What do you think of this idea for friends at the birth?
This is my first pregnancy, and I'll be (hopefully) giving birth at a great, home-like local birth center. I'd like to ask my MIL and two of our (female) friends to be around for the labor/birth, but at the same time, I don't necessarily want to commit to them being there for the whole gnarly naked process, and I also don't want them to feel like they're going to need to be right there for what could be a 24+ hour event. 
So what I'm thinking, is that I'll ask the two friends (they're sisters, and at least one will be expecting her own first LO when I give birth, hopefully both!) to come by the birth center 5 or 6 hours into the labor (or whatever makes sense given the timing), and stay for an hour or so to entertain/cheer me on. Same with MIL, we'd ask her to come before or after the friends, for about an hour or so. Then when it came time to actually push, everyone keeps telling me I'm not going to give a hoot who's in the room, so DH could text them and let them know to head back if they wanted to watch it (up to them).
My thinking is that if I knew I had a few fresh-faced "cheerleaders" coming in throughout the process, it'd give me something to look forward to, and be a fun break in the day.
What do you think, does that sound like a good idea?
Re: What do you think of this idea for friends at the birth?
I think it totally depends on your personality! The thought of anyone but DH being there with me makes me cringe, but it really sounds like you want those few special people with you.
I think it might also depend on how you feel when you're actually in labor. You might want company and cheerleaders, but you might want no one talking to you at all. I would definitely make sure the three ladies know and understand that they'll need to be flexible and that you're not promising they can be there for the whole thing or even any part of it- just to eliminate the possibility of any last minute "But you said I could be there!!" drama. And make sure your H is in on the plan too, since he'll be the "bouncer" for the day
Good luck!
Entertainment was the last thing on my mind. I didn't care who was in the room the whole time. Actually, early on, it was annoying trying to entertain people. I would have people there who can support you, but will be willing to do whatever you want them to do.
Hmm, I have no idea when the midwives will say it's okay to come on over... does more centimeters = more pain, less awareness? Sorry to be so naive, I don't really have anything to go on other than Ina May's book at this point.
All 3 women are awesome about boundaries/flexibility, so that won't be a problem (one of many reasons my actual mom won't be there). I have to admit that I want to invite them (the sisters) partially because I'd love to be able to give them that experience before their own first births a few months later... and I know that's not a great reason. I keep going back to it, though, and it's hard for me to imagine doing anything for 12+ hours without wanting some new company.
If friends did come in for an hour or so at about 6cm, what would they experience? Are there long gaps between contractions at that point, or would it be an hour of moaning/screaming?
Newbie to this board popping in- I totally agree with the PPs. If anything, the guests might be more helpful at your house before you head to the birth center. The contractions will be easier and more spaced apart. At the same time, you should be resting during these contractions to save your energy for later!
Most birth centers want you to labor at home as long as possible and then come in- like when you really have to breathe through contractions. By the time you go in, you are going to be in pain and probably wont want them there or if they are there, they probably wont be very helpful. Plus I agree that it sounds like you're putting too much thought and stress into it and thats the last thing you need when you're in labor.
Theres no way to say what 6cm might be for you but its getting close to transition and then pushing and you're a first time mom, so it might be hard work for you (but you can do it!). Is there a family room your friends and MIL can hang out in when you get admitted? And DH can bring them in one at a time while you're laboring, if you're up to it? If they are really into being there, that might be the best option. Or they can hang out in the family room till you're ready to push and someone can bring them in for that?
I dont think any fresh faces will really cheer you up- unless you know any one of the 3 might be awesome labor supports- then their presence might be helpful. It annoys me on TV when they show family and friends just standing around "watching the show" but offering no real support. That would bug me as a laboring mom. Keep it simple, keep it light. The only fresh face you really need is the fresh face of your newborn baby!!
The birth center where I delivered DD allows anyone you wish to be present or come and go during the labor but the midwives do tell you up front that you should plan to add about 45 minutes to your labor for every extra person you have at your labor because of all the distractions they provide, etc (based on their experiences).
I agree that I'd only want to have people present that would be great labor support. Not just someone to come and pat me on the back because that would be more of a distraction than helpful.
This was true for me as well. I was not interested in talking for most of labor and I think it would have thrown me off if I had to be interacting with people. My suggestion is to not make any plans like "I'll call you 5-6 hours into it" or whatever. You really don't know what you will want or like and you also don't know how it will go. I expected a 24+ hour ordeal and 6 hours into my labor I was pushing the baby out. Trust that you will know what is best and what you want when you are in labor, so just let these people know that you may want them to be there so you will just call them if you need them. Just my opinion based on my experience!
It's not a party. You don't send out invitations and give out favours at the end. Sheesh!
Don't overthink it. If you want support there, then let them know when you are in labour and have them come over. If you want them to leave at any point, ask them or have your doula or midwife direct them away.
This. With both DS and DDs births the last thing I wanted to worry about was other people. Labor can make you very introspected, and unable to focus on much other than getting through each contraction. If you want those people to be there for you, ask them to come as soon as you're in the hospital because you dont know how long things'll take, and then ask them to just be there to support you, to give you water/ice chips, encouragement, or even to allow DH to take a bathroom break without leaving you alone. But you very likely will not be looking for 'entertainment' or be up for entertaining anyone yourself.
With regards to your other ?, how far along in labor you are doesn't necessarily have anything to do with how painful/intense it is. Some people dont know they're in labor until transition or later, other people have strong, intense contractions right from 2 or 3 cms.
Oh, and I'll mention this too: DSs labor was 30 hours long, and DDs was 8 hours. The same was true in both cases; time became irrelevant and focusing on much other than the contractions was incredibly difficult. I never felt bored or like I needed 'new faces' (in fact, with DSs delivery, b/c it was so long we had one nurse for an entire 8-hour shift, but after DS was born a few hours later, I had forgotten ENTIRELY that she had been there at all).
I was super happy to have "guests" during labor. I was 3-4cm dilated when I was admitted to the hospital at 6am... and only progressed to 5cm by noon. I took turns walking around the hospital with my mom, doula, and DH. My dad came by the room and hung out for a bit. Since I hadn't progressed past 5cm, they came and broke my water at 1:30 - baby was born at 2:45! I kicked everyone except my doula and DH out of the room right before they broke my water... I knew the hard part was coming! So, if your water is intact when you get to the birth center, your labor will probably feel easier and you'll be more likely to welcome guests. Without that, it is going to probably hurt more and require more focus.
I loved having the distractions, and it was exciting to share my day with them!
Good luck!
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I would only ever want DH there personally, but if you want these people there then that's up to you.
My only thought about your plan is your timing. I don't know when you plan on going to the birth centre but I laboured at home for as long as possible. I got to the hospital at 9pm and she was born at 1.20am.
My other thought is that I was in labour all day (started at 4am) but during those early stages I wanted to rest when I could, and I tried to sleep as much as possible. Then once it got serious (around 6pm) I didn't need entertainment because there was so little time between contractions and what time I did have I closed my eyes and zoned out.
I think if you're someone who has a long labour then rest in those early stages is very very important. So just something else to consider.
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