust me...she was DONE changing diapers by the time my kids came around.  It is a non-issue.  Weird that she would bring it up.  Maybe someone else in the family always wanted her to change their kids' diapers?

RoxyLynn

Whether there's a baby involved or not, it's just not OK for her to plan an event without your knowledge and demand that you attend.

KyleTrigger

I agree with most of the PP's. It is not okay to plan an event for you without speaking to you about it first. Especially something where you would be required to travel a whole day round trip and stay the night somewhere.

This is our first baby and we were very hesitant in planning a trip FIVE months after she is born to a place that is 5 hours away. All of our family was very understanding about this and no one tried to pressure us to go.

 

kristennd

My in-laws assumed we would get on a plane to introduce everyone to the baby at the family reunion six weeks after the due date. Hell no. (And DH totally backed me up.)

It's too early to tell whether you'll be physically up to travel but that's only one small factor. And the biggest one is that she has no business scheduling your life. At least you already knew she was unreasonable.

Don't feel any qualms about declining. 

MrsRiceARoni

I agree with everyone else on here, I think it is pretty unreasonable that she would plan something and expect you to be there without consulting you on it first. My own mom keeps insisting that I attend my grandfather's birthday party 3 weeks after my due date. I understand that 80 is a big birthday and I wish I could be there, but who knows if my baby will even be on time?? He could end up being born a week before the event. Perhaps it's because it's been a long time since my mom (and I'd presume your MIL) had babies, so they don't realize that it may take a while for you to be  physically up to the travel. Than again this is my first baby so I don't really know what to expect as far as recovery goes.