Need your opinion

caitdana

My brother and I used be extremely close.  Long story short, my girls are 5 1/2 weeks old (born at 27 weeks with 2 days notice) and he has not called once. Not a word from him. Last night while visiting the girls he called my mom and asked to speak with me to see what Dh and I wanted for christmas. I took the opportunity to let him know my disappointment with him not caring or being supportive during this hard time. He gave a bunch of lame excuses about how he has a life (i just suggested he call me, not anything else). He has since sent a mass text to our family saying that he is no longer coming to Christmas because of me. I dont have the energy to deal with this because obviously I have more important things going on. Some family members have suggested I call and appologize tonight. I have nothing to appologize for since I had a valid reason for being upset and I did not yell or say any untrue statements. I am at a loss and have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?

lemen99

I wonder if maybe he just doesn't know what to say, or how to help?  although I can't explain why he would get defensive about it, but maybe deep down he feels bad.

You're totally overwhelmed right now but it also might be a relief to have things mended.  What if you send him a quick email (I like email, ha) explaining why the last few weeks have been so hard and that you would really like his support.  Maybe you could offer some ideas of what exactly that means....whether it be a text saying he prayed for the baby that day, or a meal delivery, or just a break to chat over coffee, etc.

 

stephanie073

My sisters and I are extremely close as well. We kinda have to be, we're triplets. I totally understand where you're coming from, my sister and I just had a big argument about "perfect pregnancies". It's extremely difficult to deal with these arguments and having a baby in the NICU (in your case, babies). You're not in the wrong for saying what you did, and if this is the way he wants to be then there's not a whole lot you can do to change it. You can only control what you do. I also like email....shoot him one! Just explain why you said what you said. If you already did, do it again. You don't HAVE TO apologize, but do make sure you're clear on what you were conveying and keep yourself open to your brother. Like PP said, he probably just doesn't know what to say.

At1stsight

You don't have to apologize. However, if you send an email as described by PP, just explaining, not apologizing, it'd probably go a long way in at least smoothing things over with your OTHER relatives. (You can tell them that you sent him an email trying to explain what all was going on.)

My brother and I are quite close as well. He called twice but that was about it during our NICU stay and our ordeal. The reality is, he had no idea what was really going on. He saw us at Christmas, 5 mo. later, and was taking some pics off my computer to add to his, and he came across pics from the NICU. He came up to me and told me, "I had no idea. I can't even imagine what that must have been like. I'm really sorry I wasn't more helpful or supportive during that time." He really didn't understand until he saw the pics.

So long story short, maybe include a pic of your girls, tubes and wires and all, and attach it to the email, just saying that you wanted to include a pic of his nieces. Don't go into details about it all - just send it along. A picture may be worth a 1000 words and help him understand a little.

FisMom

I found the NICU experience to be very isolating. I don't think you have anything to apologize for and agree with pps about sending an email. Include photos. I'm sorry you are dealing with this right now.