My FFFC

lynnshey

My 18 year old son called me on Monday night to let me know he is joining the Marines when he graduates high school.  He doesn't graduate until June, but is going to sign up in the next month.  I felt that this was coming.  He wants to be a police officer, but can't join until he turns 21.  I guess he thinks this is something to do until then.

Please don't get me wrong - I totally support our troops.  My dad is ex-Navy, both of my grandfathers are ex-Army, and I have a cousin who is ex-Marine.  I know brave men and women need to defend our country (I wish it wasn't so).  But the Marines?  They are always the first into battle and I worry about he will be likes when he gets out.  If he has to go, why not Navy or Air Force?  His dad (my ex) is a Marine and I really think it screwed him up.

I wish he would wait and sign up after graduation.  That way, in case he changes his mind, he has an out.  I really love my son, but don't understand some of his decisions sometimes.

robynlesley

Can you ask him to hold off on his decision until after graduation?  Is your relationship thus that he'd listen to your concerns?

stever

I cannot even imagine!

Even though I'm a bit of a bleeding hearted hippy, my family is full of military and ex-military(including my dad), but the idea of my boy putting himself at risk gives me chills. 

I agree with Robyn, see if you can get him to hold off.

 

ateytelb

I agree that you should try to get him to hold off. Does your son live with his father? Do you think the ex could have influenced him in any way?

Peppernut

Wow, good for you for taking that so well, and yeah, I think it's probably related to something about wanting to impress your ex.  Or just impress, generally.  The marine reputation is a tough one to trump, if you're 18 and have something to prove.

Maybe he'll get more positives out of it than your ex did.  I feel for you, though. 

dkays

That's tough.  I hope you get through to him or make your peace with it.

NewMrs07

It would be hard for me to deal with that, I agree with Robyn, maybe he can hold off on his decision. What about joining the Peace Corps? I don't know if he has to be 21 to do that too, but that's less risky and he'd still be busy helping people. If not that, there are other volunteer programs out there, maybe he just needs a purpose right now.

mtnrider

Wow that would bother me too.  What about having your ex talk some sense into him?  Or does he support the decision?

robynlesley

I guess I'd ask him if he still wants to be a police officer or if he has military career aspirations.  I don't think asking him to REALLY think this through is saying you're against this?which would likely upset him?but that you want to make sure he's making a thoughtful decision.

I was curious about requirements to be a police officer and found this site: https://education-portal.com/requirements_to_become_a_police_officer.html

It said:

Completing an associate or bachelor's degree program in criminal justice, law enforcement or a related discipline can be helpful in obtaining a job as a police officer. While not required by many departments, applicants may find formal education advantageous when vying for officer positions. State and federal agencies generally require a college education and degree-holders typically advance more quickly to higher ranks. Some departments will even provide tuition assistance to officers seeking degrees in pertinent fields.

So if your son truly wants to be a police officer, and probably a ranking officer, you may want to show him this.

 

Kandie35

I am so sorry. That is a difficult thing for a mother to deal with. I have had this discussion with my two oldest sons (nearly 20 and 17). My oldest is in college and was ready to drop out to join the military because all of my family are military.My step father who raised me was a Marine. Not fun. My cousins (male and female), uncles, and grandfather are all military as well(Air Force and Army). I managed to convince him to hold off until he finishes college. Then he could apply for Peace Corps which does many wonderful things to help this country and others and does not usually involve him having to be in a position to kill or be killed which definitely messes a person up. (Peace Corps prefers people with 4 or more years of college, btw). My 17 year old quit high school, much to my dismay and many many many screaming matches. He cannot even join the military right now (he actually quit to join and right after they changed it where they will not allow anyone without a GED to join, not even if they are in a GED program). This takes a great deal of stress off me for now. I openly do not support the wars and think the best way to support our troops is to bring them home.

lynnshey

Thanks everyone for your thoughts, ideas and suggestions.  I didn't get a chance to log in over the weekend, so I didn't get to respond to everyone individually.  Basically, T is one that when his mind is made up, it is made up.  I have asked my father to call and talk to him to see what the rush is.  T will listen more to him than to me.  In this situation, T thinks I'm aking as a "mom"; and as he is 18, he can make this decision himself.  My SO is going to talk to him when he comes out for Christmas - probably won't get him to change his mind, but we might get some more idea of why.

Robyn - thanks for the additional info.  The kid had a full ride scholarship to almost any college (I have a couple of family members that had offered to pitch in and pay for schooling along with me).  But T turned it down.  There are a couple of fmaily drama issues that I don't want to get into too much here.  As someone mentioned, I think he is trying to prove something.

Update - they didn't get his paperwork done, so the process has been pushed back.  With finals this week and the holidays next week, I'm hoping this doesn't get finalized until after Christmas.  I love my child, just don't agree with some of his choices.