advice on sharing the news

Melanie1119

Hi all-

I'm new here.. EDD of our FIRST BABY: August 5, 2011!!  so excited!!

I was wondering if anyone had any experience sharing their news with someone who has been struggling to have a baby.  My SIL & BIL have had a couple of miscarriages and have been unsuccessful for about a year now of TTC.  My husband and I were TTC for 5 months, and just found out we are expecting!!

If all goes well, my husband and I want to share our news with the family on Christmas, but we are not sure if we should tell BIL & SIL first, privately or should we just tell them with everyone else? We know they will be happy for us, but of course it could be hard.  the other problem is that they have big mouths.. we are worried that they will blab to others if we tell them first.  and we definitely feel entitled to share our joyous news, ya know?

Anyway, if anyone has any experience with a situation like this, please share! 

Melanie

k-mart

I would tell them before your big announcement. They may need some time to digest the news. As you said - it's not that they won't be happy for you - it's just that they may be sad for themselves a little and just need to get through that. I'd talk to them at least the day before if not sooner.

Congrats!

a&b=him&me

k-mart:

I would tell them before your big announcement. They may need some time to digest the news. As you said - it's not that they won't be happy for you - it's just that they may be sad for themselves a little and just need to get through that. I'd talk to them at least the day before if not sooner.

Congrats!

This exactly.

Ladybug71109

k-mart:

I would tell them before your big announcement. They may need some time to digest the news. As you said - it's not that they won't be happy for you - it's just that they may be sad for themselves a little and just need to get through that. I'd talk to them at least the day before if not sooner.

Congrats!

Ditto! They will be excited for you, but it will still be a bit of a blow to them. Just give them the chance to process it before they then have to be all smiley and happy with the whole family. Congrats!!

catahoulatte

I agree with the PPs, I would tell them ahead of time, and remind them that this is your news to share, not their own, so not to spoil it for everyone else that doesn't know.

mcatmay

Hi everyone - i'm new here as well - EDD August 7th!!! After a previous miscarriage, i too, have not been brave enough to add a ticker to my signature - so worried about jinxing something!

 However, i have a follow-up question to the initial one. How do you tell your best friend that you're pregnant when she may be the one struggling? We are like sisters and i know she'll be happy for me but i don't want to give her a moment's sadness.

 Any advice is appreciated! It's so nice to see so many fellow August Mammas!

lovesinthehouse

Coming from someone who has had a loss and struggled for a bit to get pg with LO#1, I definitely think sharing the news with them in private first is a good idea. I think that however you word it, they will understand that you care about them and don't mean to hurt them. How they react after that is out of your hands. You deserve to celebrate, but being sensitive to them is still very kind and will be appreciated.

As for them being blabber mouths, can you tell them the day before and explain why you wanted to tell them first, but that you are planning to announce it to family the next day? Even if they blab it within that day's time, I think you'll be doing the right thing still by telling them first. Everyone will still be really excited for you, but you'll have done your part to put them first and not only think about yourself.

Good luck! I'd like to hear how it goes.

buckyfan30

My husband and I are in almost the exact situation.  His sister and her husband have been trying for nearly 2 years unsuccessfully.  We are going to tell them in private probably some time next week.

Orchard27

mcatmay:

  However, i have a follow-up question to the initial one. How do you tell your best friend that you're pregnant when she may be the one struggling? We are like sisters and i know she'll be happy for me but i don't want to give her a moment's sadness.

Congrats on your great news!  I think it's really sweet that you are so concerned with not wanting to give her a "moment's sadness", but I don't think it's realistic.  My DH and I have been in her shoes and I felt horrible for not being able to be 100% happy for the person (or people in our case).  It was usually more like 75% happy for them and 25% sad for me.  I'm not proud of it, but it's true.  I'm sure she will be happy for you in the best way she's able to be.

You know your friend best, but I can tell you that my last choice would be to hear the news in person.  I would first choose email and then phone.  It may sound weird, but my hormones were going bananas and I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check.  I would have been mortified if I burst into tears when someone shared such happy news.  Other people will have other preferences, but again, you know your friend best.  Just don't feel too bad if she's not up to hearing all the details about your pregnancy just yet.

 Good luck!

 OP, I also agree with the good advice you've been given.  I would definitely give them a head's up the day or two before and warn them that you will be sharing on Christmas.  Good luck to you too! 

mcatmay

Orchard27:

Congrats on your great news!  I think it's really sweet that you are so concerned with not wanting to give her a "moment's sadness", but I don't think it's realistic.  My DH and I have been in her shoes and I felt horrible for not being able to be 100% happy for the person (or people in our case).  It was usually more like 75% happy for them and 25% sad for me.  I'm not proud of it, but it's true.  I'm sure she will be happy for you in the best way she's able to be.

You know your friend best, but I can tell you that my last choice would be to hear the news in person.  I would first choose email and then phone.  It may sound weird, but my hormones were going bananas and I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check.  I would have been mortified if I burst into tears when someone shared such happy news.  Other people will have other preferences, but again, you know your friend best.  Just don't feel too bad if she's not up to hearing all the details about your pregnancy just yet.

 Good luck!

 Thank you, Orchard27, that was really helpful! You're right, of course, i can't prevent sadness and it's completely unreasonable to ask her not to feel a bit sad. I'll think about how to tell her best and i'll let her guide me as to the pregnancy babble! (ie. keep it down unless she brings it up). Thanks again and good luck to you too! 

brockli

mcatmay:

Orchard27:

Congrats on your great news!  I think it's really sweet that you are so concerned with not wanting to give her a "moment's sadness", but I don't think it's realistic.  My DH and I have been in her shoes and I felt horrible for not being able to be 100% happy for the person (or people in our case).  It was usually more like 75% happy for them and 25% sad for me.  I'm not proud of it, but it's true.  I'm sure she will be happy for you in the best way she's able to be.

You know your friend best, but I can tell you that my last choice would be to hear the news in person.  I would first choose email and then phone.  It may sound weird, but my hormones were going bananas and I had a hard time keeping my emotions in check.  I would have been mortified if I burst into tears when someone shared such happy news.  Other people will have other preferences, but again, you know your friend best.  Just don't feel too bad if she's not up to hearing all the details about your pregnancy just yet.

 Good luck!

 Thank you, Orchard27, that was really helpful! You're right, of course, i can't prevent sadness and it's completely unreasonable to ask her not to feel a bit sad. I'll think about how to tell her best and i'll let her guide me as to the pregnancy babble! (ie. keep it down unless she brings it up). Thanks again and good luck to you too! 

Thanks for asking.  And thank you for the response.  I am in the same situation as well.  I am honestly relieved to hear email would be preferred. I was feeling really uncomfortable about telling them in person. I hope they feel the same as you do!