Should I do this?

SaraSmile

So last night I go out to my car and there is a very nasty note on it.  My neighbor across the street who I never met before but have waved to (they are new to the neighborhood) left me a note that I need to be more considerate when parking in front of his house (it got a little nastier).  Basically I park in front of his house sometimes (it's a townhouse development) and I should have pulled up a little farther away from the entry to his driveway.  I wasn't blocking it at all and it's a public street.

I was furious at first.  Now I am thinking I should leave an apology note with a Christmas Card and a small container of my homemade cookies.  I will say "sorry I had no idea and will make sure to pull up farther from now on ... blah blah".  What do you think?  I know he is married, they are a young couple in the late 20s I think. 

What do you think?

Rebekah1021

That would be the nice thing to do and to take the high road. I'll be honest, that's the last thing I would want to do though.

Yodajo

I would never leave cookies and a letter of apology for someone who wrote me a nasty letter for where I parked on a public street. He should be baking YOU cookies and writing you an apology Letter for being a douchebag.

Zenya

If I was going to respond at all I'd be more inclined to write something like "sorry about that.  no need to be anasshole about it"

Why would you bake cookies for someone who left you a nasty note?  

lsufan

Trying to kill him with kindness?  He'll probably be afraid to eat the cookies.    

But seriously, I think that's a good way to diffuse the situation.  What else was in the note? 

Temp108743750006959

just don't park so close and leave it at that.

melmax

vccake:

just don't park so close and leave it at that.

This. I would take into consideration what he wrote, but I wouldn't apologive after he wrote a nasty note.

Yodajo

In all seriousness, what I really would do is to go to him and say, "hey, I got your note! I'm sorry where I parked was an issue. I'll try not to do that again. Maybe next time you can just talk to me about it instead of leaving me unpleasant notes, ok?". I'm a little confrontational that way and would have to address it with him directly.

SaraSmile

Well our neighborhood is pretty close.  I am friendly with several neighbors and we hang out a lot - especially in the summertime.  I really love my neighborhood.  I feel like if I write a nasty note back it will just cause on ongoing feud that will never end.  Plus I have been trying to be kind to others during Advent this year ... and I thought that this is another one of those opportunities to do the better thing. I was thinking about the baked cookies (that are already baked and I really want to get rid of, LOL) but maybe they will be afraid to eat them.  Maybe a box of chocolates instead? 

Yodajo

SaraSmile:

Well our neighborhood is pretty close.  I am friendly with several neighbors and we hang out a lot - especially in the summertime.  I really love my neighborhood.  I feel like if I write a nasty note back it will just cause on ongoing feud that will never end.  Plus I have been trying to be kind to others during Advent this year ... and I thought that this is another one of those opportunities to do the better thing. I was thinking about the baked cookies (that are already baked and I really want to get rid of, LOL) but maybe they will be afraid to eat them.  Maybe a box of chocolates instead? 

I wouldn't. If you do that, you are being a doormat. I get keeping the peace, which is why I would just talk to him like I said above. Really, it is not ok to leave someone a nasty letter when you have never approached them and let them know how you feel about a situation before.

Zenya

SaraSmile:

Well our neighborhood is pretty close.  I am friendly with several neighbors and we hang out a lot - especially in the summertime.  I really love my neighborhood.  I feel like if I write a nasty note back it will just cause on ongoing feud that will never end.  Plus I have been trying to be kind to others during Advent this year ... and I thought that this is another one of those opportunities to do the better thing. I was thinking about the baked cookies (that are already baked and I really want to get rid of, LOL) but maybe they will be afraid to eat them.  Maybe a box of chocolates instead? 

no.  seriously.  Are you in the habit of kissing up to people who treat you likeshit?   

r9stedt

Yea, everything yodajo said!

goodheartedmommy

I think it's a nice thing to do--turn your other cheek, you know?

SaraSmile

Zenya:

SaraSmile:

Well our neighborhood is pretty close.  I am friendly with several neighbors and we hang out a lot - especially in the summertime.  I really love my neighborhood.  I feel like if I write a nasty note back it will just cause on ongoing feud that will never end.  Plus I have been trying to be kind to others during Advent this year ... and I thought that this is another one of those opportunities to do the better thing. I was thinking about the baked cookies (that are already baked and I really want to get rid of, LOL) but maybe they will be afraid to eat them.  Maybe a box of chocolates instead? 

no.  seriously.  Are you in the habit of kissing up to people who treat you likeshit? Ummm no ... actually quite the oppostie but like I said, I am trying to be a better person!!!!!!!!!!  

SaraSmile

Ummm no ... actually quite the oppostie but like I said, I am trying to be a better person!!!!!!!!!!  

AnnapolisLari

Competely agree with Yodajo. That guy is way out of line.

happ17

totally ditto yodajo. that guy's a douche, but you can be nice without being a doormat.

Jen2124

I want to know what the note said. It depends how nasty he was! Post it for us to decide

Stellasmom

I think being super nice to someone who was nasty to you is awesome.  It makes them feel like a jackass (most of the time), and it makes you the bigger person.  In the case that y'all just got off to a bad start, you'll diffuse the tension and salvage a potential friendship.  In the case that he's just a d*ck in general, you'll probably guilt him into leaving you alone from now on. lol

SaraSmile

I am at work and the note is at home in my kitchen ... but it said something about me having to be more considerate.  It seemed kind of condesending.  Even if the note wasn't super mean I think it's insane to take the time to write a note and put it on my windshield.  You can walk 10 more steps across the street to my house.  You know I am home ...  my lights were on and it was dark. 

Also, it could have been the wife or the husband that wrote it.  I don't know for sure. 

CBKMRB

melmax:

vccake:

just don't park so close and leave it at that.

This. I would take into consideration what he wrote, but I wouldn't apologive after he wrote a nasty note.

I agree with this.

I would never apologize let alone send cookies to someone who left me a nasty note.  If the note was not nasty I would probably do what you planned.  If you kiss his ass after him being nasty, you are basically giving him permission to do it again in the future.

Jen2124

Well, I don't know if I personally could bake cookies and apologize after someone was rude to me, BUT I also don't necessarily think that this is opening the door for your neighbor to treat you like cr*p in the future. This isn't someone you are in a relationship with, it's a neighbor. I actually think chances are good that you taking the high road would make him feel like and look like an a*s, but you never know! If I did bake cookies, it would be with the intention of making him look like a twat, not with the intention of trying to kiss his_ass . Seriously though, I do think killing someone with kindness has it's place and CAN work sometimes...just not sure I'd be able to do it.

I also see why you are annoyed by the note, but if it wasn't outright nasty, maybe they are just passive aggressive and didn't want to confront you face to face. Doesn't make it ok, but doesn't make them AS horrible, either. 

ridesbuttons

Yodajo:

In all seriousness, what I really would do is to go to him and say, "hey, I got your note! I'm sorry where I parked was an issue. I'll try not to do that again. Maybe next time you can just talk to me about it instead of leaving me unpleasant notes, ok?". I'm a little confrontational that way and would have to address it with him directly.

I agree with this.  Knock on his door, introduce yourself and let him know you got the note, you had no idea your parking was causing him grief and wish him a Merry Christmas.

Harder to be a knob to someone who has a face and a name.

Zenya

SaraSmile:

I am at work and the note is at home in my kitchen ... but it said something about me having to be more considerate.  It seemed kind of condesending.  Even if the note wasn't super mean I think it's insane to take the time to write a note and put it on my windshield.  You can walk 10 more steps across the street to my house.  You know I am home ...  my lights were on and it was dark. 

Also, it could have been the wife or the husband that wrote it.  I don't know for sure. 

In your OP you said it was 'very nasty'.   Which is it?  Because that determines the response...

And I don't think a note is weird in itself.  F2F confrontation is hard. 

NewNameSameGame

F2F confrontation should NOT be hard, and if you don't have the ballz to do it, then don't leave a note...I agree that notes are NEVER a good thing....its ridiculous if you can't say it face to face, then you probably shouldn't say it.

He's a tool, and you are too nice if you make him cookies, plus I think the cookies would be side eyed and thrown away with worry they are laced with exlax.....lol.  So skip the cookies, and go say something to him along the lines of "next time come talk to me.  I didn't realize my parking was bothering you." and leave it at that.

 

SaraSmile

My husband and I personally felt the note was nasty.  However, who knows if that is how the person really meant to come across.  Or if they were having really bad day and left the note in the heat of the moment.  It's hard to determine the tone of the note.  I read it and my initial reaction was that it was nasty.  I showed it to my husband and he though the same thing.  I could post the exact wording on here (I can do it tonight when I have it) and some people might say yes it's nasty and some people might not think it is that bad. 

AggieCouple

I get irritated at people who park inconsiderately on our streets too, especially those who do it consistently.  I've never left a mean note, but when I'm already stuck in traffic because the elementary school located inside our neighborhood is letting out, and the two cars one set of neighbors on a main street HAVE to park on the street (despite having an empty driveway) is creating additional traffic issues, I definitely get a case of road rage.

I wouldn't bake cookies, but I might go over and apologize in person.  If you feel the note was rude, I might say something like, "Next time, maybe we can discuss this in person, like adults."

 All that being said, I think you're being super nice, and I totally get being extra nice to neighbors.  We are not even that close to our neighbors, but several of them have been very awesome in many ways throughout the years we've lived here.  

We accidentally left our garage door open when we went out of town for a week, but the neighbors didn't have our cell phone numbers.  One of them knew my sister was an optometrist in the vicinity.  He looked her up, found her, and told her what had happened.  Having neighbors who are that concerned for you is incredibly valuable.  If there was resentment, I can see someone just shrugging and saying "That's their problem." 

SaraSmile

We are extremely friendly with several of our neighbors.  In fact, our next door neighbor is my chiropractor and we occasionaly get together with his family as well as others in the neighborhood and do little cocktail parties.

To comment on people parking in the street when they have an empty driveway I am guilty.  My DH and I both work and I get home before him and leave earlier than him so I try to park in the street.  We can fit both cars in our driveway but it's a single lane.  He drops the kids in the morning at daycare so I like him to be able to have the spot in the driveway.

Last night when I parked "incorrectly" I was in a super hurry.  It was bitter cold and when I park I pull in my driveway, unload my car and our 2 kids ... leave the kids in the house and pull across the street to park.  So I am always doing it in a hurry. 

auggiedoggy

Chiming in totally late here, but why don't you park in front of your own house?  I'm not excusing the lame note-writing in place of chatting with you about it, but I'd be annoyed if my neighbors parked in front of my house all of the time when there was a space in their driveway and a space in front of their house.