WWYD regarding this new behavior at preschool pick-up.

bebemama

For the past 3 days when I pick DS up at preschool he runs away from me. He runs down the sidewalk along the front of the building all the way to the ramp to get to the lower level of parking (which is rarely used). This is to the left of the doors and I usually park in the fire lane to the right of the doors.  I am also always carrying my 25lb baby, which makes it difficult to catch up to him. I know I look like I have no control over DS, and I hate it.  When he gets to the bottom of the ramp he walks back up and will hold my hand all the way to the car.  I get down at eye level and tell him that he can't run away from me like that and that it isn't safe. This morning I told him if he ran away from me again at school his trains would all be in time out for the rest of the day and they are. 

He is high energy and I know he is controlling his impulses and behavior at school.  He has a sticker chart there because in the beginning of the year he was having trouble going with the routing and in the past 2 months he has received the maximum stickers and the teacher has been saying he's doing great.  So I know by the time he gets out he almost needs to run a bit.

So this is my question would you continue giving consequences for the running  or (what I'm leaning towards) parking at the bottom level by the ramp and telling him to stay with me or hold my hand until we pass the heavy traffic area and let him run down the sidewalk and down the ramp and wait at his door.  This seems logical because like I said he is using a ton of self control at school and I really think he is craving this independence and activity by the end.

I know this is probably stupid but I don't know if I should just focus on the lesson of you have to stay with me if I say so or meet him half way. 

 

 

sarahslost

How old is he?  Honestly it sounds as though he really is trying so hard and doing really well.  If you can meet him half way and keep him safe, I'd do that, at least until he has some other outlet for his energy.

ETA - as for the lesson, it is a good one, but I'm sure there are other opportunities to teach it.  I wouldn't worry about that. 

dpdw

How old is DS?

soontobemomma

I think you have to be firm about running outside near a parking lot.  How can he differentiate from a barely used lot and a busy lot, like the grocery/costco?  I would make him hold hands, and use the stroller for the baby if you need to.  If he needs to burn off steam, maybe a trip to the playground at school after pickup?  But I do think there needs to be a consistent message about that.

GL 

ljlkm

I'd also throw in that since the sticker chart is working at school, maybe try something similar--if he doesn't run for the whole week, he gets a treat?

bebemama

He's almost 3.5.

femmegem

I would work with him in some way. Maybe parking at the bottom of the ramp, or maybe you can promise to do something very active once you're home. My DS has a sensory processing disorder and craves tons of sensory feedback. One of the ways I give that to him in a safe way is to create obstacle courses in our house. Some things he really loves are climbing up piles of pillows, crashing into the piles of pillows, wheelbarrow walking, climbing over and under chairs, etc. Anything I can think of to give him a really good workout. Maybe your son would benefit from something like this before and after school?

bebemama

It would be contradictory to tell him now that he can do it since I've been making a big issue out of it.  It was just disappointing this afternoon because we discussed it this am.  He understood the consequences and he promised that he would wait by me and then stick with me. Then when I bent down to pick up his bag- he was out! Gah!

bebemama

femmegem:

I would work with him in some way. Maybe parking at the bottom of the ramp, or maybe you can promise to do something very active once you're home. My DS has a sensory processing disorder and craves tons of sensory feedback. One of the ways I give that to him in a safe way is to create obstacle courses in our house. Some things he really loves are climbing up piles of pillows, crashing into the piles of pillows, wheelbarrow walking, climbing over and under chairs, etc. Anything I can think of to give him a really good workout. Maybe your son would benefit from something like this before and after school?

Thanks for the idea!  I always have him jump up and down and run around for a few minutes while I am getting his school stuff together.  So something like that might be more fun! He definitely needs the sensory aspect as well as the physical. 

bebemama

femmegem:

I would work with him in some way. Maybe parking at the bottom of the ramp, or maybe you can promise to do something very active once you're home. My DS has a sensory processing disorder and craves tons of sensory feedback. One of the ways I give that to him in a safe way is to create obstacle courses in our house. Some things he really loves are climbing up piles of pillows, crashing into the piles of pillows, wheelbarrow walking, climbing over and under chairs, etc. Anything I can think of to give him a really good workout. Maybe your son would benefit from something like this before and after school?

Thanks for the idea!  I always have him jump up and down and run around for a few minutes while I am getting his school stuff together.  So something like that might be more fun! He definitely needs the sensory aspect as well as the physical. 

Cbidt's girl

3.5 year olds can't really stick to what he told you this morning. That was a totally different era for him. I would offer an immediate reward for good listening and I'd remind him if it at p/u. Before you leave school remind him, we are going outside- hold my hand. If you hold my hand you'll get xxx at home. I put my little one in stroller so my 4 yo can hold my hand or onto the stroller.

femmegem

Here are a bunch of pictures I took of a couple of our obstacle courses, plus some description. We do have a trampoline now and he loves that, plus my mom got him a scooter board for his birthday and we often incorporate that into the courses. Crawling up the stairs is also really hard work, as is crab crawling.

https://alexjk.wordpress.com/2010/11/19/our-sensory-house/

Could you have him imitate an animal as you go out to the car? Walk like a mouse (tiptoe), etc.? That would distract him. Maybe even have him hop next to you as you walk to the car since that means he's still with you, but is also exerting himself and getting his energy out. Make it a game to see how high he can hop while you're going together or something like that.

If you're going to give him an incentive to stay with you, I agree that you need to remind, remind, remind so it's at the front of his mind. Make up a song or chant about the reward (or just about walking together to the car) and sing/chant it as you go. Anything to keep his mind focused.

dpdw

My DS was doing the same thing & I too was trying to manage his little sister at the same time.  Nothing I said or did would stop him from running off, so I started a rule of always holding hands in the drive-way of his school.  I told him if he didn't hold my hand I would have to carry him. It wasn't easy the first few days (picture me carrying a 15 month old and a 3.5 year old both kicking and screaming wanting to walk) but he eventually got it.  I also reminded him every single day as we were walking out the door of school that he had to hold my hand.  Once I felt I could trust him a little bit I let him hold his sister's hand as I held her other hand. 

Good luck!