venting

Kelly_Turtle

I am new to this board....this website.  I had a miscarriage at 5 1/2 weeks.  It was my first pregnancy and I was so excited about it.  I am 27 and all I ever wanted was to be a mommy.  Anyway, I am doing okay, but I am having a hard time getting in the Christmas spirit.  My biggest problem is that my best friend is 15 weeks pregnant.  She does not live by me, so she is always sending me pictures of her growing belly.  She never knew I was pregnant, so she does not know about my loss.  It hurts to look at those pictures, but I am so happy for her.  I don't want to be the jealous or angry type.  I want to be there for her.  It just makes me realize what I am missing.  We are planning to get together over Christmas and I am trying to decide if I should tell her.  I don't want it to change anything, I just feel like I need my friend.  Babies just seem to be everywhere and it is so hard.  I had an appointment with my OB today to make sure I passed everything on my own and it was so hard to see other pregnant woman in the waiting room.  They look so happy.  My husband and I plan to try again, but I am so afraid that this is a sign that it is not meant to be (I struggle with anxiety).  Anyway, I just wanted to vent.  I am really sorry that we all have to visit this board.  I am sorry for everyone's loss. 

mdhealy676

I'm so sorry for your loss.  It's really hard to see other people, particularly those close to you go through a pregnancy right now.  I would really encourage you to talk to your friend.  She doesn't understand that she's hurting you and will continue to send those updates.  And even after you tell her, she may not understand that talking about certain things might upset you for many weeks/months to come.  You'll find lots of support on this board.  We'll get through the holidays together!  (((hugs))) 

jenn0021

I know how you feel a bit. Not exactly because every situation is different but I get frustrated with people too. Maybe I'm just over sensitive. I had a missed m/c at 9 weeks and had a D&C 7 weeks later. My pregnant SIL came over the day after my D&C with her big pregnant belly and had the nerve to complain about how annoying the baby was and how it kept kicking her. I wanted to scream at her that I had just had a surgery to remove my baby and she should be lucky she can feel those kicks. She knew that I was pregnant and she had been kept up to date on everything. People just don't think sometimes. It's completely up to you on whether you want to tell your friend or not but just keep in mind that it will still be hard. Unfortunately, we can't hide from all pregnant people. Feel free to vent anytime. We're here to listen.

hmclaughlin10

I am so sorry for your loss. I as well was going to be a first time mommy and I was getting very excited for it. I kind of have the same situation with you. My friend is due exactly a week after I was supposed to be due. She sent me an ultra sound picture of her baby and I just cried. I even told her I was pregnant and that I had had a missed m/c and she continued to text me and tell me how much she hated being sick every morning and hated being nauseous and so on. I was so upset and just jealous of her, but I couldn't find a way to say anything to her. I don't think it will ever get easier, I think we just find ways to make us not think about it. When that will kick in, who knows but hopefully soon. I hope you can find a way to get into the Christmas spirit. I know it will be hard, but it's nice to know you have a place to come when you need to vent or talk to other women that are in the same position you are. Hugs to you!

cameronk

I am so sorry for your loss:( It is a heartbreaking thing to sort through.  I told all of my closest friends because I needed their support, and she might turn out to be a strong support for you, or atleast she will stop inadvertly sending you pic updates, compaining about sore back, etc.  My sister-in-law and two best girlfriends are all pregnant right now, so it is a daily reminder of my loss, and I am jealous that I am supposed to be right there with them.  But, I try really hard to ask how they are feeling, talk about their baby news, sonograms, etc.  I don't want my loss to take away from their joy, but it is easier said than done - that's for sure!  No one will be able to understand your grief and pain, unless they have been through it, so this board is a great way to not feel so alone.  Maybe you and your husband could plan something special to do together to help you get in the X-mas spirit, maybe go iceskating, or bake some holiday cookies together for co-workers, etc.  If you don't feel up to it, then just bag all of the details this year and focus on each other.  Best of luck with your future pregnancy one day:)

mkwt

I am so sorry you are going thru this.  I too, know exactly how you feel.  I love Christmas, it is my favorite time of the year.  I will say that I forced my self to put out my decorations, and i can say that the day after Chrismtas they are coming down, I am just not in the mood this year.  I have a new baby cousin (she is less than a month old), and I skipped Thanksgiving because I knew it would be too hard to see her, and how I am going to get thru Christmas I have no idea.  My sister and I went to Target today and I had to get the new baby cousin something for Christmas, my sister even offered to go in that section and get something for me.  I told her no, I thought I could do it.  Well needless to say I broke down when I seen all the cute stuff and all the little babies.  I have no real advice, just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!