Can you imagine choosing not to have kids?

ayram

SIL just got married, and is 29.  She's looking to have her tubes tied - they just don't want kids. 

I'm not judging at all, I just don't understand - I love my kids so much, and can't imagine life without them.  Busy, crazy, frustrating at times...yes.  But they add such joy to our lives.

I guess this is better than having babies because everyone does it, even if they didn't want to.  If they know that this is for them, then it's a good choice.  But it seems to be very young to be making such a permanent decision.

 

(again, not judging, just processing new information).

 

SweetPeanis

Personally I can't imagine that since I have wanted kids since I was a kid!  But I have a friend who just didn't want to have kids.  And while it's not a choice I would ever make, for them it seems to be something that would work.  She has never struck me as being very maternal and while she's great with other people's kids, she just doesn't want her own. Oh and this friend is 28.  Her husband is 31.

DevonPow

Sure. My sister doesn't want kids. I have several friends who don't want kids. I uderstand it and it works for them, I don't see how this is any different than other big life choices that people choose to do or not do.

Stacyc625

DH says the same thing all the time (which i just find so endearing) he says that he could never imagine his life without Gisele and Chase.

Of course some people just aren't ma/paternal. they are a boat load of work but bring so much happiness!

axr8111

I know what you mean...for me, for us, I can't imagine it either. Do I get why people choose not to have kids, of course but I just can't picture it for me. Actually we struggled a bit to get pregnant and so I had to at least think about it and even then I made the decision that we would have kids even if adoption was in our future. I 

wifeandmama

Could I imagine MY life without kids?  No way!  I've always wanted them and they are such a blessing... but we have a few friends that are childless by choice and we love them dearly... and they love our kids a bunch, which is awesome!

taylormillgirl

Yes, I sure can.

Back when I only had one child, I couldn't fathom why anyone would choose not to have kids. But after we had our third, I was so far outside my comfort zone that I started wondering what a child-free life would have been like.

Part of my issue is that I became a mother very young, then "started over" eleven years later and had two more children when I met DH, so I missed out on the freedom we're supposed to enjoy in our twenties. I won't have that freedom until our two-year-old leaves the house in 16 years, and I'll be in my mid-fifties by then.

I don't have regrets, personally, but I'm now at a point in my life where I look at childless couples and think, "Good for them. Hope they're enjoying themselves."

channelmomma

My husbands Brother and his g/f (will get married) have decided to have a children free live.. i personally dont nget it either!! i know my BIL would be a GREAT father but she dont want children so he is ok with it!! She has a dog that is her WORLD!!! she even has b-days for the dog!! i just couldnt imagine life without my children and looking into the future alone without them just woulld be so sad!

ali-1411

Yes.  Some days I wonder why anyone wants kids.

ayram

ali-1411:

Yes.  Some days I wonder why anyone wants kids.

LOL!

cepcep

Yes I can imagine it.  I was not one of those people that always wanted kids and I didn't decide I wanted kids until I was older.  I can imagine what our life would be like because its the life we led for a few years.  We traveled, had plenty of money and did whenever we wanted.    

I am certainly glad we had them and grateful we were able to.  I know so many people with fertility issues. 

I have a lot of respect for people who know they don't want to have kids. Its an enormous commitment and one a lot of people go into very lightly. I think it takes some guts to admit you don't want them, there is a lot of pressure from family and society to have kids.  I remember my BIL and SIL got married and literally as they walked down the aisle after the ceremony I heard her Aunt say "I wonder when they'll get pregnant!".  Lay off lady, they have been married 15 seconds!

 

 

Temp785382312506150

I can absolutely understand why some couples choose not to have children. Kids are expensive, hard work, and can make you frustrated as hell some days. Having children isn't for everyone.

With that said, I personally can't imagine my life without them. I've always known that I wanted to be a mother. We're not sure yet whether or not we'll be done after this one, but we feel so blessed to be able to have the 2 we do.

almostjennifer

I do.  I didn't want to have kids until we had a pregnancy scare after getting married.  Once I actually thought I was pregnant, I knew I had to be a mom.

I really don't see anything odd about the choice, honestly.  It's a different track for life -- devoting yourself to other priorities and having the time to do it.  I think it would make for a lonely old age, though.

MamatoJackson

I understand why people choose it but I do feel a bit sorry for them.  I'm sure they feel sorry for me.

 

My brother got a vasectomy because he and his wife were sure they didn't want any kids - She's 28 and he's 33. 

curlychic

I never wanted kids and even thought about getting my tubestied so that I wouldn't have to worry about getting pregnant. Then at age 27, I met my husband. My family means everything to me. When I saw how much his family meant to him as well, I knew that I wanted to start a family of our own. After trying for 2 1/2 years we finally got pregnant and let me tell you, not being able to get pregnant was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through. Now that our little guy is here, I thank God every day that we were so blessed to be able to have this little miracle in our lives.

Try to tell her to wait. You never know how a couple of years can change your mind.

HarrietNJMommy

Yes, I can absolutely imagine choosing not to have kids. Not everyone needs to have kids, or for that matter, SHOULD have kids. 

Kids require much sacrifice and DO change your lifestyle - I don't care who you are, how much money you have, or how many helpers you have - they change things. Not everyone is prepared for big changes.

I would say that 29 is young to have your tubes tied though. At that age, I would consider a less permanent form of birth control. 

JenWhite123

cepcep:

Yes I can imagine it.  I was not one of those people that always wanted kids and I didn't decide I wanted kids until I was older.  I can imagine what our life would be like because its the life we led for a few years.  We traveled, had plenty of money and did whenever we wanted.    

 

 

This.  We just decided to TTC in April when I was 36. (We have been married 8 yrs)

Emcat1980@yahoo.com

For me, no, but I can understand it. Time, freedom and money!

hellopoppyseed

I can imagine it. More travel, more skiing, more late nights out, me being a size 2 again, more clothes, more dinners out. But when I think of it, it almost seems boring and like i personally would be living selfishly. I have so many plans and ideas for things to do with my children. I can't wait to do preschool with them and have theme weeks like ocean week and pioneer week. I can't wait to take them places and teach them so many things. I love watching them grow. They are fascinating. This is much more fulfilling in my opinion.

JOEBunny

My neighbor had a vasectomy at 28 years old.  He is expecting twins in January through IVF.  I think he regrets his decision after 3 rounds of IVF, the associated cost, and the increased risk to his wife and baby of the twin pregnancy, but I am just guessing.

babypuplove

I get why some people make the decision to not have kids, but I do think a lot of them are missing out on a wonderful experience.  I think there is probably a small percentage of people that really shouldn't have kids, and it is great that they realize that it just isn't for them.  Then I think there is another percent who make that decision, and would have made wonderful parents, but they never took the plunge so they'll never know...

For me, I always knew I wanted kids, so that was that.  However, prior to having them, I never fully understood the rush of emotions or the pure, unconditional love that a child could bring to our lives, and I'm so grateful that DH and I chose to experience it.  I guess those who choose not to have kids will never know what they are missing out on, but IMO, they are missing out.   

Dr.Loretta

Sure I can. I don't think 29 is too young to make that decision

rebus82

Absolutely. I never wanted a kid until I was in my 20s, and had DH not wanted one (we went back and forth for a long time on whether we wanted to have a child) I would have been okay with it. The desire to be a mother was never something that defined me. 

Honestly, I think it's better to have her tubes tied than accidentally get pregnant and have to decide what to do. If down the road they are terribly overcome with the need to be parents, there are plenty of children out there who need good homes. 

Temp174496125006552

I could never imagine my life without my children, but I do see why some people opt not to have kids. 

My youngest sister is 29 and says that she doesn't ever want to have children.  She is the most amazing aunt to both of my kids.  She's very loving, involved, fun, hands-on, etc.  It makes me sad that she is choosing not to have children, mostly because I think she would make an awesome mom in a few years.  The other reason is upsets me is because I would love to add another niece/nephew to the family and return all the love that she's shown my kids (which is selfish on my part, I admit).  That said, I totally honor and respect her choice 100%.

longingtoholdher2010

I can no imagine ever not having my daughter. I also think it's such a young age to make that decision. If you don't mind me asking why not just a birth control like Mirena that lasts for up to 5 years? Tube tying is so permanent what if you change your mind in 3 years?

sugarisamazing

I guess, yes. I used to be one of those people who NEVER wanted kids of my own. I would have even taken step-children over having my own. However, now that I have DD, I wouldn't change it and now I just want more.

Que*Syrah

Having kids was something I wanted, but I can totally see why some people never have them. You never lose the freedom that you have as a child-free couple. Some people don't feel like they need kids to complete their lives.

Just like some people never have a desire to get married. They can still have a totally fulfilling life. Different strokes for different folks.

blissfully_caffeinated

I love my son and can't imagine not having him in my life either. But that's just me. Some people don't want kids and I totally get that. Kids are a lot of responsibility and they change your life / lifestyle. Of course I was in the "I don't want kids" boat before I got my very surprising bfp.

LI444

I knew I wanted to be a mom even when I was a little girl, so personally I would never make the decision not to have kids.  This doesn't mean I would judge someone or be surprised at someone else not wanting them though.