Feeling guilty - I'm just NOT ready...

Buggygirl84

I've spent this entire pregnancy TRYING to be excited about it and actively working on wanting to meet baby. Flame away: I am not ready, nor do I feel a need or desire to meet him. This is my first child, I never really babysat babies, and I am scared sh*tless about what this little dude means to my life, my relationship, etc.

I derive great pleasure from seeing the pictures of other momma's babies and am thrilled when an IRL friend announces her pregnancy. I just can't translate that excitement into my own situation. I am so worried that it's going to take a long time to bond with baby - and he deserves better than that. With just 2 weeks (3 if we go over) to go... any advice? Is anyone else in the same boat? 

JulietL129

Honestly, as cliche as it sounds- the first time you see him, it's instant. I was scared to death when I realized 'holy crap, I'm about to have a baby' when I got to the hospital the morning my water broke... But when they laid him on my stomach for the first time it was gone. I felt like I knew him forever. Just remember, everyone is different and every Mom is different. Don't think you have to mold yourself into this doting Mrs. Brady or you're doomed to be a bad Mom. I think some women get really intimidated because we tend to see so many stereotypes about what a "perfect mom" is and we figure there's no way we can live up to it. Don't put stress on yourself right now to be a certain way or think you need to feel certain things if you just aren't to that point yet. I promise, it's completely different once you can see your lo face to face instead of only relating to them via an ultrasound picture.

babyonthebrain2010

I can sorta relate.  it's a weird feeling especially with my H gone I find myself just kinda thinking over and over again "I can't wait until next time I'm pregnant when H will be here and it will be more real"  yeeahh, pretty terrible.  just from watching my friends and family and hearing everybody say over and over again.. I don't think we have to worry too much.  some things will come naturally and some things won't, but just hold faith that in the end it'll all work out.  sorry, I'm not much help.

jkaplan84

Don't feel guilty...it's going to be a huge life change once our babies arrive.  For me, I have loved being pregnant and getting all the pregnancy compliments.  I feel like once the baby is born I will look like crap (fat, tired, bad skin again, etc) and while I will love my baby, it will be so overwhelming to take care of her in the beginning.  I think the thought of all of the changes is scary, but once our babies are here we will feel completely different.  Just try to enjoy your time now and not worry about what it will be like once your baby is here. 

soon2Bwed08

I feel guilty too...I'm not ready.  I'm just fine being pregnant despite the aches, pains, and swelling.  I just feel like it went too fast.  I'm really scared too.  I do want to meet her, just not really right now.  Though ready or not she will be here on Friday.  I just hope that it's fear and not a lack of maternal instinct.

Mrs.Honeybear

i feel the exact same way. i could have written what you posted myself. especially the part about what this means to your relationship. i was just having the conversation a couple of nights ago with my H about how i am terrified of losing "us" because if we do, i just can't imagine this baby being worth that sacrifice. i felt so guilty for feeling that way, but i am just really, really scared of what this baby is going to do to our marriage. i really don't have any advice....i wish i knew what to say to both of us to make us feel better....to make us feel ready and know that everything is going to be ok.i think i am just in denial.

LovesMM

I can totally relate. BPF was a huge surprise and It took FOREVER to get to the point of accepting that we were going to have a baby. I had the points where I had no desire to meet her and everytime she moved I cringed because I knew that she was really in there and would have to come out eventually.

I'm not ashamed of how I felt, it was true and honest feelings but I will tell you that they will change. I had my moment when my niece was born 8 weeks ago and now I'm ready to meet her. I'm still scared of Labor and Delivery and I'm nervous that I will be responsible (along with Mr.MM) for taking care of this little life. 

You will have your moment. It might not be until after your LO gets here. Hell it might not be the moment they place him on you. It might take a week or more before it all sinks in. Don't feel ashamed or guilty about your feelings. They are normal, you are normal. 

--halo--

Sorry for no paragraphs, I'm iphoning. I keep switching back and forth between being terrified and being excited. When I wake up in the middle of the night to pee i freak out if I have a contraction and think, "OMG I'm not ready yet, do I really want this to happen?" And then I feel terrible for thinking that. But then in the evenings when I'm just lazing about on the couch I think, "Ok, I'm ready for you to be out and to snuggle you and hold you right here." I really hope that when I have him that I fall in love right away. I know people say that of course you will, but that is not always true. My cousin had her daughter last December and told me it took weeks before she felt like it was her own baby and that she really loved her. Of course it did eventually happen though.

lulu3061

I definitely don't think you need to feel guilty about your feelings, I mean you can't really control a 'feeling' can you?  I know I sure as hell can't.  

I don't relate but I can empathize.  I think that it speaks volumes about your relationship that you are concerned about losing that part of your life.  To me that just means that you have a very happy, loving place to welcome your little guy into!  You won't lose 'you' if you don't let it happen and your little boy will just be an added element of love not something that divides you.

kat81

I sort of feel the same way. This baby was fully planned. I was on the TTGP board and charting and everything. DH and I have talked about when to start having kids for years now and decided the time was right. We also just moved to where my parents live (anyway for our careers) so it seemed perfect. It still does. But even so, I don't feel ready! Not only that, but we haven't done all of the prep we've needed to do, which I blame in part on having to move part way through the pregnancy and on my mom being sick this fall. 

I just wish we had, like, 3 more months. But I'd probably say that again in 3 months...I dunno. I'm hoping that DH and I learn how to be parents right away through instinct or whatever and that we can bond right away. I also hope that we don't let our careers get killed. I'm trying to have faith it will be fine but I'm totally scared!

GavsMomAlready+Newbie

It's fine! I felt so bad about feeling like that with my DS. People kept asking if I was excited and I felt like a bad person for having to fake it. Just like Juliette said, It's instant when you meet your baby. You hold him/her and this chemical & spiritual bond happens, you will be amazed.

The best thing has been, that as my son gets older and develops into a "real" person, my love for him gets stronger. I really doubted I would have this connection with him when I was pregnant, I was scared. Sure enough, it all works out.

Buggygirl84

I want to thank you all for the encouraging words/experiences. It's moments like this that I'm ever so thankful I found this board and you ladies. I've tried talking to my husband about it - but of course, he's clueless about what I'm feeling. He is trying to be supportive, but it's just not the same. 

I really do appreciate you all taking the time to help me see the bigger picture and "coach" me through this time. I hope in my birth story I get to write, "And I loved him the moment I laid eyes on him."  

This all feels very puppies and rainbows - but I kind of needed it. 

utlawgirl

Just wanted to say I can relate, too.  I go between being ready to meet this kid just because I'm ready to be done being pg, and being scared sh*tless that I will have no idea what to do with her.  I mean, there are times when I'm ready... but most of the time, I'm not.  And this is a baby we really wanted and actively tried for!  I'm banking on it being an instant connection the first time I meet her, like everyone keeps telling me it will be.