Need sleep help for an almost 3 year old-PLEASE HELP

mlc92404

I will try to keep this short.  DS was sleeping just fine until the baby came and then he started wanting us in his room more and more.  We ended up creating/allowing bad habits that we are now trying to break.  He wants someone to lay with him when he goes to bed, which is fine, but as soon as you leave he flips out screaming for mommy or daddy.  Its getting better and only lasting 15 min or less but there are some nights it can go on for 30 min before he gives up. 

The biggest problem is the middle of the night.  He will wake up and can't put himself back to sleep.  He has a sound machine and a night light....both he knows how to turn on and off depending what he feels he needs.  When he wakes in the middle of the night one of us will go in, stay for 10-15 min and then leave (making sure to leave before he falls asleep).  But as soon as we leave its the crying fit again.  But it always lasts at least 30 min and sometimes an hour or more.  We dont want to continue to go in there because we feel that will just make the habit worse.  We're afraid if we dont go in at all in the middle of the night he will panic.  But we can't seem to figure out how to get him to go back to sleep on his own in the middle of the night or go back to sleep quickly after us coming in for a few minutes.

We really need to correct this and DH and I are arguing a lot lately from frustration and lack of sleep.  Also, DH is on the road for work a lot and the lack of sleep from DS's crying in the middle of the night isn't safe for DH when he has to be driving.

Please help!

ilovemygirls

You have to stop going in.  I know the habit was created unintentionally, but really, at this point he's getting what he wants when you go in there.  In order to start ratcheting it down, I'd set a timer for 10 min or so to lay w/him.  Explain when the timer goes off, it's time for you to go out.  Before all of that though, explain that you won't be coming in his room in the night, that he's a big boy, etc. etc.  Tell him that again when you're leaving...and just do not go in.  I'll bet it will only take a night or two of torture for all of you & then he'll be back to sleeping good again. 

Different situation, but CIO was the best thing I ever did for my family w/our oldest. No one was getting any sleep, everyone was cranky and it was affecting our relationship.  I've been pretty strict about nighttime/bed ever since, and it works for us.  Good luck- it's not fun, but it's effective...

mlc92404

ilovemygirls:

You have to stop going in.  I know the habit was created unintentionally, but really, at this point he's getting what he wants when you go in there.  In order to start ratcheting it down, I'd set a timer for 10 min or so to lay w/him.  Explain when the timer goes off, it's time for you to go out.  Before all of that though, explain that you won't be coming in his room in the night, that he's a big boy, etc. etc.  Tell him that again when you're leaving...and just do not go in.  I'll bet it will only take a night or two of torture for all of you & then he'll be back to sleeping good again. 

Different situation, but CIO was the best thing I ever did for my family w/our oldest. No one was getting any sleep, everyone was cranky and it was affecting our relationship.  I've been pretty strict about nighttime/bed ever since, and it works for us.  Good luck- it's not fun, but it's effective...

I was afraid of that.  I just worry that he will panic.  He already gets himself so worked up that I'm afraid he will make himself sick.  He can get out of his room but for whatever reason chooses not to.  What do I do if he starts getting out of his room?

Zenya

We just let DS come into our room if he wakes up.  He stopped coming in by himself in the past few months.  I guess when he was about 4.  When DD was born he was extra needy, too.  He just needed some extra snuggles at night.  

He has to come in by himself, quietly and just go to sleep.  No talking, whining etc.  It worked for us and we'll do the same with DD when the next baby is born.

I never do CIO with my kids though, at any age. 

mlc92404

Zenya:

We just let DS come into our room if he wakes up.  He stopped coming in by himself in the past few months.  I guess when he was about 4.  When DD was born he was extra needy, too.  He just needed some extra snuggles at night.  

He has to come in by himself, quietly and just go to sleep.  No talking, whining etc.  It worked for us and we'll do the same with DD when the next baby is born.

I never do CIO with my kids though, at any age. 

That is just a habit we do not want to get into.  The other thing is, even thought he CAN get out of his room, he never does.  He sits in his bed screaming and crying and/or rattles his door handle....and we KNOW he can open the door.

Zenya

yeah, it's not for everyone  We got him to come in by himself by DH standing at his door and whispering for him to walk to him.   

mlc92404

Zenya:

yeah, it's not for everyone  We got him to come in by himself by DH standing at his door and whispering for him to walk to him.   

Dont get me wrong, I would love having DS in bed with us.  He sleeps well there and I love having him in there.  When he is old enough to understand that its only a special treat he gets occasionally we will let him, but for now we know it would just become an impossible habit to break (based on his personality)