Checking in...(Long vent included)

KelinandKevin

I haven't been posting here much at all.  I just haven't had the time and my focus has been elsewhere.  But I still stalk you ladies when I can!

I found out that I have use up all my IVF "tries" within one year.  So that means instead of taking a break like I want to we have to go back at it in March.  I am not thrilled.  Part of me says I should be thankful for the opportunity to have 4 tries at this, the other part of me says I am just not emotionally or physically ready to do it again.  Plus, I have gained like ... a lot (I won't make you sad by giving you a number) since my first m/c at the end of 2008.

I feel like I need to take a step back and get right with me.  My husband has a professor that is a special horomone/immunology doctor and he talked to her about me after class and she wants to meet with me and take all of my blood and focus on what might be wrong to see if we can precent m/c's.  She thinks that it could be Lupus or maybe Chron's disease based on conversations with Kevin, but who knows what he told her and how accurate he is (guys only remember so much). The only problem is she needs me to dedicate one year of no IVF to figuring out whats wrong and going through treatment.  So now I have to figure out a way to convince my doctors office to let me take a year off.  *SIGH*

Kevin and I had a nice long talk last night and we both to get the adoption process going after the first of the year.  We decided that no matter what the outcome of IVF we are NOT going to try it again so adoption will be the only way to grow our family.  Anyway, it may take a couple of years before we can actually adopt because we spent all our money on IVF, but I know it will happen someday, somehow. 

It is just hard to maintain hope and I am struggling with the reality that there is a good chance I will never get to experience a full pregnancy and be a biological mother to a child.  How do I get by this? It's like a part of me is lost and I will never get it back.

ade2be

Hugs Kelin.  This sucks so much.  I hope you can convince your doctor to take a year (or whatever you want) off.  The IVF process is difficult enough that you shouldn't be "forced" to do it on their timeline.  I would think it would work better for them anyways if you could focus some time on figuring out why the m/c instead of just keep trying.  So if you convince your doctor to take a break, the program will allow you to without loosing your $$ or tries?

GL with pursuing adoption.  I'm glad your both on the same page.

As for how to get back in touch with you......I wish I had the answers, but I don't.  I have been forever changed by my losses and struggles and don't know that I knkow how to get myself back.

I hope you have fun in Mexico!

butterfly843

Sending lots of hugs. Hope you can convince your dr to let you wait a year, maybe if the professor writes a letter to your drs office. You have been in my thoughts and will continue to be.

Pixiestx

I'm sorry you're going through so much with this.  I hope your doctor can see the benefit in waiting to try to figure out what the problem might be and give IVF a better chance of working. 

csquared426

((HUGS)) That is a lot to mull over. Good luck with your decisions, and the adoption process.

If you are going to get tested for Chron's, also get tested for Celiac. Those who have it, and don't know, it can cause m/c.

GL! 

jen629

Oh sweetie I am sorry {{{{HUGS}}}}

KelinandKevin

wickedsugar:

Ohh Hun, you are getting the biggest baddest Hug on Sunday !

Yesssssssssssssssssssss!  I love big bad hugs! 

Olive44

(((huge hugs)))

hoping&waiting

(((Hugs))).  I don't have good answers because I haven't been where you are.  I know you'll end up a family one way or another, and many years down the line it will matter less how you got there, but there's certainly a grieving process involved about it not going how you'd imagined/hoped. 

That's asinine that you have to do all your IVF tries in a year.  Fertility clinics are quite invested in making their success rates as high as possible since they're required to publish them, so if working on yourself or getting more investigation/treatment maximizes your chances of success, one would hope they'd be on board for that reason alone.

Fififa21

Huge hugs. I?m so sorry you are going through this. I hope that whatever you decide to do, is the right decision for you and you feel at peace with it. You will be a mom someday and a great one, I?m sure :-)

TeacherVicky

((Hugs hugs)) I'm so sorry.

DoingItRight

{{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}}}

I hope that you are able to work something out so that you can put the IVFs on hold to figure out what is going on with your body.

JayandTay09

Oh Kelin I am so sorry that you are dealing with all of this...I hope you get the answers and time you need to heal, both physically and emotionally...Sending you lots of (((((hugs)))))

sunshinenva

My heart aches for you sweetie.  I wish your doctor would allow you guys a break.  It is good you are talking about adoption, but I too have the same thoughts as you.  I want to experience pregnancy and everything that comes with it.  So sorry.  I am sending hugs out to you to tonight.

GuppyAmy

So I read your post and started thinking. Is it possible for the professor that your DH knows to talk to your RE? Maybe they could work together and who knows what they will discover, maybe the can publish to what they find. Lots of maybes but I hope you find the answer that your heart needs. Good luck.

KristysRedBarn

So many hugs.  I really wish I had an answer for you on how you get by with all this cr@p that we go through, but sadly I don't have one.  Just know we are all here for you, no matter what.