Is daycare a co-parent?

Jaylea

A home daycare provider on the first tri board thinks she's a co-parent to all of the kids she watches. See, I think H and I are my daughter's parents, not her daycare provider.

Tracy1011

The daycare people are more of teachers to my son. Not parents.  By a long shot.  Are they there in the middle of the night when he's scared or hurt?  No.  I am.  They do a job that I pay them for, but I parent my child, not them.

amiamish

a "co parent" no. My DCP is very loved and appriciated, but she merely TEACHES my child... she doesn't parent them.

She doesn't decide what he can have, if he'll be FF or BF, if he shoud CIO or not, take him to the doc when he's sick, pick out and provide his clothes/toys, love him unconditionally... hell - she has NO rights to him. You have to have rights or DNA to the child to be considered a "co parent"

 

JMO.

Kapalua

It's hard for me to say that our daycare provider does not play a huge role in ds's life.  I would *never* call her a co-parent, though. 

Maybride2

I guess that means that all teachers are co-parents as well, right?

JellymanKelly

Uh no. That's freaking ridiculous.

Jaylea

These were my points. Does she hold a major role in DD's life? Sure. But she's not a parent, by ANY stretch.

https://talk.thenestbaby.com/boards/ShowPost.aspx?PostID=56705951

stacynikki

Hell no!  I have unconditional love for my child.  It's me he cries for when I drop him off, and it's me he runs to when I pick him up.  His teachers may be there to pick up the slack during the work week but they have no final say so in how I parent my child. 

DandR

hmmm....I sometimes think of our nanny as a co-parent...I mean, she's pretty influential in their life...she's been with us 2 years and my kids would be devestated if she quit.

Is she equal to me, which "co-" implies...no...I'm ultimate authority and my kids truly love me more than her.  But I don't see her as just a sitter or teacher or whatever...she's a part of our family.  My middle DD even said once "no, we are missing 'nanny'" when my oldest DD said "the whole family is here!"

But yeah, I think daycare is a little different....so are all the other classmates 'co siblings'??

capecodbaby

Absolutely not but I would rather have someone who cares enough about the kids that she watches consider herself one than not.  I haven't read the post but to me that shows that she truly cares about the kids that are in her care.

I feel so lucky to have found ds's provider and honestly think of her as part of the family - but def not a co-parent

Jaylea

that's the thing, DandR. I love that DD is close to her provider. They care about each other a lot.

But my provider would never, in a million years, think that she shares an equal role in her life.

august06mom

I think you'd have a hard time finding anyone who would agree with you -- no one wants to think their DCP could come close to having as large an effect on their DC as them.

FWIW, I don't think I'd go so far as to call my DCP a co-parent, especially since he only goes part-time. But I do know that she's the most important person in DS's life, after DH and I. She sees him more and knows him better than his grandparents do.

neesernicole

to me, a co-parent is someone who parents with me and the whole point of daycare is to care for my child while I'm not there.  my husband is my co-parent b/c we parent together...dcp, not so much.

jorie

I don't get why that seems like such a bad thing.  I'm sure the DCP doesn't honestly think she's the kids' parent, but given that she says that, I'm sure she loves them and provides for them like their parent while the kids are in her care. 

My kids go to an in-home daycare and I certainly see the DCP as more of a parent than a teacher while they're with her.  She loves them immensely and has become so attached to them (and vice versa) since they've both been with her since they were just a couple of months old.  Sadly (for me), she sees them more than I do during the week. So yes...she does play a "parenting" role in that she disciplines them, loves them, provides for their needs, makes decisions regarding their care while they're with her, etc.  Does she think she's the ultimate authority when it comes to parenting issues?  Of course not.  But I wouldn't send my kids to her unless I trusted her to parent them in my absense.

Maybride2

jorie - the person in the thread that Jaylea is referring to said that she'd never send her kids to daycare and pay to have them parented by someone else. 

Ironic that she works in the industry that she so despises.  She must be super thankful that there are enough parents out there that ARE willing to let someone else "parent" their children to provide her with the income she needs to not be one of them.

Jaylea

I think you need to read the posts to get a sense of the tone and smugness and why it's rubbed me the wrong way.

And honestly, to tell me they're co- means on the same level. And that's offensive to me.