Single Parents

Pregnant and single

I don't know if it's appropriate to post here but I need some advice and I guess just a place to vent. I am 6 months pregnant next week and my boyfriend left me.He lives in California and I moved back home to Illinois. He said he didn't want anything to do with me but he will be there for his daughter once she is born in March. I'm soo devastated and hurt that I have no idea what to do?? All he wants to do is party. He doesn't want to man up to his responsibilities and be a father/man. He said he needs someone who will let him do what he wants. He started becoming verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive towards me while pregnant with his baby. He said that I turned him into this monster and he has never done that towards a woman before. I don't believe it.  I'm afraid that once the baby is born and he gets visitation she will be in California with him and I don't want that. I don't even trust him with me let alone my baby. If he got angry and treated me like that, who's to say that he won't treat the baby like that when she cries?? I just can't seem to get over this whole thing. I feel like everything is my fault and wonder what I did to deserve to get treated like this?? Please help...
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Re: Pregnant and single

  • Have you documented any of the abuse?  I would really consider speaking with an attorney and see what guidelines he can give you on your situation.   I am sorry you are in this situation.  I am in a similar situation myself and will be speaking with an attorney soon after my little one is born. 
  • Laws are different everywhere, but I completely agree with PPs that you speak to an attorney.  They can guide you in getting preparing for what you will need to ensure the best possible custody/CS situation for your LO, which will hopefully end up being CS for you and limited if any supervised visits with your child's father.  Abuse is not acceptable for you or your child, make sure you get the best legal information you can before the baby comes.

    I do not have an abusive situation with my child's father, but I am also pregnant and alone.  I felt much better after speaking with an attorney so I have some idea of what to expect after the baby gets here and can get the ball rolling in regards to my rights/CS.  

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  • Definitely document any abuse that has gone on.

    I'm so sorry you're in this situation. There are a lot of really supportive women on this board, who can give you great advice.

    One thing that I will tell you that is both good and bad news, is that for a lot of men, children that are out of sight are out of mind. There is a very real possibility that this guy won't even attempt to be part of your child's life. Try to do your best to enjoy the pregnancy. Talk to a lawyer to make sure you understand your rights, but also understand that you have no control over his actions, nor do you know how this baby is really going to affect either one of your lives. I was single and pregnant, and I know that nothing really prepares you for being a single mom (being a mom at all, really). Just make sure you understand what your rights as well as his, so that you can try to figure out how to handle each scenario.

    Best of luck to you, and congratulations on your LO.

  • Thank you all for your support and advice. I wish this was easier on me. I don't want to say that I am one of those girls who say "but I love him" but he has only became this person since I've became pregnant. When we found out we were pregnant our relationship was great and he was super excited! But now it's a whole different story. He hates me but wants to be a part of his daughters life. Which I don't understand because he told me before that he should of offered me $25k to have an abortion and he didn't even know if he wanted kids. But now he wants to be there for her. I know he is terrified but I also believe that it's not an excuse and I really think things will be different once he sees her (at least I hope). We used to have tons of fun together. The biggest thing is that he lives in California and I just recently moved back home to Illinois. I would like to be able to get child support from him but I don't want him having any visitation. Is that mean of me?
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  • Dont let his mind games get to you. Ive let her fathers mind games get to me and its caused me to not sleep at night I have a hard time eating and drinking which isnt healthy for me or LO. You need to do whats best for you and your child. Im choosing to move away from hawaii where i grew up to where my parents live now (new england), due to his irresponsible behavior. I am also in the process of filing for full physical and legal custody. In accordance to hawaii state law that would allow me to travel wherever and whenever i want with LO. If he wants to do anything with her he has to ask my permission first, if not its legally considered kidnapping and child endangerment. With full custody I also can make the visitation schedule as I feel fit.
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  • You didn't do anything to deserve being emotionally, physically, or verbally abused. Like the others said, I would contact an attorney. Also, I wouldn't even put him on the birth certificate. If he really wants a relationship with his daughter, he'll call you, ask how the baby is doing, etc. Document EVERYTHING. If he makes no effort to have a relationship, that's his loss. You can't force it on him and honestly, if he's abusive and heavily into partying, do you want him around your baby?

    Good luck!

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