Leaning towards a VBAC but Dh is not on board

Shemico

So I have a secheduled C date for Feb 28(39w1d) as at the begining of this pg as I was leaning towards that route. As more time passes and I feel more confident in this pregnancy (see siggy/bio for big crapy story as why I wasn't) I'm leaning more and more towards a VBAC.

I've gone from 100% C, to will try it VBAC if I go early, to maybe I'll see how things are going and cancel or push back the C date.

All along my dr. has given me the choice. DD was a C after 2 failed inductions due to high blood pressure at 38w & full dilation & pushing. She was postirior (sp?) and would not decend.

Now the problem is DH really isn't on board. I think he liked the idea of everything being planned out.

Anyone in the same boat with DH? any other sage advice?

 

Brownie_222

Have you told him that you'd rather not have another c-section?  He's not the one that would have to recover from the surgery, so I think he really should respect your feelings and support your wishes... GL!

ChynaDholl

I say if you trust yourself and your body and your Dr will sign off on it, go for it. You are the one that has to live with the aftermath whether it's good or bad. I just had my VBAC at the end of October and it is the best decision I ever made (it took my VBAC for me to get over 4 years of "disappointment" and emotional torture from my c/s). My c/s was for partly for the same reason as you, for failure to descend which is not guaranteed to happen in subsequent pregnancies.

Is there a reason why your DH doesn't want you to do it besides having everything planned? The recovery is so much easier and it's safer than a repeat section (assuming no complications of pregnancy). GL

Brytany09

I would wait until you were both in a calm, good mood, and then try to talk about it. Just tell him how you are feeling. Why you would prefer a VBAC. Ask him why he thinks a c section is better, and listen. Maybe he is scared of what could happen. (I'm just shooting in the dark here haha).

GL and I hope you get a positive birth experience whatever way you choose!

jen5-03

5 days after DS (VBAC) was born, we were at the park with the kids. I was driving. I was walking around just fine.

5 days after DD (c/s) was born, I was still in the hospital. 2 weeks later I could barely manage a quick trip to Target for essentials.

Honestly, the easier recovery was enough to convince my DH. If I had had another c/s it would have been really hard to deal with my then 2.5yo DD.

It's not that hard to come up with plans for a vaginal birth. The idea of scheduling birth is overrated.

LittleEgypt

Aside from being irritated on your behalf that your DH is pressuring you to have unnecessary surgery...

Have you pointed out that even with your scheduled c-section date, it could still go completely off-plan? Knock on wood, but what about the situation you had last time? You had hypertension and had to be induced at 38 weeks, so how would a 39 week scheduled c-section prevent that? A scheduled c-section or a scheduled induction do not guarantee a smooth, complication-free delivery. If he is worried about you suffering through another experience like last time, which is understandable, an induction probably won't be an option since you are a VBAC candidate.

AuntieEF

jen5/03:

5 days after DS (VBAC) was born, we were at the park with the kids. I was driving. I was walking around just fine.

5 days after DD (c/s) was born, I was still in the hospital. 2 weeks later I could barely manage a quick trip to Target for essentials.

Honestly, the easier recovery was enough to convince my DH. If I had had another c/s it would have been really hard to deal with my then 2.5yo DD.

It's not that hard to come up with plans for a vaginal birth. The idea of scheduling birth is overrated.

You shouldn't be driving so soon afterward. The concern is the loss of blood you're having and passing out.

I'm also glad that someone actually used the "He's not the one having the surgery card". Thank you!!!

OP- Tell him you don't feel comfortable with another C-section. make it clear that you are going to discuss it with the doctor before making the final decision. Ultimately, it's your body and your decision. If he is really against it, then it might cause some issues later down the road.

Shemico

Thanks ladies. I'll definitly talk with him more. I know ultimatly he will follow what I decide but it would make life a lot easier if he were on board.

caprocornia

Lurking

I just had a c/s 7 weeks ago because of FTP.  After 30 hours in labor, I was only dilated to 4 cm and got an infection, so c/s it was.   I'm certainly not going to turn around and try to get pregnant again tomorrow (or anytime in the near future), but DH and I have talked about the c/s and what will happen with number 2.  I think the labor was harder on him (emotionally) in many ways than it was on me.  He didn't like to see me in pain, he felt helpless for most of it, and it was much longer than either of us ever anticipated.  Then to have the whole process end in a c/s and to have to watch the recovery from that was also hard.  He was incredibly supportive the entire time, but it was a lot for him to go through.  At the moment, I think he'd rather see a planned c/s next time because we'll both know what to expect, and there won't be the ups and downs we went through this time.  In the end, he is like your DH and will agree to what I want, but I do understand his feelings. 

ShansBride

my husband wasn't on board with VBAC at first either.  He thought a c/s was safer, easier and just the better choice.

I showed him the facts about how vaginal birth is better for the baby and I reminded him about how much c/s recovery sucked.  He was still of the mindset that ERCS was a safer option.  Finally, one day I got really mad and told him I wasn't having unnessecary surgery unless he laid on the table next to me and let them slice his abdomen open too.  He said that would be supid and I said exactly.  I think that sort of made it sink in for him.

I will say that after experiencing a scheduled c/s and a completley natural VBAC, he said VBAC is the way to go.  I think once he realized how much easier the recovery was on me and how much healthier our baby was it was an easy choice.

I know it is hard when he is not 100% on board, and I honestly thing that my H wasn't there until after DD was here and he saw that we were both safe.  I would also def. recommend a doula.  They are heavensent!

mlf625

I was just lurking over here, as my new OBGYN told me yesterday he was fine with trying a VBAC (after my 2 c/s) when we have another baby a few years from now.  I have also experienced multiple miscarriages, so I can definitely relate to feeling super panicky early on in your pregnancy and gaining confidence as you go along!  

Anyway, my DH and I talked a little bit about it last night and he definitely prefers the c/s route as well.  He likes the planned aspect of it and seemed a little concerned that if I tried and failed to deliver vaginally, the recovery would be really rough and/or I'd struggle emotionally.  He also is pretty stuck on the idea that the VBAC is dangerous (especially after 2 c/s), so we both just need to do some research to figure out if it's truly an option - maybe you and your DH can do some reading and learning together?  I agree with some of the others - discuss it again when you're both calm and try to get to the root of his concerns.  Maybe he could talk to your doctor and have a chance to ask some questions at your next appointment?

Soon2BMrsN

I will confess that my DH probably doesn't even know I'm considering a VBAC.  We're not even TTC #2 yet and I'm pretty sure he won't be supportive.  He'll probably like the "everything planned out" factor of a repeat c/s, too.

Have you told him how YOU feel about a VBAC?