ugh.

dana1318a

I got my HCG results back yesterday, they're down to 28.  I know this sounds super crazy and in my head I never even really believed it, but part of my heart was hoping that I had been pregnant with twins, and that one was still in there.  I never had an ultrasound after the m/c, so I was holding on to that hope.  But now I know 1000% for sure that it's over.  Well actually no-it's not over.  It's dragging on ridiculously long.  I have to go to Thanksgiving tomorrow and see my BIL, who is a really crappy father to his daughter (honestly he can't be bothered to spend time with her, and only sees her so that he won't have to pay his ex more in child support).  It p!ssed me off before the m/c, but now, i feel like I can already feel my blood pressure going up just thinking about it.  I wish that my loss was enough to shake him into realizing that he should be grateful that he was blessed with a daughter, even if she was unplanned.  She's a beautiful, smart, awesome 5 year old girl who could not be sweeter, and he treats her like an inconvenience.  Oh and after that I have to go back to the doctor for an HCG follow up, then a week or two later I am expecting the results from the tissue tests, and then freaking christmas.  I am so overwhelmed.  I feel just..heavy today. 

ms.fisher

I'm sharing the heavy day with you.  My SIL is pregnant and while I am very excited for her (she's due 3 months before I would have been due) it hurts very much to see her cute little belly and hear everyone talking about the new baby.  And...the husband and I were having dinner the other night at a restaurant and this young (very pregnant) waitress was telling the table next to us that she and the babies father were on and off again and they just don't really get along.  Then she went and took a smoke break.  I wanted to shake her. This will always be one of those things I don't understand. 

 Pity Party for two.   It will get better, it has to.

nekillo

Holiday's suck for sure.  DH and I decided to go to a casino an hour away for prime rib dinner and flake out on all family this holiday.  Ours has been the opposite of supportive and helpful.  My immediate family (dad and paternal grandmother) have been the only real help, except that my dad gets teary eyed whenever he sees me.   My gram is great, she understands the loss, and coping and she just can tell what I need and hugs me and says everything will work out.  Too bad she works on thanksgiving, otherwise I would definitely spend it with her!