My 16/17 week appt.....this sucks — The Bump
VBAC

My 16/17 week appt.....this sucks

So most of you know I am planning a HBAC and that I love my MWs. Well, today I went in and the main MW had this very serious look and told me she needed to talk to me about something. My heart sank. I thought she was going to kick me out of the practice, I don't know what I was expecting, but it was almost that bad.

Basically, she transferred a mom and there was a bad outcome (entirely the lazy a$$ doctor's fault for taking over an hour to get to the hospital, and the nurses who turned a stable baby into a dead baby because they didn't hold off pushing when there was obvious distress with pushing and the mom had no urge). Anyway, she told me that until this whole thing settles down she can't risk taking "high risk" (aka VBAC) moms. She said that although VBAC means nothing to her, and she was a HBAC herself, that since she works under the radar (not legalized in my state) that she was advised against it. She also said this has shaken her a lot and if she didn't need the money she may just move onto something else which is just awful b/c she did NOTHING wrong. She told me the whole story, I'm just trying not to go into it.

 Anyway, she said I had a few options. The newer MW agreed to be our primary and the main MW said she may or may not be able to be at our birth depending on what happens. If she can't, another backup will go with the MW. Option 2 is to switch to the only other local MW who does VBACs, but she is known for her rough personality and I have no interest in that. Option 3 is to switch to a hospital OB or MW group - not something I want to do. Option 4 is to go to TN and go to the Farm or this MW who has a couple birthing rooms in her home.

I want to go with option 1. I am optimistic that this will blow over, but who knows. I feel like I am living a chapter out of Born in the USA. This just plain sucks. There is one other VBAC at the practice right now, and she had an appt right after me. 

This whole thing has stressed me out. I'm not worried about the MW problem, I'm worried about what will happen if I need to transfer. Will people be passive aggressive with me? Will they be rough just because of the situation?

My husband was unphased by the whole thing. I think maybe I just need to cry.

The Knot won't share my Bump Siggy, so here's the low-down: 4/27/07 - Got engaged! 8/31/08 - Got married (to my best friend)! 12/30/08 - Got Pregnant! 9/3/09 - Welcome to the world, Elias Solomon! 8/16/10 - Got Pregnant, again! 5/14/11 - Welcome to the world, Talia Hadassah! 1/14/12 - Ready or not, here comes #3 (EDD 9/27/12)

Re: My 16/17 week appt.....this sucks

  • Oh gosh, that's horrible.  I would cry to, just to get it out.  I think we feel like there are already barriers to getting a VBAC and it's hard when these bumps come along.  I'm sorry! 
    DS born via c/s 11/08 and med-free GD VBAC DD 3/11! Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
  • I'm so sorry, I know how much you liked your MW. It breaks my heart to hear about women going through things like this. I think option 1 sounds good too, and so does a good cry! I hope that you will feel better about the situation soon, and that by the time your baby is ready it is a non issue.
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  • have a good cry. option 1 sounds best.
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  • (hugs)  Definitely deserving of a good cry.  After that you have a bit of time to figure out what you want to do - good luck!
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  • If you could deliver at the Farm, that would be really cool! I don't know where it is in regards to you, but that would be my top choice.

     Sorry!

     It's confusing as to why they didn't rush her in for a rcs.

  • Oh no, this must be so stressful for you.  It sounds like you still have some options to have your HBAC, so that is good news.  Let yourself have a good cry and then figure out which option will be best for you.  It sounds like option 1 could still work out nicely for you.  Try not to stress about the possibility of transferring and being treated badly. There are so many what-ifs about having a baby, even if you plan a RCS in a hospital, and it doesn't do any good to stress yourself out playing the what-if game.

    That's terrible about that mom who lost her baby.  How heartbreaking.

     

     

     

     

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

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  • You girls have no idea how much your replies mean to me. It was such a stressful evening last night. I felt so alone. I called one of my friends, but she had a vag birth the first time so everyone treats her like a BTDT. She tried to understand but she can't. It just makes me MORE angry at the stupid people who talked me into my CS because I can heal from the scar, but that stupid red flag follows me around. It's like b/c I couldn't do it the first time then all hell must obviously break lose when I *think* I can do it this time. Every time I think I have come to terms with things it smacks me in the face again. Only other VBAC moms would understand that. Thanks ladies. Really, thanks.
    The Knot won't share my Bump Siggy, so here's the low-down: 4/27/07 - Got engaged! 8/31/08 - Got married (to my best friend)! 12/30/08 - Got Pregnant! 9/3/09 - Welcome to the world, Elias Solomon! 8/16/10 - Got Pregnant, again! 5/14/11 - Welcome to the world, Talia Hadassah! 1/14/12 - Ready or not, here comes #3 (EDD 9/27/12)
  • imageJoelsGirl07:
    It just makes me MORE angry at the stupid people who talked me into my CS because I can heal from the scar, but that stupid red flag follows me around.

    I know exactly how you feel. The phrase I use for it is "damaged goods" - as in, that's how so many providers treat us. I knew my options were limited, but I panicked when I realized how bad it is.

    It doesn't help that family members (who are not supportive of home birth) keep telling me that "they do normal births after c-sections all the time" and "oh they even have tubs, it would be so great in the hospital". Even my SIL, who is a medical resident in another state, doesn't understand how limited the options are HERE and NOW. Even if VBAC were the only thing making me choose an out-of-hospital birth, which it isn't, I would have to drive into the city (bypassing the three hospitals closer to me) to see someone with a 40% or less VBAC rate, and no I could not use the g-d birth tub. I would be required to have continuous monitoring, and most of them do not offer wireless. 

    Isn't it just so much context to bring up when you have people questioning you? I'm sure you've done as much local research as I have, and it is so frustrating to say over and over again "no, I really have checked it out".

  • imageJoelsGirl07:
    You girls have no idea how much your replies mean to me. It was such a stressful evening last night. I felt so alone. I called one of my friends, but she had a vag birth the first time so everyone treats her like a BTDT. She tried to understand but she can't. It just makes me MORE angry at the stupid people who talked me into my CS because I can heal from the scar, but that stupid red flag follows me around. It's like b/c I couldn't do it the first time then all hell must obviously break lose when I *think* I can do it this time. Every time I think I have come to terms with things it smacks me in the face again. Only other VBAC moms would understand that. Thanks ladies. Really, thanks.

     

    You should check out ICAN of Atlanta https://www.icanofatlanta.com/board/index.php

    31, married mom of 3 Step mom to 1

    baby>
  • I'm on there occasionally....I'm the one who posted a couple months ago asking if Dr. Tate does shadow care and almost got my head chewed off! If I end up transferring out of HB for some reason I will end up back in his office. I love him....but hospitals scare me. Even Christine S. (who has him on speed dial) couldn't convince me.

    The Knot won't share my Bump Siggy, so here's the low-down: 4/27/07 - Got engaged! 8/31/08 - Got married (to my best friend)! 12/30/08 - Got Pregnant! 9/3/09 - Welcome to the world, Elias Solomon! 8/16/10 - Got Pregnant, again! 5/14/11 - Welcome to the world, Talia Hadassah! 1/14/12 - Ready or not, here comes #3 (EDD 9/27/12)
  • imageJoelsGirl07:
    It just makes me MORE angry at the stupid people who talked me into my CS because I can heal from the scar, but that stupid red flag follows me around. It's like b/c I couldn't do it the first time then all hell must obviously break lose when I *think* I can do it this time. Every time I think I have come to terms with things it smacks me in the face again. Only other VBAC moms would understand that. Thanks ladies. Really, thanks.

    I understand all too well, unfortunately.

    But I'm still feeling optimistic for you.  You can still have a VBAC.  Smile 

    image

    Big sister {September 2008} Sweet boy {April 2011} Fuzzy Bundle {ETA July 2014}

    Pregnancy Ticker
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