I think I quit being a SAHM

homebird

I'm just not cut out for this. Our finances suck, I am bored, I feel isolated ... I miss my job. Unfortunately, we've moved to another state since the baby was born, so I can't go back to my old job. *sigh* I get to start job hunting all over again.

Anybody else decide to go back to work? 

DrinknDerive

I did 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier.  Do what makes you happy, and enjoy the job hunt.

ABColeslaw

If I can find child care I plan to go back in April when Asher turns 1.  I'm not cut out for this either. 

Lanny02

I went back a month ago.  I just work in the afternoon, I love it.  Long enough to get me out of the house, but I don't miss Leah while I'm gone!  I feel sane again!

miaomi

I also moved to another state weeks before having Livy and feel very isolated and lonely.  Hugs!!  If you think this is what will make you happy, then you are making the right decision.  In the meantime, are there any playgroups you could join?

weheartsofie

Some days I love it and other days I don't think I can do it anymore. I'm babysitting outside the house 2-3 days a week for a good friend.  It helps to have somewhere that we have to be... but it's def not the same as going to work.  

homebird

Well, we have a lot of family around, and I'm part of a playgroup, so that's not the problem. I just really miss work. Since I quit, I feel like I lost part of my identity.

A part-time job in my field would be ideal, but not a lot of people are hiring right now. It'll be a challenge to find any job at this point. 

mojito14

I go back and forth on this decision. DH works on the weekends (not every weekend though), so it's both of us here during the week. That helps, BUT he is looking into getting a job during the week as well (so that is going to change things dramatically). My mom has two days off a week and my dad is retired, so if I did go back to work (even part-time), we would not need to put the kids in daycare (Preston goes to pre-school anyway).

Oh, Decisions, Decisions........

DrinknDerive

homebird:

Well, we have a lot of family around, and I'm part of a playgroup, so that's not the problem. I just really miss work.  Since I quit, I feel like I lost part of my identity.

A part-time job in my field would be ideal, but not a lot of people are hiring right now. It'll be a challenge to find any job at this point. 

I can definitely relate to this.

huber22

I'm just the opposite. I have a job interview tomorrow and I'm freaking out because I love staying home with DS.

simplejude

I wish I could go back to being a working mom. When DS was about 15 months, I started working part time, and I was so happy.

DD was kind of an oops, and when we found out I was pregnant we decided I would stay at home, as we cant really afford good daycare on my salary. So, now I am SAH with two kids, and I kind of wish it was a possiblity that I could go back to work. I don't know if I could actually leave them. I hear you about the isolation though, that is the toughest part.

Good luck Mama, and I hope you figure out what makes your family the happiest!

Borst-Plotz

The days do get long if I don't get out....we do lots of playdates (which are more for me) and I started working at a gym where DD goes to the childwatch for free. I only work 5hrs a week but it helps to get us out and her acquainted with other kids/people. Can you find a playgroup through meetup, atleast until you find a job? I know how hard it is when we don't get out! I go crazy.

mrs.mastro

I miss work a lot, and I don't love being home all the time.  We just moved here recently, so I don't really know any other SAHMs, and the MOMs club does not mesh with DS's nap schedule.  As much as it depresses me sometimes, I decided to SAH because I wanted to raise my baby, and I cannot imagine having him in daycare all day - especially since we can afford to have me SAH.  I look at it as a sacrifice I'm making for DS and my family that will be worth it to all of us in the long run.

Fuzzy8252

While I miss the interaction with people on a daily basis, I love being a SAHM. Plus, DD has had so many issues with food allergies that I just can't imagine putting her in daycare right now. Even our allergist and dr. said it would be best if I stay with her for now.

Mrs.Syntax

homebird:

Since I quit, I feel like I lost part of my identity. 

This is exactly how I feel.  I was a litigation paralegal before DD was born, which was a very intense but rewarding job.  There is pretty much no chance of me going back, although they said they would love to have me part-time.  I moved an hour away from my old job just after DD was born, and the commute would kill me.  Plus, I wouldn't be able to be as involved in trials if I were just part-time because if I'm not there all the time, I would fall out of the loop.

MCC1010

I want to but the problem is finding daycare for the hours I need. Most people go to therapy in the afternoon or evening. My work hours used to be 4 pm until 10 pm or 11 pm.  DH rarely makes it home before 7 pm. I tried to find a place that would watch Matthew from 3 pm until 8/9 pm which is when DH would be able to pick him up. The prices were insane because the hours we need are not the norm. I miss working.

sdtchica13

I feel your pain, mama! I was a SAHM for Corri's first 5 months and it drove me INSANE! I am used to running in 40 different directions at once with my hair on fire; I had absolutely no clue what to do with all of the extra time (with the exception of millions of feeding to get her to gain weight, Corri was a really chill baby and slept a lot, so I had lots of downtime).

In addition, I enjoyed working pre-Corri and had fully intended to go back after my 12 weeks leave were up, but I got laid off while on leave (yes, it was sh!tty of them, but unfortunately not illegal).

If you loved working, then see what the job market has to offer. I was collecting unemployment due to the layoff, and NJ is fairly strict about you "networking" and "making a minimum of three business contacts per week", so I was basically throwing my resume out all over the northern NJ legal field to satisfy these requirements, and a job popped up within a few weeks of doing so that was perfect for me. Its a full time 9-5, but for a very working mother friendly company.

I am so much happier being back at work, and I feel like I am a better mommy to Corri because of it. I am no longer cranky and feeling useless (I was feeling very depressed and like I wasn't utilizing my talents effectively), and I am so happy to be with Corri when I am not at the office. I like being able to talk to adults all day and I am way more productive now that I know I have less time to get everything done. If you think you will be happier as a working mom, I say go for it, and good luck with your job search!

mlkwmu

We moved to another state for our jobs prior to our twins.  Then the company let me go after getting rid of the program I was involved in. At that point I was 3 mths pregnant. Now I'm not really sure I'd make much with having to put both in day care.  And we can't have family watch them since non of them live in the same state. 

 

NewMommy423

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

carrotcake06

I started to respond to the immediate PP but stopped bc I'm not gonna get into it. Happy mama = happy baby, right? How many times has that been thrown around here? I'll leave it at that.

and OP, I have always said I wanted to work & staying home wasn't for me. I've been looking for a job for the past 4 mo & just got an offer today (yay!). DS will be 9 mo when I start. I've really enjoyed our time home together, even more so bc I knew it was going to end. While job searching, I came across a few freelance websites, where you bid on small contract jobs posted by employers. You could also start a blog focused on your industry. Just some ideas - I know how you feel.

IrishBrideND

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

get off your high horse. Just because work isn't important to you doesn't mean those who enjoy it are bad mothers.

 

And, IMO, kids with HAPPY moms are more likely to be happy kids. So they ARE putting their child's happiness first.

I'm glad your decision is better for your child. Thats it though. Its whats best for YOUR family. Stop pushing that onto others. And, I hope you judge men who work just as much as you judge women.

BamBam510

I would love to work part time, even if it was just 10hrs a week just to get out.  BUT the daycares that I would feel comfortable with are expensive.  I would need to make some decent money to make it worth it.  Even if I broke even I"d be fine with it, but finding a part time job thats not retail is hard, and a retail income won't cut it.  But I agree, I'm losing my sanity, especially now that ds has 3hrs inbetween naps rather than 1.5 hrs.  I just don't know what to do with him all that time, and its getting really cold here in WI so I don't want to be going in and out.  Plus he gets cranky half the time when I set him down in the afternoons so I'm starting to lose it!

Starfish113

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

So a child is better off having an unhappy mother at home?

I disagree. I love that Riley gets to socialize and play with other babies while I'm at work, and then snuggle with me in the evenings. I think there are things she gets from daycare that I just couldn't provide her at home!

DrinknDerive

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

Claire is at home with her daddy right now. I needed a challenge. My mind was turning to mush, and I was losing the technical skills that I busted my ass to learn. I also make twice DH's old salary. So in more than one way, my family is happier and healthier. Don't knock other people's decisions. They're not yours to make.

DaisyFull1

I understand. 

I'm a SAHM, by choice. In fact, I went back to work after maternity leave and was *miserable* until I was able to quit.

Now I'm home and.... not sure it was the right decision.

I'm going to stick it out, for now, because it's only been a few months and because i feel like I can' flip-flop right now. Plus, DH travels for work and it would be really overwhelming to work ft in my field and be a "single Mom" most of the time.

Either way... it's never an easy decision. I *always* default to happy wife = happy life / happy mom = happy baby.

GL!! 

spring_time

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

Wow, I am a SAHM who is thrilled with her decision, but even I am offended by this post.  SAH is not for everyone and the children end up suffering when their caretaker is unhappy with their decision. Even though I chose to SAH, I am not delusional enough to think that I am only doing it "for the children".  I am doing it because it brings me joy and is fulfilling.  I like seeing my child all day and watching his milestones.  I don't think it is at all mundane, but that is just me.  I have other friends who are phenomenal mothers who were going absolutely stir crazy being at home.  It built up resentment in the family, and that is not a healthy environment for a child.  Children thrive just about anywhere they are loved and cared for, and that includes daycare. 

soko987

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

Right. Because your life/values/financial situation/child/husband/etc are EXACTLY THE SAME as everyone else's.

Your opinion is naive and judgmental. Some things are better left unposted.

lil_rhody

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

I think you have confused the words "mother" and "martyr". I know they sound similar, but they are not.

sdtchica13

NewMommy423:

I'm expecting flames for this, but this whole post makes me sad.  Working was part of your identity?  Do what makes you happy (sorry DnD, I'm really quite a fan of yours)? 

What about work to live not live to work?  What about putting your child's happiness before your own?

You women seem to have the option to stay home when most would kill for the opportunity.

I get the whole sanity approach, but I think it's an acclamation as is anything else.

Personally, I think the first year (even two) are so important, I can't imagine wanting to be away from my DD unless I had to.

I worked ridiculous hours in a competitve field for quite some time, while my husband built his business so that we COULD afford for me to stay home.  And while I loved my work, and miss being "in the mix", I'm sticking with my initial goal of staying at home with my child(ren) because it's better for my DD.

Wow, mommy martyr, good for you! Staying home with the kiddies while the rest of us selfish working mommies leave our kids with (GASP) strangers all day! I feel some pearl clutching coming on...

Guess what chick...while you made the ultimate "sacrifice" to stay home with your kids, the rest of us who opted to back into the work world are going to go to work every day, enjoy using our skills that we worked so hard to learn, talk to other adults and not feel bad about it AT ALL.

And, several years down the road when you decide its time to cut the cord and allow (pearl clutch!) strangers to keep an eye on your children, you will be shiiit out of luck with finding a job due to your lack of updated skills and knowledge...but at least you can take comfort in knowing that you stuck to your initial goal of staying at home because it was "better for your children".

SassyPanties

I think this could be one of those things where the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.  I am a working mom, and it is not all puppies and rainbows.  I know that SAHM is not for me, but there are many many days where i run myself ragged trying to be an employee, a mother, and a wife and feel like I am half-assing all of it. If you work, you will miss your child, if you SAHM, you may miss working.

I think the only way you can truly know what is best in your life is to go out and live it.  Maybe try working for a while, and if it doesn't work out, you can always go back home. 

homebird

NewMommy423:

 

New Mommy - thanks for your concern, but I don't need your judgment.

I LOVE being a web designer. It IS part of my identity, and I DO miss doing it. 

I geuss I didn't mention that our finances are horrible right now. After we pay bills with my husband's next paycheck, we will have $40 in our bank account. It's pretty much the same with every paycheck. We thought we could swing it, but we can't. So I really need to go back to work so we can put some money in our savings account.

My Mom and MIL will take turns watching the baby, and even then, I'm looking for a part-time job. No one else will be "raising" my daughter but me. 

It's better for my DD that we have a savings account. What if she gets sick? It's better for us too. Right now, we can't afford for anything bad to happen to the house, car, or us. And that's just not realistic.

It's also better for her if I'm happy. I need to do what I love to be happy. For me that's being a mom AND being a designer. I think I can find a balance between the two.

 

homebird

Can I also ask what you (mommy martyr) plan on doing when your kids are in school all day? Are you going to stay home then too? If so, that's fine. But I don't plan on doing that. And unfortunately, my field is one where you have to stay current. No one is going to hire a graphic designer who hasn't worked in 5 years because my skills would fall waaaay behind. I worked hard to earn a degree (that I'm still paying for) and I'm not going to let that go to waste. I wouldn't want my daughter to do that, so shouldn't I be a good role model for her even now?

I don't think she's going to suffer one bit. She loves her grammy, and she'll understand that I did what was best for our whole family. I don't think she's going to resent me because I took a part-time job when she was 8 months old.

Pesky

DrinknDerive:

I did 3 weeks ago, and I couldn't be happier.  Do what makes you happy, and enjoy the job hunt.

Ditto.  You have to do what is right for you and your family.  Just because you are a mother doesn't mean your identity is subsumed into that category.  If working makes you happy and is important to you, do it.  If knitting makes you happy and is important to you, do it.  Same with anything else.  You make the call and sounds like you have.  Not everyone is happy as a SAHM.

LadyDelilah

I am also choosing to go back to work FT instead of PT one my business cant deal with out me and two there are so many things I want to provide financially for my daughter and its going to take two incomes. I dont feel bad about that and I wont let any martyr put me in a position where I second guess my choice at all... I have a REALLY judgemental SIL who is a SAHM all through her first pregnancy (8yrs ago) up until now four children later who says things to me like

"we dont even OWN a play pen"

"why would you use bottles when you can nurse"

"working that much you wont even KNOW your baby"

" my JOB is 24/7 you only work 30hrs a week"

it used to hurt and I used to get mad, but no one but you is going to make your life live-able... no one but you is your babys mother, your husbands wife and the spear head to your career.... No one is going to come home and fold your laundry or bathe your kids or pay your bills... KWIM?