how many is too many

claytonswife2011

so last week we were talking about the Dugger's the family who has 19 kids.. and it occured to me how many kids is too many...everyone keeps saying the duggers have too many kids but when did they reach that point? for me I think 6 is too many i myself am stopping at 3 natural and we are adopting 1 so 4...then there are the gosslings who had 8!!! so what do you think? How many is too many?

ohiostategal

too many for me or for other families?  I don't think you can just have a set number that is too many kids for any single family.  I think it depends on that families circumstances.  While Jon and Kate seem to clearly not handle 8 kids well, there is a family in hometown that had 8 children and they are wonderful.  Everyone I knew went to school with one of the ______ kids and they are a very fun, close family.  So for them it worked.

Then again I don't really fault the Duggars for having that many.  Not for me but they all seem to be really happy and well adjusted kids.  Sure the older ones have responsibilities for the younger ones that I don't want for my children, but many families have kids that take on adult duties that has nothing to do with the size of the family.  

As for me, as of now I think I would love 3-4 but who knows if 1) I would be able to have that many and 2) if I will still feel that way after the first couple.

SecondTimeinMSU

I would agree that it depends upon the family how many children they can emotionally and monitarily support. I don't think there is a one size fits all answer. I guess I would only say it is too many if you aren't able to enjoy your children.

Scout05

Well, when your older children are now raising the new ones, and a doctor has told you it is no longer safe to continue getting pregnant and that you would be risking not only your life but the life of any baby you might carry in the future, I think it's time to call donesies.

I really cannot stand the Duggars.

cassiejo84

ambrandau2:

Well, when your older children are now raising the new ones, and a doctor has told you it is no longer safe to continue getting pregnant and that you would be risking not only your life but the life of any baby you might carry in the future, I think it's time to call donesies.

I really cannot stand the Duggars.

 

 

These are babies #3 & #4 for us.  97% sure we're done.  

EDWHIP

I can't imagine having more than one, but that's me.  I don't fault others for having multiples!

MamabirdtoBe

Everyone's opinion is so different. For some people, ONE is too many

I personally consider more than 2 a lot of kids. 

lylahlove

Like others have said, I can't speak for anyone else. I want a big family - to me, that's more than 3 kids. Having lost a brother, I couldn't imagine going through that without my siblings. My husband (who's an only child and hates it) and I plan on having as many kids as God will give us if we're fit to be parents and do an OK job with this first one. We agree that 5 will be our cut off.

claytonswife2011

lylahlove:

Like others have said, I can't speak for anyone else. I want a big family - to me, that's more than 3 kids. Having lost a brother, I couldn't imagine going through that without my siblings. My husband (who's an only child and hates it) and I plan on having as many kids as God will give us if we're fit to be parents and do an OK job with this first one. We agree that 5 will be our cut off.

My husband was an only child as well (that is until he turned 17 and was adopted but he hasnt seen his brothers in over 7 years they all took off when they turned 18) he always wanted a big family we both want to be foster parents and to adopt at least one child...currently we have 2 boys and another one on the way thats enough for now then in a few years after we sell this house we are going to get a bigger house and become foster parents

jayme88

This is # 3 for me, but #2 for DH. I would, personally like at least one more after this baby, but I am not apposed to having 5 total. I have always wanted a big family. DH and my obstacles are money for college and a bigger house (we are renting and looking to buy next year). DH will be 38 in Feb and I am 33, so we realize that time may not be on our side for much longer. For me I think I would say more than 6 would be too many, but every person is different.

CatfishAnn

I say, have as many kids as you want, as long as you can raise them well and responsibly.  Based on what I've seen of the Duggers' house, they've got the room and money for that many!  They all seem responsible, well-mannered, and well-rounded.  My mom had six kids, and while we were by no means rich, I like to think she raised us well (though I may be a bit biased).    Her parents had 14 kids, and a lot of the time, the older ones had to help with the younger ones.  But it taught them responsibility, time management, etc., so I think it worked out for everyone in the long run.  I'd like a bunch of kids, but I'm not sure how many we'll be able to afford.  We'll have to play it by ear, I guess!

MeggieChris

ambrandau2:

Well, when your older children are now raising the new ones, and a doctor has told you it is no longer safe to continue getting pregnant and that you would be risking not only your life but the life of any baby you might carry in the future, I think it's time to call donesies.

I agree with the part about it no longer being safe. I actually don't mind the Duggars but I hope they seriously consider health issues before they decide to have another one. Like PP, I can only speak for myself. I think 4 will be my cutoff point but I've always wanted a big family.

shaindelr

I once was at a small meeting/get-together for the Neighborhood Schools Program in Chicago, and Bill Ayers said one of my favorite things I've ever heard, "If everyone who wanted or had children adopted one, there would be no unwanted children."

I've struggled ethically with if it's right for me to even have one biological child if it means I can't take in another child who is already here who doesn't have parents/a home, etc. I don't know if I would have ever wanted a biological child of my own if I weren't with Jared, but it's something that seems important to him.

I think people should consider adopting in addition to having their own children, if they want a big family, but that's just me.

MrsRoy07

MeggieChris:

ambrandau2:

Well, when your older children are now raising the new ones, and a doctor has told you it is no longer safe to continue getting pregnant and that you would be risking not only your life but the life of any baby you might carry in the future, I think it's time to call donesies.

I agree with the part about it no longer being safe. I actually don't mind the Duggars but I hope they seriously consider health issues before they decide to have another one. Like PP, I can only speak for myself. I think 4 will be my cutoff point but I've always wanted a big family.

Not being nitpicky to you at all, but does anyone really think the Duggars "decide" or "plan" to have another kid? Their whole thing is "whatever God wills for us" which is why they don't use b/c... so I think it just kind of happens, whether it's safe or not. I like them as ppl generally speaking, but I think they're absolutely nuts for just winging it- and especially now that there are health risks involved. They need to stop.

As for us personally- DH says after 2 we'll talk about having one more- his max is 3. For me, I'd have up to 4, but I definitely want at least 3.

biblionerd

For DH and I, 3 would be too many.

Joannah Marie

We want either between 2 and 4.  I think big families are wonderful- if they're clothed, fed and clean.  The Duggars are all of these things, but she's been told to stop like 3 kids ago because she's had so many c-sections.  If they want more children, they should definately consider adoption, for her sake at the children's.  Heaven forbid 19 kids lose their mother to a hemorrhage from a ruptured uterus or a amniotic fluid embolus.

kaube

I agree that it depends on the family. Jon & Kate couldnt handle it, The Duggars do very well.

It has a lot to do with how you are able to support your family, both emotionally and financially. I think if the family can handle the kids, and the kids are happy and well adjusted, and the family relies only on themselves to provide for them then power to them. 

I just have a problem with people who continue to have kids when they cant handle the ones they have or arent able to provide for them.