Need advice on pre teen hair coloring...

hollyberry3333

Please be gentle and open minded...

Ok, so my daughter is almost 12 and in sixth grade. Let me start by saying she is a very good kid, good grades, very compassionate. She volunteers at her school to work with special needs kids on her study hall. She has volunteered at a homeless shelter for the past 3 years at christmas ( her idea) She also is a little edgy, she loves rock. Green Day is her favorite band. She likes to dress punk, for a lack of better description. She has been asking me for over a year to dye her hair black, she has light brown hair naturally. She is not a follower, never has been and she doesnt worry what people think about her... I don't want her to look "goth" but she really wants this. So, do I reward her by letting her express herself with semi-permanat hair color or do I advise her to wait until she's older. I need to pick and choose my battles. Alot of kids her age are doing way worse...

 HELP

hollyberry3333

I think that is great advice, thank you very much!

sweetie0228

I let my DD for similar reasons, highlight her hair and then dye those highlights pink and blue in 6th grade.  And then 7th grade she got peek-a-boo highlights and dyed them an aqua blue green color.

It's hair it grows out and not the hill I'd "dye" on.

Piercings I don't allow.

mama.bear

No advice but, wanted to say I'm glad you posted this. Your daughter sounds similar to my 12 yr old 7th grader. Hair dye hasn't been a subject yet but, it's just a matter of time. 

Great response, Auntie.

howleyshell

Not personal experience but a good friend went thru something similar.

They compromised.

She told her she COULD color her hair but that she couldn't do it until the last day of school.  They went and got it done the night before the last day so she did get to show it off at school for 1 day.

Mom cited "distraction from studies - not necessarily for you but perhaps for some of your peers" as her desire to have her wait for summer time in stead of in the big middle of the school year.

If it's really not about what other people think about her than it shouldn't be a super huge deal that it's not  FOR everyone at school to see instead of waiting to have it done for the summer.  Of course the patience thing is still tough but the battle is over.  She's getting what she wants but with your boundaries put on it.

For my friend the novelty kinda wore off after a sumer of it and the Mom tempted her back into her more natural color (with some fun highlights) for the following fall/start of school.

And... congrats.  It sounds like you're raising a great girl! 

 

hollyberry3333

Thank you all so much! She is a great kid and I do appreicate the advice tremendously, it certainly takes a village!

We decided on a product called Roux, which you rinse in and when you wash your hair it comes completely out! Does zero damage to your hair. We tried it and it turned out a darker brown, not the black that she wanted but it seemed to pacify her for now... it is pretty time consuming so I think the thrill will wear off soon enough and be replaced by the hassle of re-applying every time she wants to add color. On the occasions that she wants to change it up though, it is a great alternative moms!!

Bathlove

My parents let me dye my hair pink when I was 12 or 13 ish. I also stayed out of trouble, and just wanted pink hair. If she's staying out of trouble, has a good attitude with the family, and keeps up her grades, I'd say let her dye it. Kids around that age need a little more room to make some decisions. It's part of growing up, and since this really isn't a bid deal, I'd let her decide what color she wants her hair (so long as it's semi-permanent). That's just my opinion, though.

azsheena

I was going to give the summer idea. I see this a lot as a teacher. I always have at least one boy come in with a mohawk on the last day of school.