MIL wants to be called mama!?!!!

Alisha4517

So I haven't been on here in awhile but I thought I would share this issue and get some feedback.  First I have to give a back story:

 So my DH calls his grandmother( his mom's mom) Mama and he calls his mom, Mami.  Apparently when he was little his GM lived with them and he started calling her this and his mother was okay with that.

My mom is "Nana" and my MIL had said Abuela made her feel old and she didn't like "Grandma". 

So my son Caleb is now almost 3.5 months, and since he was born we had been asking my MIL what she wanted to be called.  She had brought up mima...which my DH didn't like and expressed that to her.

Then all of a sudden she commented on a pic of Caleb on FB.  "mama loves you" I ignored that thinking she could be talking about me.  Well then she had texted me loving messages for Caleb signed: Hugs and kisses Papi and Mama!!!

I again ignored that, thinking that Caleb is going to call her/them whatever we decide to call them(which was not going to be mama!!!)  Well....then came another text and I couldn't ignore it anymore.  So I responded to her text and proceeded to tell her that I didn't want him to call anyone else besides me  mama, mami, mommy or anything else that referred to "mom"  I was very nice about it and I said that I didn't want to hurt her feelings or dissapoint her but I felt very passionite about it.  I told her I could help her pick out something unique for her and that I hoped that she understood where i was coming from.

Well the next day was my birthday and I didn't  hear from her,  so I stopped by her job with Caleb the following day.  She was very cold but said it was fine, that Grandma was fine!  She said it was her moms idea to "keep the tradition". 

Ever since she has been different towards me.  She is VERY passive aggressive and never talks about anything!  On Christmas day she made a point at passing out the gifts that she got saying to Alisha from Victor and Belinda, when normally she always said mami and papi on cards and gifts b/c thats what her son and daughter call her.  The gift to Caleb read " from grandparents" 

DH is totally supportive and said he is going to talk to her.  She is paranoid that she is not going to know her grandson.  We live 15 min from them and see them about once a week!!!  Well I told DH that she made me feel very uncomfortable, so she better shape up or she will have something to worry about!

Can you tell I am venting!   Anybody else ever heard of this! Grrrrrr!

MariM

Crazy Inlaws? Yes, I've heard of them! ;-) She needs to back off & let Caleb come up with his own names for his grandparents when the time comes. I always referred to all the grandparents as "Abuelo" & "Abuela." Nadia named my mom "Mimi" & my dad "babe" by herself. She continues to use Abuela & Abuelo for my inlaws who also see Nadia 1X per week (like my parents). My inlaws of course always want more & they tend to make "surprise" visits throughout the week, when I'm exhausted from work & want to just play with my child a bit before bed. :-) Stick to what you want. My theory is that they had their turn to be a parent & do it their way. It's YOUR turn now!

TayLynn

I wouldn't like that either!

 She might have been stung by the way it came across in your text.  Text messages don't convey tone.  I'm glad your DH is going to talk to her.

GL with it!

CesEve99

crazy indeed. caleb will call his gparents whatever he choses no matter how hard you try to instill a nickname on them. mady has a nickname for everyone in the family and never went by what they tried to instill on her.

my mom is "aya", my mil is "abui", my fil is "abo", and my dad is...wait for it..."moo". go figure.

she really needs to lay off of it though. gl

MrsJOSEnADRI

That's annoying!  However, I did have a great grandmother that everyone in the family called "mama viejita" and DH had a great grandmother that everyone called "mama."  So, I can see how your DH's family could have that tradition.  BUT... this is YOUR family now and you do have a say in the matter.  It's true that the kids will call the grandparents whatever they want in the end.  My parents are Cuban and since we got our dogs we have called them grandma and grandpa.  IDK if that will stick with our LO, but we'll see.  For MIL, we don't really have a nickname yet.  We have referred to her as Grandma MD since she's a doc and gives us a lot of medical advice/treatment. 

LizC78

I think its fine if that worked for her family, but like you said this is YOUR family now.  Me personally I don't want my kids calling anyone mami, mama, mommy, etcc but me.  Every family has their own way of coming up with names and nicknames, but if it doesn't go with what the actual MAMA wants then it doesn't fly.

I called my grandmother Mimi. My mom is nana and my ILs are abuela/o. We call my uncle big daddy and so do all his grandkids.  And I think its because he is like 6'5 and thats just what stuck.

Im glad V is going to talk to her, because the passive agressive carp just stinks.  Good luck..

MellyMelB

You know how I feel about this. I cannot say enough how I am annoyed by her gall. I think she is acting like a child and think its a GREAT idea for your DH to speak to her about it.

I gotta keep it short and sweet or I will go on and on about it.

LadieM

Wow! Good luck! Whether her feelings are hurt or not, she'll no doubt get over it, but at least she knows where you stand as a mother. 

Albah

Issues like these are so common with the grandparents. You did the right thing by bringing it up if it bothers you. Glad your husband will be having a chat with her. Good luck!

Gator09

I agree that your child will all her whatever they want. My son started calling my MIL mama and she loved it and I had to put a stop to it because it bothered me. Now she is grandma and my mom is nana. I was also annoyed because I had waited so long to be someones mama

heylee

Seems a little psycho to me lol

MrsLeanna

I'm with the others, glad you put a stop to it and glad DH is supportive of you.  Ick. I don't think it's a tradition, it's a name. I agree that kids will call them whatever they want, but within reason, my dad is Grandpa because he wants to be, well it took alexis a bit to get it and she went through several pronunciations but just like with any other word, when she said it wrong, we wouldn't correct her or tell her she was wrong, we would just keep referring to him as Grandpa, and now he's Grandpa (well, he's wampa actually, but close enough)! So, yes, caleb will make up his own names, but YOU are mama, or mommy, mami, etc!!!

Mrs.ClariC

In DR we tend to call our grandmothers "mama" and mothers "mami", but I NEVER called my grandmothers that. That said, my mom says to Abraham ALL THE TIME "ven con mama" referring to herself. I usually ignore it because she has that custom and 80% of the time she tries not to say it, she tries to say "abuela" but when she says "mama" it drives me INSANE! I definitely think you should let her know face to face how you feel about it, I'm sure she'll understand where you're coming from!

UMwife

That would drive me insane! It sounds like you handled the situation well and that your husband is supportive of your decision. What about offering some other alternatives? DH called his grandparents Aba/Abo. I called mine Ela/Elo (until my sisters and I eventually learned how to say Abuela/Abuelo the right way). My mom is Nana and we've always referred to MIL as Grandma. Funny enough, DD calls  MIL "Aba" even though we've never used that word for MIL. I wouldn't worry too much about about it, since Caleb will end up calling her whatever he wants. Good luck!

Alisha4517

Thanks guys!  It's nice to know I'm not the crazy one!  LOL  I will keep posted on what happens after DH talks to her.  I'm curious myself. 

UMwife

Alisha4517:

Thanks guys!  It's nice to know I'm not the crazy one!  LOL  I will keep posted on what happens after DH talks to her.  I'm curious myself. 

I was logged in before on my phone and couldn't see the pictures that great...but now that I'm on my computer I have to say that Caleb is adorable! I can't believe how big he is already!!!  

Alisha4517

UMwife:

 

I was logged in before on my phone and couldn't see the pictures that great...but now that I'm on my computer I have to say that Caleb is adorable! I can't believe how big he is already!!!  

Thanks!!  I can't believe how fast time is flying!!  I already go back to work on Mon!! 

Sandra&Chad

I know that I do not post on here often, but I agree you are mama and not your MIL.  My nephew calls his grandmother "lela" and that works.  I hope that she finds something that she is happy with, but honestly Caleb will call her what he wants to anyways.