How to stay calm when I know its going to be a hard night??

jlw2505

Any tips for me???  My 4 1/2 year old is way over tired as she has yet to catch up on her sleep from last weekend (traveled and had lots of late nights over the holiday) and she has speech class 2x a week and she doesn't get naps on those days.  We have done early bedtimes when possible this week but she really needs this weekend to recharge.

 Her PreK teacher just emailed me to tell me that she been having a hard day, lots of tantrums.  I'm not surprised at all but we have plans to go to the Hanukkah Service and dinner at Temple tonight - the girls both know and are super excited.  I know if she is really out of control we will just leave but I know the girls are really excited to go. 

I have to keep reminding myself to breathe and stay calm but it gets so hard and I know her mood based on what I have been told and tonight will either be really rough or she'll have 1 major blow-out when I get to school and then be fine.  I am so hoping that is the case so we can enjoy tonight. 

To bad I can't drink tonight as a nice glass of wine would really help me stay calm.  And its snowing on top of it - they are calling for 6 inches - I guess clearing the drive tonight will be a good work-out!

omurray

I think I'd consider skipping your event tonight.  If she is normally well behaved at PreK and today was so bad they actually called to tell you about it, then I think she's likely at her limit. 

rebbieW

It sounds like putting the events on top of her busy schedule lately is asking too much of her. Getting enough sleep is as important as getting enough to eat for someone who's still growing. I'd skip the late evenings and get her to bed early.

jlw2505

They didn't call me - I had emailed her teacher with a question about something else and she mentioned it in passing - not that it makes a real difference in the big picture.

docmay25

That can be tough.  What time does you plans tonight go until?  It would be better for her if you could skip it and get her into bed early, but I know that might not be possible and hard if she already is excited about it.

In situations like these, I pick my battles and use my calm, soft mommy voice as much as possible.  It is hard to keep myslef from losing patience when they are like this, but it will keep things more under control.  Then the rest of the weekend I would do relaxing things like watching movies and going to bed early.  Good Luck!

jlw2505

We typically rarely have late nights, it was just Thanksgiving and a family Bat Mitzvah over the long holiday weekend plus travel out of state that caused this.  She is up past her normal 7-7:30 bed time typically only 1-3 times a month and even then she can normally catch up over the weekend - this has just be rough week or so.

 

You are all right and we should just skip tonight - I just hate feeling that I am punishing her for being tired even though I know that is not what I'm doing and her getting enough sleep is what is most important - she won't see it that way and yes, I know - I'm the mom and I make the decisions with my DH.

JOEBunny

See my post on SAHM board about my neighbors super fun sleep deprived 5 year old.  Assuming if you are doing all that, you will not have her in bed at least by her regular bed time, I would have one or both of you skip it. 

Sleep is for more than just mood.  It effects many functions.  I put a pretty high priority on keeping my kids well rested. 

Zenya

No question I'd skip tonight. Pick her up from school all excited about what an awesome cosy night you're going to have with her favorite movie, comfort foods, snuggly jammies.

Keeping an overtired child out at night is just a bad scene on all fronts.

jlw2505

Services start at 6pm and there is dinner following which I think will start at a few mins after 7.  Hopefully she is taking a good nap today (they ahve 2 hours of quiet time) as I know that will go far.  I have snacks ready to bring with me and she will have some down time in the car on the way there which also tends to help her as she can sort of zone out.The rest of the weekend is more calm - gymnastics class late morning tomorrow, birthday dinner for my DH Sat night but that is an early dinner so we'll still be home by her normal bed time and Hanukkah with family Sunday night and that is it.

emilykristene2006

This might not be exactly the same situation, but I wanted to try to help you with something to say so maybe she's not so disappointed.

My DD does not take regular naps anymore. Sometimes she starts getting out of hand and I can tell she is way overtired. Some days I make her take a nap. I just tell her that she has to lay down for a little while and she doesn't have to fall asleep, just relax. She always falls asleep on the days I know she needs the nap. Sometimes it's on a day that she has gymnastics. I will not wake her to leave, though (she'll end up sleeping 2-3 hours on these days!). When she wakes up, we just go on like it's a regular afternoon. Later she'll say, "I thought I had gymnastics today?" I just tell her that her body must have been really tired and she slept right through and her body needed all that sleep.

I would do what Zenya suggested. If she asks, tell her that your plans got changed and you are having this cozy evening instead.

 

 

omurray

jlw2505:

Services start at 6pm and there is dinner following which I think will start at a few mins after 7.  Hopefully she is taking a good nap today (they ahve 2 hours of quiet time) as I know that will go far.  I have snacks ready to bring with me and she will have some down time in the car on the way there which also tends to help her as she can sort of zone out.The rest of the weekend is more calm - gymnastics class late morning tomorrow, birthday dinner for my DH Sat night but that is an early dinner so we'll still be home by her normal bed time and Hanukkah with family Sunday night and that is it.

 I am not trying to be snarky at all, but according to this, you're planning to take her to the event tonight, which you know she is too tired for. She has 2 obligations tomorrow and one on Sunday.  That doesn't sound like a calm, catch up weekend to me at all. 

Zenya

omurray:

 I am not trying to be snarky at all, but according to this, you're planning to take her to the event tonight, which you know she is too tired for. She has 2 obligations tomorrow and one on Sunday.  That doesn't sound like a calm, catch up weekend to me at all. 

yeah I'm not getting this at all. and with 6 inches of snow? Give the poor girl a nice night's rest. A dinner that STARTS at 7pm for an exhausted preschooler just seems mean.

j-w

I'm with the others who say stay home and have an early bedtime.  DD doesn't nap anymore and when I know she's hit the proverbial wall, she gets in bed before 7 and is usually out within minutes.  I also don't like running my kids ragged, especially this time of year, because it makes them more prone to getting sick.  I'd rather sit out some activities and catch up than come down with something that just as soon could've been avoided.

jlw2505

No - no decision has been made.  I had snacks together for tonight last night since I work full time and can't do that type of stuff during the day typically.  Another poster asked me the schedule for tonight, hence the post listing the plans.  I have left my DH a message asking him his thoughts - if we just take our other daughter to the event or we all skip it or if we go but with 2 cars so one of us can leave with my older DD if needed.  And the 6 inches of snow is not a huge deal to me, we live in MN and it snows and you just keep going on with life and plan to give yourself extra drive time.  I rarely cancel plans due to snow, ice yes, snow no unless it is really bad.  I am not being mean or whatever someone said - I always put the interest of my kids 1st and while it sounds like we have a lot planned for the weekend, we really don't.  Gymnastics is 1 hour and dinner will be 2 hours.  Nothing else but napping and being at home is scheduled for tomorrow and being at the ILS for dinner on Sunday is the only plan for that day - to us, that is a calm day as we typically do more and are very active.  My kids always have 2-4 hours of down time on Sat and Sun's at home for quiet time/nap time.  My DD wakes up at 7am and goes to sleep at around 7/7:30 at night.  Even if my DH and I decide to go and I get to school and I can tell she is overtired, plans will change.  If she took a good nap, she might be totally fine for services but not dinner so we would leave.  

 

AnnapolisLari

I am exhausted just reading about your schedule. Stay home and let the poor girl relax and sleep.

emiliemadison

AnnapolisLari:

I am exhausted just reading about your schedule. Stay home and let the poor girl relax and sleep.

Me too. And if she's normally IN bed by 7-7:30, then why even bother taking her to this event tonight at all when you KNOW dinner wont even start until her bedtime? Of course one of you will have to take her home early, how is this even in question? 

Jodi&Joe

While I don't necessarily think it's fair to bring her if she is really that tired, that could change.  She could get a good nap.

It does sound like you have your mind made up...and hey, that's cool.  Your kid, your life.

But if, like your subject line, you are already PLANNING on not remaining calm with her, you ARE being mean and unfair.  It is NOT her decision to go to this event tonight.  And it sounds like it's a pretty important, rare one.  So if that's the case, and you do bring her (which I, FWIW, think is fine) you have NO choice but to remain calm and nice.  Sweet as pie...regardless of how bad she might act. She's TIRED.  Again, if you do bring her, YOU are to blame for any way she acts and YOU must deal with that in a loving, positive manner since it's YOUR choice to go.

 

Andrewsgal

Why ask for opinions if you are going to just ignore them and do what you want anyway?

I truly believe you are setting your child up to fail, and that is just plain mean. You know for a fact that she is overtired, and are expecting her to act okay at a dinner past her bedtime, this does not make any logical sense at all. I feel horrible all over when I am overtired and I know my kids do too, sometimes you can't help it but tonight you can, why subject her to that when you know she is probably miserable to begin with?