Do you get flashbacks?

tuicatmama

Hey ladies,

Just wondering...do you ever get (negative)  flashbacks (to the birth, NICU/PICU, dx, fill in the blank)?

I always get them right before I go to sleep...It's horrible...I was wondering if I am the only one...

 

iowagirl73

I did for a month or so once we got our diagnosis.  DS2 has had his diagnosis for 4mos now so I don't really get flashbacks or think about everything much anymore (on occasion I still do).  I'm used to this new "normal" now for the most part and what goes along with it, at least in regards to therapies.

here4u

HUGS.  I get them every now and then too.  My PCP said I prob. have some PTSD going on but I just push through it.  I get flashbacks of the day we learned DD's twin sister passed away when I was 5 months pregnant, then I think about my entire bedrest/hospital stay, DD's 10 1/2 week NICU stay and the last 2 Thanksgivings she spent in the hospital due to breathing issues.  This Thanksgiving she got a runny nose and DH & I went into panic mode thinking she was going to have turkey in the hospital again.  BUT, it was just a runny nose and nothing more this time. 

I just try to take it one day at a time, and focus on the future, whatever that may bring!

Falioley

I do. A lot of NICU moms have some degree of PTSD. If I smell Purell hand sanitizer (the specific brand), it triggers me right away. For Dean's third surgery, they let me walk him into the OR and lay him on the table as they put him to sleep. Just being in the OR (where Dean was born) freaked me out. Just working through it one thing at a time. Therapy really helps.

Sobachka

Not flashbacks per se, but recently I had to go to the OB for some issues, and they rushed me for an ultrasound. It was done in the same room where my big US happened and I saw that my baby was a boy. I could not stop crying. I remember my husband and mom being there with me, and all of us were just so overwhelmed with these wonderful feelings and anticipation.

Now I was there alone with a possible cancer scare - in the same room. In the waiting area a really happy young pregnant woman asked me if I too was expecting and was there for my big U/S. No lady, I just hope to keep my uterus....

So sorry, you did not need this TMI. I think some SSRIs may help with flashbacks, as well as talking to a professional/therapist just to get it off your chest.

JaimieLee

You are definitely not alone.  Our drs office is adjacent to the hospital where I gave birth.  Anytime I park in the parking garage it brings me right back to those nights DH and I would drive home in silence, exhausted from the stress of being in the nicu all day.  Still hits me like a punch in the gut.   Two images always flash in my mind - one of her when she was first born and all bloated and one of her on the vent.  ::shudder::

audrey79

I still do, and I'm sorry to say, even 3 years later... I still do.

DS#2 was in NICU for 2 weeks due to in-utero stroke.  He was born on Dec. 3rd.  Everytime around the holidays, especially when I hear certain Christmas songs and when his b-day approaches, I remember labor, delivery, them taking him away "for observation" and then never returning him...  I remember fighting w/DH in the hospital suite when they took him away, he said, "oh don't worry, it's no biggie- they're just observing... let me go back to bed," when I thought he should be all up in arms like me.  I remember staying up all night waiting to get him back and was finally told he's in the NICU because he can't regulate his temperature, breathing, hear rate, blood pressure, and that he looked "floppy."  I remember them saying he may not make it through the night, then he may have cerebal palsy, then he may never walk, talk, eat on his own or say, "I love you." I recall the mean doctor's voice booming at me, "the injury sufferd to the brain was severe- we are not sure the extent of the damage or the prognosis.  All we know is that it does not look promising." I remember crying uncontrollably  day and night for weeks and months after... sometimes so badly to where I was hysterical and couldn't breathe myself.   

To this day, I cannot watch that show on TLC or Discovery Health called "NICU" or even "Special Delivery."  It's too tough to see NICU babies. 

Even though it's been 3 years and my son proved them ALL wrong, I still cry.  I still have flashbacks.  His brain has 100% healed.  He does not have any issues whatsoever they told me he would have.  He walks, talks, eats, says I love you all the time.  I was lucky.  I am thankful, but I will always remember..

GreenEyesinNC

ABSOLUTELY!!! I work in the hospital that Jacob was in the NICU for 10 weeks so I am reminded of it everyday.... even 18 months later. I don't get all choked up and upset anymore though. It's kind of like a distant memory... one that reminds me just how freakin' strong my husband, son & I are. It will get better!

tuicatmama

audrey79:

I still do, and I'm sorry to say, even 3 years later... I still do.

DS#2 was in NICU for 2 weeks due to in-utero stroke.  He was born on Dec. 3rd.  Everytime around the holidays, especially when I hear certain Christmas songs and when his b-day approaches, I remember labor, delivery, them taking him away "for observation" and then never returning him...  I remember fighting w/DH in the hospital suite when they took him away, he said, "oh don't worry, it's no biggie- they're just observing... let me go back to bed," when I thought he should be all up in arms like me.  I remember staying up all night waiting to get him back and was finally told he's in the NICU because he can't regulate his temperature, breathing, hear rate, blood pressure, and that he looked "floppy."  I remember them saying he may not make it through the night, then he may have cerebal palsy, then he may never walk, talk, eat on his own or say, "I love you." I recall the mean doctor's voice booming at me, "the injury sufferd to the brain was severe- we are not sure the extent of the damage or the prognosis.  All we know is that it does not look promising." I remember crying uncontrollably  day and night for weeks and months after... sometimes so badly to where I was hysterical and couldn't breathe myself.   

To this day, I cannot watch that show on TLC or Discovery Health called "NICU" or even "Special Delivery."  It's too tough to see NICU babies. 

Even though it's been 3 years and my son proved them ALL wrong, I still cry.  I still have flashbacks.  His brain has 100% healed.  He does not have any issues whatsoever they told me he would have.  He walks, talks, eats, says I love you all the time.  I was lucky.  I am thankful, but I will always remember..

 

This choked me up...

Our guy had a stroke too... 

audrey79

TuicatMama:

audrey79:

I still do, and I'm sorry to say, even 3 years later... I still do.

DS#2 was in NICU for 2 weeks due to in-utero stroke.  He was born on Dec. 3rd.  Everytime around the holidays, especially when I hear certain Christmas songs and when his b-day approaches, I remember labor, delivery, them taking him away "for observation" and then never returning him...  I remember fighting w/DH in the hospital suite when they took him away, he said, "oh don't worry, it's no biggie- they're just observing... let me go back to bed," when I thought he should be all up in arms like me.  I remember staying up all night waiting to get him back and was finally told he's in the NICU because he can't regulate his temperature, breathing, hear rate, blood pressure, and that he looked "floppy."  I remember them saying he may not make it through the night, then he may have cerebal palsy, then he may never walk, talk, eat on his own or say, "I love you." I recall the mean doctor's voice booming at me, "the injury sufferd to the brain was severe- we are not sure the extent of the damage or the prognosis.  All we know is that it does not look promising." I remember crying uncontrollably  day and night for weeks and months after... sometimes so badly to where I was hysterical and couldn't breathe myself.   

To this day, I cannot watch that show on TLC or Discovery Health called "NICU" or even "Special Delivery."  It's too tough to see NICU babies. 

Even though it's been 3 years and my son proved them ALL wrong, I still cry.  I still have flashbacks.  His brain has 100% healed.  He does not have any issues whatsoever they told me he would have.  He walks, talks, eats, says I love you all the time.  I was lucky.  I am thankful, but I will always remember..

 

This choked me up...

Our guy had a stroke too... 

Sorry, I cried at work while typing it...!

Sorry to hear about your DS too.  I mean, I don't know what I have to do to get over it, it's been 3 years- almost to the day.  I am still angry at the hospital, the doctors, etc.  They blamed me, they made me feel like something I did during PG MUST have caused it, when the pediatric neurosurgeon we saw at another hospital said it probably happened during the traumatic labor & Delivery process.  Who knows.  I know I should be thankful that all he has now is a right eye ptosis (droopy eye lid) caused by the storke, but still, it's hard.  Now that I'm PG w/#3, I'm freaking out a lot about it.  I think about it alot- when I wake up on my back, I fear that I gave this baby a stroke because I deprived it of bloodflow and oxygen... or that time when I laid down on my belly,did I tangle it's cord?  I totally have PTSD.  Granted, it's not a daily thought and I know things are fresh in my memory because it's the 3rd anniversary of it and I'm hormonal.. but I must say...I quit working at the hospital I worked at for 7 years because my son was in the NICU there, walking through the halls daily was too much. I am now going to a new hospital for this PG too. 

Good luck to you, your little guy, and your family!!

Tcarrol12

I think about DD's surgery and hospital stay a lot and break down. I also can not look at the pictured from her being in the hospital without having a melt down. I have only had one bad flash back and I broke down immediately. My mom has diapers sent to us through a diaper service each month and one month she changed to a different brand. I opened the box and the smell hit me and I wanted to cry, puke, pass out, and panic all at once. t was the smell I remembered from her hospital room. I guess its the diapers they gave us to use while we were there. She was double diapered and changed about every 2 hours so we had a lot of time with that brand. I called my mom up immediately and told her to stop the diapers I didn't want anymore.

jsmith19

The smell of the handsoap they use in the hospital/NICU still brings back such a flood of mixed memories I'm tearing up just thinking about it.  My daughter came home for a day, then went back in for phototherapy and ended up getting very sick with lung issues, deteriorating rapidly, and eventually being sent to the NICU for several weeks.  Those first 48 hours especially were more traumatic than I think I ever realized, and now that I'm pregnant with my second every now and then I'll get hit with a memory or something so hard it takes my breath away.  I was back in the hospital for an ultrasound recently and got lost on my way back to the lobby and foud myself unexpectedly standing outside the NICU, and I broke down in tears out of nowhere, I've never felt anything like it.  I actually dont talk about it much with anyone, its something that I think is hard to understand if you havent been through it.  We were so lucky and my daughter recovered and a few lung issues aside is a happy and mostly healthy nearly-3 year old now so I almost feel guilty when I feel this way, but its amazing how powerful memories of a sick baby can be, and honestly the closer I get to delivering number two the more terrified I am of going through something similar.