What do you say when people ask if you're trying?

kimikins79

I am newish, we've been trying since September.  I did not want to tell anyone we were trying because if I say we are and then over the next 6 months, year, etc. we have no luck, I'll get the "Oh, sorry no luck yet" questions - which I DO NOT WANT. 

 So I had some friends over this weekend and in mixxed friend company one friend said, so you guys trying yet?  My standard response is ummm we're just seeing how things go and getting settled into our house, etc.

 Anyone with similar experiences, recommended responses?

 Sorry if this is posted before, because it may be a common issue, but since I'm new thought I'd ask.

Nathan&Christina

I don't blame you on wanting to act with caution when responding to that question......I just tell people we are practicing not trying.....lol 

Brittni023

jefa621:

I just tell people we're not.  It's really none of their business unless you want it to be.  My BF knows that I really want a baby and that I really am trying, but thats the only peson who knows.  I use the "if it happens, it happens" line, which is how DH feels about it anyway. 

Us too. I really don't want people asking me (especially DH's mom) every. single. month. if I'm pregnant yet. 

MillerTime13

We just got a new house so I use the, "Well now that we're in the new house we'll see" line too.

Sometimes I say, "At some point, hopefully." (True, but vague.)

A couple people have gotten it out of me because I couldn't think of anything on the spot.

busybeegirl1976

Ask them when their last bowel movement was. If they get to ask personal questions, you can fire one right back.

tosh24

I just say "no". Then I don't have to worry about what my answer sounded like and if anyone is going to ready anything into it.

The way I see it, it's none of their business which gives me the right to tell a little white lie

And I'll never ever understand what posesses people to ask the question in the first place. At what other time is it ever appropriate to ask people about the nature of their sex lives? *shrug*  

tandb2010

jefa621:

I just tell people we're not.  It's really none of their business unless you want it to be.  My BF knows that I really want a baby and that I really am trying, but thats the only peson who knows.  I use the "if it happens, it happens" line, which is how DH feels about it anyway. 

I use this.  Or We're not not trying.

eesome

When people say "Are you guys going to be trying for another?"

I always say "One day!"

It's a vague reply, but still the truth, 

NDGOIRISH

Funny you should ask - I just had a really frustrating conversation with my older sister. Shes not married, but dating an older guy who already has 2 kids. She asked if we were thinking about kids soon and I said, yes actually we started trying this month. I figured with her being my only sister she would be happy for me and I could trust her with this private info. She got this weird look on her face and sai, "Do you really think DH is mature enough?" I was absolutely flabbergasted because my DH is incredibly mature, professional and AMAZING. I took it as a huge slap in the face. I'm about 100% sure that came out of jealousy. She often knocks others down when she's feeling insecure or jealous.

I responded by saying he is amazingly mature and will be a wonderful father--I'm thinking of emailing her and lettering her know how disappointed I am in her response to my HAPPY news. Thoughts?

Anyway, my new response to the "Are you trying" question will be "maybe soon."

baloneydisc

We told people for years that we had decided not to have kids for health reasons.  No one asks anymore.  The only people who know we're trying are my family & a couple of friends/co-workers.

mego36

I say that we gave up on not trying. ?I feel like it makes it seem like I'm not testing, temping, and paying extra close attention to everything, but that when we do get a BFP people won't think it was a shock.

The only ones who know my monthly disappointment are DH and my mom.?

Azrayla

In my case I get the 'when you trying for that boy/other one' like were baby making machines or something. I tell them not for a while..however I told aother coworker wed probably think aout It soon since DH already told his friend were trying

EvenAngelsFall

busybeegirl1976:

Ask them when their last bowel movement was. If they get to ask personal questions, you can fire one right back.

 Classic... love it! Gotta try this one next time!

LadyBugLove7

Luckily I haven't been asked this in a long time! I'd probably say something like, one day...

ccam

I am asked this all the time... I usually just give the "when it happens, it happens" response.  Most people stop prying after that response.

lilmrsT86

eh hem. Yes I agree with the why is it their business anyway to ask. I just tell ppl that "no no right now".  DH and I are very private ppl. He!! IF and WHEN I ever did get a bfp it woulf probably have to be written in stone before I told anybody

May524

My friends and family know we are TTC. The first 6 months we were somewhat secretive but that didn't last long because I am a pretty open person.

However, I haven't told anyone at work. 

kimikins79

Thanks Ladies.  I am going to develop a standard line that is vague as you have all suggested.

Funny, the people in my life I tell everything to, I won't tell about this.  Not my sister, not my mom, etc.  

My friends who are already moms have been great, and one friend had some difficulty and a miscarriage and I talk to her all the time about it. 

I went out with a good friend (a bridesmaid in my wedding) a few weeks ago and wasnt drinking because I just didn't want to, for no other reason.  She was like, OMG you're pregnant.  When I said no I wasnt she made some snippy comment about how it would be too soon anyway and I've only been married for 7-8 months or so!  That pissed me off and I am not confiding in her about this, although I might otherwise have told her about it!

 

gkb0910

I tell people we're thinking about it/kids.  Totally true and not too specific!

Gregermis

Depends, I either say no, I want to finish school first or we're not not trying and point out there is a lot going on in life right now.

mdiblasi10

My few closest friends and family know we are trying. If anyone else asks, I usually say "someday." Honest, but vague.

lacey0482

For the most part, I say "yes".

Ber09

We say we're not - too much pressure associated with it.

Country Girl in the City

I get this question all of the time.  If it is someone that I really don't know very well, I just say well isn't that an inappropriate question.  If it is a closer friend then we have more of a conversation about why they should not ask me that question.

amor_eterno

I just people that we're seeing what happens and I act like I'm not that interested. We're coming close to the year mark and I'm pretty hurt that it hasn't happened, but reacting like it doesn't bother me is easier than explaining that I don't O and why. Sometimes I wish people would mind their business more often, but I remember I was the same way before TTC.

LauraElizabeth85

My standard response has always been "We will probably have a baby when DH and I start getting tired of each other." This is usually the response - . Needless to say, most people have stopped asking.

jdsprincess116

No one has out right asked me if we're trying. I get the occasional person who say "When are you going to have kids?!" but most recently, now that both my BIL's had babies over the summer, it's "You're next!" or "Get on it, you guys are up next!"

I just smile and laugh and either say "Not yet! The family needs a break!" or "Soon enough!" or "We have our hands full with all our animals and DSS!" I think have my 8 year old DSS has actually helped in that sense- people are LESS apt to ask because they figure we already have one, even though he's not with us full time, he's still a huge focus for us.

I really don't care what people think when I get my BFP and finally announce that we're expecting- if they want to think I've been lying to them, so be it. If they want to think we weren't trying but not avoiding, so be it. If they want to think we're having an "oops" baby, so be it. It's not their business and I really don't care what they think!

purplehydrangea

I say "We are still practicing".  It's good for at least a smile out of the person asking .

becky4906

Brittni023:

jefa621:

I just tell people we're not.  It's really none of their business unless you want it to be.  My BF knows that I really want a baby and that I really am trying, but thats the only peson who knows.  I use the "if it happens, it happens" line, which is how DH feels about it anyway. 

Us too. I really don't want people asking me (especially DH's mom) every. single. month. if I'm pregnant yet. 

 OMG - this  - I'm 19 DPO and my MIL has txted me or my DH every day for the last 5 days wanting to know if I've started yet! or gotten BFP - very annoying - really wish we had gone the secret route-  but we were so excited to be trying we blabbed!

Pannone

HAHA - we say the same thing! 

I think that if you want to share with people, that's fine and then you can set the boundaries for inquiries from them...if you don't - its certainly nobody's business outside of your marriage. Good Luck! 

tblauvelt

busybeegirl1976:

Ask them when their last bowel movement was. If they get to ask personal questions, you can fire one right back.

And what color it was, too. Because, you know, sometimes it means something.

jillybean1012

We always have to deal with these questions with my nosy annoying MIL. I always say "it's defiantly in our future" with a smile on my face and then immediately change the subject. Although if she asks me again I've already told my DH that I'm going to go freak out and tell her to STOP asking us.

Fianschneid

After three and a half years of marriage and no LOs, most people have stopped asking and assumed we don't plan to have children.

Back when they were still asking, my answer was, "You'll know we were trying when I tell you I'm pregnant."

bjbrock

ugh, people TELL us all the time that "it's time for Amelia to have a sibling" or "you need to start working on the next one." Um....excuse me, who are you to tell me when I should have more children? I actually tell people we don't want anymore, and BOY that really gets them riled up LOL! People think it's just terrible to have only one child.

Ya Never Know

People don't generally ask me if I'm trying... it's usually "So, when are you going to have kids?", in which case I just respond with "I don't know." and I leave it at that, or I just ignore the question altogether and strategically change the subject.

alison2379

"In the next year or two!"

herbnhollie

I tell people when they ask that it'll happen what it happens!! We'll see!

loathingb4sunset

H and I have been very clear with our family that there are things we wanted to do before we had kids (buy a place - which we did over the summer - and finish traveling - which we'll wrap up in March). SIL just had her first baby a couple weeks ago, which should keep MIL satisfied long enough for us to conceive without being under the microscope (she's the most chatty about it). My family is more easy going; my parents, Dad in particular, have only recently started questioning our plans. Hopefully our TTC journey will be quick so we don't have to field the constant "how is it going" question.

It's easier with friends and co workers. We just pull the "you know, not too far in the future" card. Which seems to satisfy their curiosity.

BFF knows our plan, and I'm sure I'll hear it from her along the way. I don't mind putting her in her place with a "none of your business" response though

purplepolish

alison2379:

"In the next year or two!"

 

This! 

Eboom

busybeegirl1976:

Ask them when their last bowel movement was. If they get to ask personal questions, you can fire one right back.

OMG this is fricken hilarious! Ill have to use this one for sure!

CheCheBunny

When people, yes even strangers, ask me how old my son is, the very next question is: So when you are trying for another? I was shocked the first time I heard this! I have learned to just answer, "Not right now". It's a lie, but it is easier than explaining the truth.