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Preemies
Realizing my preemie is a preemie...so bummed
Hi all. My son was born 10 weeks early and turned 4 months on the 25...I thought he was doing ok developmentally until today. We were at my husbands parents house and there was a 4.5mon old little girl there...She was not only holding her head up perfectly, laughing a ton, putting her hands and toys in her mouth (mom said she was starting to teeth) eating 6 ounces of milk and finishing jars of baby food. She was a healthy (and very tall) 14lbs.
Cam is just now starting to hold his head up (still not consistently), smiling but not all the time, is only eating 4oz (this is becoming worrysome because he has NO interest eating anymore than that) and eats maybe an 1/8 of a jar of baby food (which he does eat) when offered (once a day). He also hasn't rolled over yet which is worrying me also. I''m not sure what to do about that because he SCREAMS after two minutes of tummy time (even with toys and music and distractions, etc). I am so bummed that he is behind (even though I know his adjusted age is only 2 months and we should expect it).
Sorry to dump all this out like this but I can't help but feel disappointed, ya know?
Does anyone have any suggestions for the feeding or tummy time issues??
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Re: Realizing my preemie is a preemie...so bummed
I know it's really hard not to compair, expecially at that age, but you have to try to stop. All babies do things in their own time, preemies, expecially. It's an unjustice for both of you to make too many compairsons. My DS didn't do much of anything until he was 9 months old, he couldn't even sit supported. But by the time he was 10 months old he took off with all his milestones.
As far as tummy time- I found that rolling a blanket and placing the baby's arms on that helped a ton. It elevates them just enough to get a better view so they tolerate tummy time a litte more. You can do a boppy too, but make sure you are always supervising so she doesn't slide down on it.
As for eating- your baby is still really young. I know that a lot of Doctors have 4 month olds start solids, but if she is struggling getting in all her milk, I would stop the solids and just do BM/formula. Solids at this stage are for pratice, not nutrition. Try again in a month or so. I didn't start my son on soilds until he was 6 months old adjusted (8 months actual) and he does fantastic eating since he was at a point where he was ready.
GL!
My baby boy was born close to 31 weeks. He just rolled over around 11/12. OMG--it is like he has learned a new trick, unfornately he cannot roll back from stomach to back--so we cannot put him in his crib for now, and he is sleeping on his wedge which holds him on his back. As a parent, it was exciting for him to roll over, but it introduced another worry of having to constantly watch him-and if he rolls over on his stomach, and he is struggling, we have to pick him up and put him back on his back--before he just stayed on his back.
He is now 6months, adjusted age 4 months. We tried baby food a week ago. It was a fail. So we are going to back off and give it another try in a couple of weeks. I am just taking one thing at a time and talking to my pediatrician and other professionals about any concerns that we have.
It's hard not to compare them to other kids. My daughter was born at 35wks 6days and I never really noticed that she was behind, until my brother had a baby. They are almost a year apart in age, but seeing how and when my niece hits milestones makes me realize that my daughter really did do things slower.
She is now 19 months old and you wouldn't know she was a preemie. She is a smart kid and is right on track developmentally. I remember the day at the Dr that they no longer were adjusting her age for her prematurity and it was a great day!
Hang in there. Keep playing with him. He will catch up, it can be frustrating, but he will be good! As for tummy time, my daughter hated EVERY second of tummy time until she learned to roll over. Most kids I know don't really enjoy it. Keep doing it even though he hates it!
I don't really have any suggestions for you but I wanted to say that I'm in your boat too. My son was born 10 weeks early and is a little over 4 months old now. I often get disappointed and discouraged when I see/hear other babies doing much more than my son. It's also hard to talk with people and hear them say "Oh...he's not cooing/smiling/rolling over, etc. yet"!!??!! It makes me so angry. As many bumpies say, all babies develop in their own time. I often read Leo the Late Bloomer and it reminds me to put things into perspective. Hang in there!
My girls were ten weeks early as well.
Keep in mind: your baby isn't really 4 months, but 2.5 months old. You CAN'T compare to a 4 month old! Essentially, you're expecting a 2.5 baby to act like a baby 1.5 months older.
Honestly, I wouldn't even be giving solids right now. I didn't give my girls solid food until they were 9 months actual, 6.5 months adjusted. 4 months is early for actual age, and you're basically trying to give a 2.5 month old baby solid food. The GI just isn't ready for it yet. Hold off.
I know its hard, but don't compare. Do you have early intervention services? I found that was the best way for me to stay realistic as to how my girls were doing.
Good luck.
Like the other posters said, think of it this way:
Your baby's adjusted age is 2 months. Would you expect a fullterm 2 month old to behave like a 4 month old? A preemie's development doesn't miraculously accelerate to match his "real" age .. he's going to go on developing according to his adjusted age, or even a little slower because of prematurity.
My Ped said that preemies always get a "discount" in terms of development, weight gain, eating, etc because they've basically had a disadvantaged start.
It is a bit of a bummer when you compare them to fullterm babies, but keep in mind the adjusted age. Your baby sounds like he's doing fine for a 2 month old. Rolling over can happen anytime from 1-4 months old. My DD hated tummy time until she rolled over from back to front.. Now she spends all her time on her tummy. 10-15 mins of tummy time a day is sufficient. If he screams, just comfort him and try again later.
My girls were 8 weeks early. My DD Kate is taking a step back right now... she went from eating almost 4oz every 3 hours... to struggling to take 2 oz at a feed...and she is 4 mos. old. (2 mos. adjusted) She also hates tummy time and screams her head off. She always does a face plant... (due to not having head control yet).
I encourage her each day...and honestly, I have to count out loud (when someone asks me their "age". I just put it out of my mind...ya know? Not in a negative way...but I do this so I'm not always thinking about if they are 'on track' monthwise, because I know as preemies they will be a little delayed. And I don't want to see ppl's faces look like this ------>
if I say their actual age. When I do that... they kind of freak and looked shocked at how petite my girls are. I get so sick of comments like..."Oh my gosh...their baby bottles are sooooo tiny".... and things like that.
Hang in there. And be proud of each milestone that your LO achieves in his own time.
My son was not a preemie as he was born at 37 weeks but he spent 3 weeks in the NICU, paralyzed and asleep. While I thought he was a month behind all the other babies by what the pedi said, I learned over the years (he's 9 now) that he does things when his mind is ready. He's been behind on so many things that other babies or boys had done long before him.
He just learned to read before the end of school last year. It's been so difficult for me to see other kids in his class floating by with ease and my son struggles at the simple tasks. Now that he can read....he reads every signs, every poster, every worksheet that comes home. It's like a new world has opened up to him.
I had spent years comparing him to other children. I had listened to all the teachers and counselors about what my son should be doing based on what other kids were doing. Now? I shut them down and remind them...Connor spent weeks paralyzed in the NICU and has somewhat of a stunted beginning. He'll do it when he's ready.
I agree with the other pp's. Do not do you or your son the disservice of comparing him to others. Those other babies haven't a clue what it's like to spend time fighting in the NICU. In that category, your son has them beat...hands down. Give your son a chance to amaze you. He will surprise you in ways you never thought possible. Good luck to you and your little man.
Brady Phoenix, 8.29.09
Claire Zoe, 10.26.10
I agree with PP about not comparing to other kids. It is so hard but every child is different, regardless of whether or not they are preemie.
I also agree with not giving LO solid foods yet. Our Pedi told us that was one thing we should wait until she was closer to 4 months adj. to start. He told us to wait until she could hold her head up and turn it on her own before starting solids because it could do more harm to their stomach than good. DD is nearly 7 months actual, 5 adj. and she still only drinks 4-6 oz at feedings. It is just what her body can comfortably handle.
I think it is important to realize two things:
1. Yes, you have a preemie. And yes, it is important to keep that in mind when you see full-term babies and are comparing your own. To not do so would be unfair to your child or yourself.
2. EVERY BABY IS DIFFERENT. Even two full term babies might be months ahead or behind each other in different areas.
FWIW, my DD (35 weeker) didn't start ANY solids until 6-7 months. And this was purposeful on my part. Formula and bm are higher in calories than solid foods. So by giving your baby solids, you are filling them up on something (veggies, fruit) that is lower in calories than if you were simply feeding them formula or nursing them. I went really really easy on solids ("dessert" style - only for fun, not for nutrition) until DD was 9ish months old and TRULY interested and reaching for food. Then once she was on board, it was pretty easy. Now she is a "normal" 17 month old and loves her solids. We actually were totally 100% off bottles by 13 months which is faster than most of my friends with full-term babies.
My DD was also late with some gross motor (crawled late, walked late) but is much more advanced verbally than most of my friends with kids the same age. I worried a lot that she wasn't walking (my BFF's DS and my DD are 2 weeks apart... he was walking at 9 months, my DD just started walking in early October at 15 months).
Don't sweat it, mama! Things will even out. At 4 months old it is waaaaaaaay too soon to stress.
I definitely agree it can be hard not to compare. I got much better at not doing it when I realized I was acting like the mom who's dissapointed in their kid because they didn't make the varsity basket ball team, and that dissapointment prevents them from seeing what an awesome kid they have. Focusing too much on what Evan wasn't doing just made me not appreciate what he was doing and fill that time with unneccessary stress.
Try to look at things this way. What is next on your LO's developmental list. Not that he's ahead or behind, but where he is.....what's next. You can help him excell, but just helping him do what's next.
I definitely agree with not doing solids right now. I pushed my son too much with foods, and all it lead to was backlash and refusals of foods. You want to keep eating enjoyable, and go with his cues, not some mark on a calendar.
One thing that seems to make others understand more why I adjust Evan's age is 1) he was a 7lb 4 month old because that's when he was due. I guarantee he was acting like a newborn as he should. 2) He's 33 months actual right now and 29 adjusted.....he's getting his 2 yr molars currently. His body does not know or care that he was born 4 months early, and nothing will change that. Same for your son. He was 2 1/2 months early, nothing will ever change that his gestational development is on a different timeline than his actual age.
The other thing I wanted to say, is things they do now have little to do with how he'll be in a year or two. Evan didn't crawl till 16months -12 adjusted, didn't walk till 20 -16 adjusted, but his fine motor, cognition, speech, and gross motor.....all of it are on track to advanced for his actual age currently. He's been potty trained since just after 2yrs old adjusted, and has been dry 24/7 four out of the 7 days this week, and almost always is for the entire day. I can not say the same for many of his peers who used to be ahead of him in everything.
It is hard, I'm hoping that some of what I've shared will help some. I know I wish someone would have told me when I was where you are with Evan.
Hugs,
Becky
My son was born at 32 wks exactly and we did not introduce "baby food or baby cereal" until he was 6 months we introduced baby cereal and 8 months baby jars. You must understand that it takes these little resiliant babies about 2 years on average to catch up to their actual age. At this point since your little guy is still sooo little you have to go based on adjusted age, which is when he was expected to be born, like your due date. You cannot compare your little guy, he will catch up. There is no need to try and push him to catch up. He will all on his own. I know it is hard at times, but just enjoy your little guy and take in every moment because trust me they grow up wayyyyyy too fast.
My daughter was born 12 weeks prematurely. She's in the NICU now. I know the feeling. I'm elated that she's healthy and doing so well; when I show people pictures of her they can't believe how alert she is. But sometimes I get really sad. When I go visit my baby in the NICU I have to pass the nursery for the full term babies. I see all the excited and proud parents and families there. I feel sad that I didn't get to experience that. The reason why she was born so early is because I got sick. I was bleeding internally and didn't know it. She had to come out. I was put under so the doctors could find where the hemmorhaging was coming from.I regret that I didn't get to see her when she came out. I regret not hearing that first cry. I regret that she was not able to room with me like other newborns are with their mothers. Her umbilical cord fell off a few days ago. I missed that milestone too. I'm glad that she is so healthy, it's just hard that she's away fom me. It could be late January before she's home.
I do a lot of comparing too. I think it's subconscious. When I see a full term baby, I think "Wow, that baby is HUGE!!!" When in reality my baby is just really tiny. This is my first baby, and I never thought I would experience this. But she is alive and thriving, that's all that matters to me now.
its hard, hard not to be bummed and hard not to compare but if you do compare only compare the adjusted age not actual. Your baby is 2.5 months old. Period.
We had a lot of success with tummy time using a boppy under him and propping him up and also playing airplane. My husband or I would hold him above us so he can use his neck muscles but not just leave him on his tummy. I think the baby bjorn or other infant carriers also help because if you wear the baby they work harder to keep their heads up and if you face them out they can see whats going on.
we didn't start any solids till 6 months adjusted and it took 6 weeks for our soon to even get into rice cereal. our ped wouldn't let us start sooner. food has always been a slow process i think in part because he was 6 weeks early but also because he is more interested in anything than food.
i will say that at 9 months the ped told us there was nothing he was not doing that a normal 9 month old would be doing and it stayed like that for a while. the had been delayed in sitting, rolling, etc also. then he walked a little later than his friends 16 months. he is 21 months now and running everywhere but also is the most verbal of any of his friends. he is speaking in full sentences and it seems to have happened over night. Everyone tells me how advanced he is and I have to laugh to myself after all the stress.
good luck, it gets better!