should I tell DH the Truth...

breaheckusa

Some of you know from my other posts that DH and I dont live together currently (we seperated, he enrolled in school and lives in a dorm, etc etc) (side note: were back together & things have been amazing ;-)...we just still dont live together) anyways he'll have a month break for christmas. He'll be living with us in that time and will have DD all day while i am at work.  

DH missed out on DD's first crawling and babbles and stuff since we were seperated. I keep trying to make him feel better by saying shes is days away from taking steps on her own and he'll be there with her when she does. and this is what hes been telling me gets him through these last few days of finals.

WELLLLL.....my friend from church who watches DD all day long for me told me this morning that yesterday DD was standing up on her own and would take a step and fall...(she told me this morning because shes facing the same dilemna i am...she didnt know how to tell me) she knew id be upset that i missed it. and i was (i cried)

sooo.... do i tell DH that she already started standing and stepping or just not say anything since i havent even seen it yet either and let her do it for him in this next month and let him think he was there for the first....

i know some of you might be like WTH wouldnt you tell him. but he already feels so guilty about missing 2-3 months of her life already (due to our seperation) so have a heart and think of both sides here.

shoeboxx

Tell him!

blessedinthewest

I would probably tell him the truth.  I mean he is a grown man I hope he can handle the truth.

Culkinator54

I wouldn't tell him.  Honestly, I'm surprised your friend told you!  My DCP has a rule that a milestone hasn't yet been met until the mom/dad sees it and says something.  I'm glad she has the rule.  Otherwise, it's be an emotional battle all.the.time about possibly missing something.

aocain02@yahoo.com

MrsGarciatobe:

I would probably tell him the truth.  I mean he is a grown man I hope he can handle the truth.

This. DH and I both consider it a first when we witness it for the first time.

alltwistedup

Culkinator54:

I wouldn't tell him.  Honestly, I'm surprised your friend told you!  My DCP has a rule that a milestone hasn't yet been met until the mom/dad sees it and says something.  I'm glad she has the rule.  Otherwise, it's be an emotional battle all.the.time about possibly missing something.

This

slmcronelaw

ALG29:

MrsGarciatobe:

I would probably tell him the truth.  I mean he is a grown man I hope he can handle the truth.

This. DH and I both consider it a first when we witness it for the first time.

I agree with this!

MammaBear81

I'm on the flipside I don't think you should tell him.  Just let him experience it for himself.  Of course its up to you, GL!

kelbel527

AshPal61:

I would probably tell him she's standing, but not mention the "stepping"...because,  it's not like she's actually walking .  And if he is already bummed about missing out, then I wouldn't put too much on the list of things he's missed. He may take the "stepping" as "she's taken her first steps"

And then hopefully when he's home, she'll take a step or two in front of him and he'll feel great for being there for it.

I like this suggestion.  I never believe in keeping something from DH even if it is to protect him.  Maybe it's because I come from a long line of women who aren't 100% truthful with their men...

ella.mabel

I have a hard time lying about anything.  I think i'd tell him the truth.  Especially since you guys have reunited, it's probably best to start out on an honest note.

Culkinator54

ALG29:

MrsGarciatobe:

I would probably tell him the truth.  I mean he is a grown man I hope he can handle the truth.

This. DH and I both consider it a first when we witness it for the first time.

That is more of what I was getting at.  If you see it, then yes, tell him.  If it's from the DCP and you don't see it, then I'd wait and just tell him she's standing and trying to walk.

nealbl

Let him experince it himself. I told my sitter from day one if LO ever did anything for the first time there do not tell me I feel guilty enough that I leave her everyday I do not want to know if I am missing her firsts.

ella.mabel

You could always give him the option and ask him if there are any firsts, would he want you to tell him?  If he says no, then you can feel ok about keeping it a secret.

Krisann79

Tell him.  If my DH was able to move out and live in a dorm away from his baby then he's grown enough to accept that he wasn't there. 

Plus it's not like you got to see it either..... so he would have missed it anyways.

KKleese

Culkinator54:

I wouldn't tell him.  Honestly, I'm surprised your friend told you!  My DCP has a rule that a milestone hasn't yet been met until the mom/dad sees it and says something.  I'm glad she has the rule.  Otherwise, it's be an emotional battle all.the.time about possibly missing something.

This.  Everyone that watches DS knows not to tell me if he hits a milestone with them!

breaheckusa

based on all your honest opinins iam probably not going to tell him.

the fact that he made the decison to move out and miss out is irrelevant. i wish my DCP did not tell me. so iam gonna give DH the same respect i wish i had gotten. to be able to experience it on his own and feel that joy first hand.

PS i really thought more of you were going to be pro telling him and i would be flamed!

yay! lol

LarloBlue

I am lucky enough to stay home with DD, but in the beginning when I was going to go to work I told my friend, who was going to watch her, to just not tell me anything like that. I would just prefer to believe that I saw it first.

cchill01

I would tell him how sad you are that you missed her first step.  Since you both missed it, then you can be disappointed together.  That will validate his feelings, be a bond for you both and you won't be lying. 

only1erin

what i do is this.....if my parents (who watch ds while we're at work) tell me somthing that ds has done i tell dh and then we know to look out for it to happen but it doesn't really "count" until dh and i see it.

BellaAmor215

I don't keep anything from DH. He gets upset because he misses all her firsts, but the first time she does it for him is just as special. He would be so upset if I didn't tell him the first time she took steps, if they weren't to him (which they were) and same for me. If he didn't tell me because he knew I would be upset, I think I would be even more upset.