how to proceed?

cocadoll

I didn't know this board was here.

I have a 25 month old who is very comfortable with the potty.  I introduced it when he was about 14-16 months old.  He will pee and poo on the potty without issue.  The problem is that he is not very verbal.  He is just starting to say a few words and he doesn't tell me when he needs to go.  He goes when we take him and he poops in the potty when I catch him about to go in the diaper.  I will ask him if he is pooping and he will actually stop until we get to the potty and finish there if it's not already too late.  I tried underwear before and gave up because we had to go out.  Today I put him in undies and he has only had one accident.  I have been taking him every 30 mins to potty and put a dipe on for nap.  Don't know if he is dry because he is still napping.  But he sleeps for two hours so I doubt he is dry.  I used to use cloth diapers but use disposable on him now.  I am thinking about going back to cloth during the day so that he will feel the wet, but I am not constantly cleaning our carpet from accidents.  What do you ladies suggest?

How do I get him to realize he has to pee or poo before he does it?  Suggestions on how to get him to tell me he has to go?  What is the 3 day thing I keep seeing people ask for in their email?    Thanks!

silvurturtle

1st -- you MUST ditch the diapers.  Make a big production over it.  Have him place all of the diapers in a gift bag or box, wrap and give to someone that could use them.  But the point is, once you switch you CAN NOT go back.

2nd -- you should really adjust expectations.  It is not possible for most kids to have few accidents in the beginning.  Accidents are part of the learning process, much like life.  Accidents help for them to realize the sensation that he had before he started peeing/pooping.  He probably hasn't recognized this and therefore cant tell you when it is time to go.  It is equally important to not get mad or angry over accidents, expect them and stock up on carpet cleaner.

When he does have an accident, immediately wisk him to the bathroom while saying "uh oh, yucky yucky yucky eww." You want for him to understand that this is not a good thing but at the same time know that you are not angry, upset, or disappointed.  Once you are in the bathroom, let him finish on the potty while telling him that 'we go ___________ in the potty.  You need to let me know when you need to go potty.  Oh well, we can try better next time."  I can not emphasize enough that this is not to be a chastising but rather a quick talk with NO hint of anger, disappointment, or upset.

Initially, he wont be able to verbalize consistently, especially if he isn't verbal to begin with.  Therefore, you need to make sure that you are taking him to the potty on a regular schedule for the first several days to a week.  Initially, I took my DD every 20-30 min.  Once your son does go potty in the potty, have a party!  Make it so over the top that you feel silly.  Call grandparents and friends.  (tell them in advance so it doesn't seem so wierd.  They will get it, promise).  Have a prize/reward system that is of value for your son.  (My daughter LOVES m&ms, so she would get two when she would go potty initially.  Now we get one for P and two for poo.)  If your son is not verbal, consider using a sign in addition to verbal cues.  That way he can alert you by sign in the future.

Third -- you can't become a recluse/hermit for the next month to two months while you are potty training.  (yes, it can take that long).  Therefore, I would invest in some sham-wow like cloths to place in the car seat to absorb any accidents that occur in the car.  Also be sure to have him go potty before leaving the house to minimize accidents in the car.  If it is going to be a long road trip, leave early to allow for at least one stop an hour.

Fourth -- pack your diaper bag with extra changes of clothes.  Several pairs of pants, underwear, AND socks.  You may want to consider a shirt too.  Be prepared, you will be doing a lot of laundry initially but it does get less. 

Just a quick note on underwear.  I recommend the trainers by Gerber (you can find them in Target) initially.  Talk it up to him starting a couple days in advance.  I have a potty training book by fisher price that really helped her get that this is a big girl milestone.  They also have one for boys, I highly recommend it.  Make a special trip to the store with him for the sole purpose of purchasing underwear.  Have him pick out the design. (the designed versions are just slightly more expensive, so only get a pack or two, the rest just get plain white to save money)  You will need to have at least 24 so expect to spend about $70.  I was shocked at the expense of potty training once you add everything up! 

Pick a day, get started, and don't look back. 

A few random tips I picked up:

Take pictures of him to make him feel extra special while he is on the potty. 

NO PULLUPS at school/daycare if he goes unless they are mandated by policy.  Don't bow to teacher/caretaker pressure.  They are expensive diapers when used like this.  I used pullups at night until we were uber consistent during the day.  We are now transitioning from this as well.

Be prepared to vary your rewards.  I have gone from m&ms to stickers to TV time and little trinkets such as beaded necklaces, bracelets, painting fingernails, etc.  and back again.  Be creative. 

Don't ask if he needs to go potty.  The answer will always be no.  Instead just say it is time to go potty.  Having a designate timer that has an audible beep is helpful.  When it goes off, get excited and say "oooooo, its time to go potty!  Yeah, lets go!"  Again silly, but it does really work to disengage them from what ever activity they were engrossed in.  As he gets a better grip on the whole process, you can extend the interval of the trips.  Initially, expect to feel like you are living in the bathroom.

Relax.  It wont happen overnight, or even in the first few weeks for most kids.  Expect to have your carpets cleaned or to rent a cleaner if you dont' already have one.  I highly recommend Nature's Miracle for spot treatments until you are ready to do the big clean. 

Keep the potty a positive experience.  Do not punish for accidents even if they happen less than two minutes after you leave the potty. 

When it clicks, it clicks.  Potty training definitely involves a lightbulb moment.  It may flicker, it may dim, but eventually it will shine as long as you are consistent.

 BE CONSISTENT!

Hope that helps.