Your best pep talk for a new mom struggling to BF?

CubbyMama

My sister had her baby yesterday, and when I texted her this morning, she said she was awake all night trying to get the baby to latch.  Her DH said she's struggling with how to position him and getting him to latch correctly, so she finally asked the nurse for a bottle. I guess they tried to discourage her from giving a bottle, and she felt like they were saying she's a bad mom (although I'm sure they just wanted to be sure she didn't give up and jeopardize her supply so early on).

She had a c/s so she'll be in the hospital until tomorrow.  I already told her DH to make sure the lactation consultant comes in to watch/help her nurse if need be.  I want to be supportive and hopefully help her stick it out if that's what she ultimately wants, without making her feel pressured or judged.

I thought if you all could post your BF'ing words of encouragement, experiences with early struggles, etc. that I could print it out before I go down to the hospital today.  TIA!

veloelle

Take it one day at a time. Thinking about BFing the next day was too overwhelming at times. And if she does the bottle route, no mom guilt allowed.

Jodi&Joe

My #1 thing that I wish could have got through my head when I was trying to BF is that it doesn't have to be all or nothing.  Just b/c she gave a bottle, she can try to nurse at every feeding. 

But also, have the LC in there whenever possible.  Football hold tends to work best (I have heard anyway) for new nursing moms.  But that LC is going to be KEY right now.

And lastly, follow up any advice with "formula is fine!" or something along those lines.  Just feed the baby -- any way you can.

krissymoves

Looking back, the things that I think helped me the most:

-- It's a learning process. It's okay to feel like you don't know what you're doing, just take it one day at a time. BF'ing is a completely new to you and your baby. Many people struggle and go on to successfully BF - you're not alone!!!

-- And related to that, it gets SO much easier. Hard to believe when you're starting, but it really does.

-- Try to relax. This is hard, but the more stressed and anxious I became, the harder it was to get DS to latch. Think good thoughts and enjoy your new baby!

Good luck to your sister!

buffalo_buckeye

Keep her in touch with the LC's. I think I met with 4 until the last one really got us latched. If it wasnt for her I definitely would have quit. The first 3 weeks are the worst! If she can set small goals she will be more likely to be successful. And while an occasional bottle of formula is ok in the beginning I would try to pump and bottle feed/and try to latch first after about the first few days. Establishing supply is important...I wouldnt worry so much about the bottle aspect but the supply is important in the beginning. Like others said, it doesn't have to be all or none, but if she was hoping to exclusively bf than I would try not to give formula for weeks 2-8.

A-baybride

Get a LC in there ASAP to help with the latch.  In the meantime, make sure to give her some hints (baby's mouth wide open, stuff as much of her breast in there as possible) so she doesn't end up with horribly sore nips.  And put the lanolin cream on after every feeding

After DD was born, the hospital LC made me feel like DD was hopeless because she wouldn't latch while the LC was there.  Later that day I was stressing about it and said something to the regular nurse, and she told me to not worry, that babies were born with enough fluids in their bodies to last the first few days until your milk comes in, so there was no need to worry about dehydration.  Ironic that it was the regular nurse and not the LC that put me at ease.

The more she puts the baby to the breast, the faster her milk will come in. 

Some LCs say a proper latch shouldn't hurt, but with both my babies, the first few weeks I wanted to scream (sometimes did) every time they latched.  But I did eventually toughen up.  I think this is common with moms with fair skin.

I think post partum nurses are in a tough spot.  If they offer a bottle to a struggling mom, they're accused of pushing formula, and if they advise a mom (who has expressed a desire to BF) to hold off on giving a bottle, they're accused of being pushy about BFing.  Tell your sister not to let anyone make her feel guilty, especially because they were most likely just trying to be supportive.  I hope it gets easier for her, but no matter what she ends up doing, I hope she can ditch the guilt.  There will be much bigger things to worry about as a parent!

Cbidt's girl

Can you do it? Yes you can!!! Anyone else's kid obsessed with Bob the Builder? Anyhow... My bf experience was two weeks of excruciating pain, physical and emotional as I tried to figure out how to get DS to latch and feed. I remember vividly sitting in that chair with my boppy (curse the boppy) and my pillows adjusted just so, tears streaming down my face as my son went to town on my bloody cracked nipple - fast forwad to my easy breezy nursing for 18 months with DS1 and am still nursing DS2. Although there is no shame in formula, if I had let it be an option at the beginning I might not have worked as hard to get the bfing right. Just keep telling her that it gets easy. Way easier than cleaning all the bottles!

kelly&paul

I was having a hell of a time with ds, I couldn't get any of the "holds" right, he wasn't latching, I was in pain, you name it. I finally just kind of put him there and he rooted for a second and we had no problems after that. I was so stuck on doing it the "right" way, until I realized (and one of my pp nurses told me) there really is no wrong way. And if she has to give the baby a bottle than that's fine too. Does she have a boppy pillow? I used to wear mine "backwards" if you know what I mean, so my back was propped up and by the pillow and the babies head was, but my stomach was open kwim? good luck to your sister.

lsufan

I was so worried about Evan the first couple of days.  He was really sleepy, and didn't want to wake up to eat.  The lactation consultant got him latched on, but I couldn't do it.  The third day, right before we left the hospital, we finally got it right.  My milk came in that night, and it was pretty easy from then on (aside from some nipple pain the first few weeks and engorgement the first few days).

For me, there was no special trick.  I just kept practicing what the LC showed me, and eventually it worked.  

Good luck to your sister! 

 

ETA:  I almost forgot about the Boppy.  It really did help to not have to hold the baby up with my arms.  For some reason, I didn't have it in the hospital with me the first couple of days, and I was trying to use the hospital pillows, which weren't supportive enough. 

hs & js baby #1

1.  Ditto to the PP that the LC is impt.  I had a c/s with DS and was in the hospital for a few days.  A LC came in pretty much every day - and if I hadn't seen them and it was getting late, I requested that one come in.  It was great seeing several different ones too.  They each had different tidbits of advice.

2.  Don't feel like you HAVE to use the different BF gadgets that are supposed to make BF easy.  I had a Boppy and was having such a hard time getting DS in the right position.  I figured I was doing something wrong because I couldn't get DS on right.  Once I ditched the Boppy and just used a pillow, it was so much easier.  Now obviously a lot of people use the Boppy and love it - it just didn't work for me.

3.  This is mostly for BF, but for newborns in general, just take it a week at a time (or a day at a time, if you have to!).  Things may really suck this week, but next week they will be a little better - and even better the week after that, and better the week after that.   

Good luck to her!   

AggieCouple

This too shall pass. Start with crossover hold.  Boppies are awesome.  You don't really need to wake the baby up every 2 hours.  Talk to someone.Let yourself cry.Tell your husband exactly what you need.  Have someone come over to hold the baby while you both sleep.  Call a LC if necessary.

 ETA: Day 9 is the turning point.  I don't know why; it just is.  I had a really hard time with ML.  She latched on wrong, and I didn't realize it.  Later I mainly realized this was because I thought the cradle hold seemed easiest, but you really need to support the head, so the crossover or football holds are best for newborns. My nipples were bleeding.  She was eating and burping up my blood.  I had a major breakdown on Day 9.  And that's all I needed.  I successfully nursed her until 17 months.  

More on the right hold: Get a boppy or other supportive pillow underneath the baby's head, because you want your arms to be relaxed and comforting, not rigid from supporting a weight.   I usually put my hand underneath the baby's head. and started the nipple at her forehead; this encouraged her to open her mouth really big, then I trailed the nipple down over her nose and into her mouth by navigating the baby (don't navigate your baby).  Bring the baby toward you, don't lower yourself to the baby.  With your free hand, squeeze the boob into a shape like a hamburger; imagine putting a sandwich in your mouth, and the angle the slope of the sandwich would need to be to really fit into your mouth... that's what you want your boob to be.  Once the nipple is in, get plenty of support beneath the head, so that your hand is only directing, not supporting.

 

HTH! 

AnnapolisLari

To get her to open her mouth as wide as it needs to be, trail the nipple down over her nose, until she's practically splitting her head in half to get at it. Then (using the 'hamburger hold' for the boob described above) slap her on the boob straight on. Baby to boob, not boob to baby.

It's hard in the beginning, but the more she tries the faster the milk will come in.

snickerdoodle27

For me, knowledge was power, so I read everything I possibly could on the subject, so a book or a pamphlet would be good. I was extremely sore when I bf'ed dd. My nipples bled and I ended up with mastitis twice. Not fun. But, I kept going at it and we finally got the hang of it. If she has someone there who can show her the right way to do things that will help. They can work with her dh so he can help her get in the right position (this is great for those of us who've had c-sections!) My dh was a huge support for me those first difficult weeks. Things I could not live without were Lansinoh nipple cream and the gel pads.

CubbyMama

Thanks, everyone!  I went to visit her today, but my mom was there earlier and already warned me that it sounded like my sister is ready to give up BF'ing and doesn't want to be talked into it.  I didn't say much about it while I was there and didn't print up these replies for her yet, but did tell her that it's not "all or nothing" and that once her milk comes in, she can always give a bottle here and there if she wants to. 

On my way out, I ventured into Meddling Territory and mentioned to her nurse that she's really wavering on the BF'ing thing, and that if there's any chance of her continuing, she's going to need support and a non-judgy LC to help her out.  If she shows any interest in continuing to try it, I'll definitely share your replies with her!