Advice on gift for preemie momma

whosJOmomma

I don't have a preemie myself, so I hope it's okay to be posting on the preemie board.  Anyway...

My sister has a 4 week old preemie who is still in the NICU (born at 31 weeks, pre-e).  Baby is gaining weight well and started taking most feeds from a bottle a few days ago.  Hooray!

I'm also pregnant (baby #2 due in April), and I was so excited that my sister and I were pregnant at the same time that I bought her a bunch of baby books a few months ago.  Now I'm wondering if they are appropriate.  We're pretty close, so I don't think she'd be offended but don't want to constantly remind her that she has a preemie who may be slower in meeting developmental milestones.

 Happiest Baby on the Block (you know, how babies are still fetus-like in the "4th trimester" and how to calm them) - I think this one is probably okay.  Your thoughts?

The Wonder Weeks - Predictable developmental spurts where baby is fussy then suddenly seems to learn new skills.  You're supposed to adjust for gestational age, so the 5-6 week spurt would happen when my nephew is 14-15 weeks old.  Is that just too much math? Maybe the timelines are too different for very little preemies?  It goes up to 18 months and has a journal section so you can record new skills your baby learns after each spurt.

My sister already has some books on preemies, but these two were ones that I bought a long time ago.

Thanks, everyone!

 

 

 

ArvadaBride

whosJOmomma:

 

 Happiest Baby on the Block. Your thoughts?  Excellent book, I have it and I have a preemie.

The Wonder Weeks - Predictable developmental spurts where baby is fussy then suddenly seems to learn new skills.  You're supposed to adjust for gestational age, so the 5-6 week spurt would happen when my nephew is 14-15 weeks old.  Is that just too much math? Maybe the timelines are too different for very little preemies?  It goes up to 18 months and has a journal section so you can record new skills your baby learns after each spurt.  I'll be looking up this book and your sister (and family) will soon be calculating the adjusted age for months to come.  Its second nature to me now!  Sounds like a wonderful book for her to have.

At1stsight

I think they're both probably fine. HBOTB is definitely fine.

My only hesitation for the 2nd book is not the math part (adjusted age becomes second nature to us, as PP mentions), but just generally thinking about milestones. A good pedi for preemies will always remind moms that there's a good range of normal, and so even if you're not spot on with adjusted age for a milestone, plenty of FT babies won't be rolling at 4 mo., and 6 mo. for FT'ers is still normal. If the book has a good relaxed viewpoint for that (emphasizing ranges like smiling at 6-12 weeks rather than smiling at 8 weeks period), it's probably good.

You're kind to be sensitive to her situation. A lot of us have more slows in the early weeks and months, so it can be very stressful esp. if this is her first time as a mom. I say just use your best judgment on the second book and keep being a sweet supportive sis! GL to your sister - tell her about this board if she has questions or wants to vent about the NICU.

luvdv8

I actually think that HBOTB is a book that every preemie parent should own- especially since that "fourth trimester" lasts so much longer when a LO comes early. I think that book really helped DH and I out and I'm so glad we read it before DD's surprise arrival.

luckycooky

At1stsight:

My only hesitation for the 2nd book is not the math part (adjusted age becomes second nature to us, as PP mentions), but just generally thinking about milestones. A good pedi for preemies will always remind moms that there's a good range of normal, and so even if you're not spot on with adjusted age for a milestone, plenty of FT babies won't be rolling at 4 mo., and 6 mo. for FT'ers is still normal. If the book has a good relaxed viewpoint for that (emphasizing ranges like smiling at 6-12 weeks rather than smiling at 8 weeks period), it's probably good.

 

I couldn't agree more with this.  I have actually not purchased some books because of this.  I also haven't used a baby book we received as a gift for the same reason.  This baby book has a page for each month and on the 4 month page, it says "You rolled over on this day", etc.  I don't want her baby book to be filled with asteriks saying "Because you were a preemie, you didn't do this at 4 months." We are celebrating the milestone whenever it happens.  It can be hard to get to that point so I definitely recommend books that offer a range for each milestone.

Congrats Auntie!

lemen99

I think HBOTB is a great idea. I've wanted to read it myself.

I've also wanted to read WW, but I'm not sure about the reminds of milestones. Even on an adjusted age basis Andrew is pretty behind (he used to be caught up).  I try not to worry about it too much, but it is irritating to read certain things (Babycenter emails are the worse!).  I think I still would have enjoyed this book though but am pretty easy going and not very sensitive.  I think you should make a judgment call based on her personality. 

Also you could give it to her and let her make the call. I don't think that option would offend her, for sure.  Maybe she'll be ready to read it at some point (?)

Maybe consider throwing in a preemie journal. I wish I'd had one!

whosJOmomma

Thanks for the advice, everyone.  I will give my sister both books, with some caveats around the Wonder Weeks that she can use it or not.  The WW is more about changes in brain development at different stages than physical milestones, so it might be an interesting read even if the age-adjusted weeks don't correlate well.  I'll let her decide.

Merry Christmas!