Having a J.R

pms1

I'm pregnant w/ my third child. We have two beautiful daughters.My husband and his family are hoping that this baby will be a boy. With the the other babies we agreed to name the baby after our grandfathers ( the name would be Eugene James, we would call him Gene.)We agreed to do this b/c he wanted a J.R, and I can't stand the idea of having a J.R. Since this will probably be our last baby, he talked to his family about the decision of having a J.R and how important it is to him, and their response was that I was being unreasonable. So he has decided to put his foot down and if this is a boy it will be Brian Richard Smith J.R. He did say that I could decide what to call him, but the thought of having a J.R makes me want to throw- up. It's not that I don't like my husbands name, I just feel like the baby should have their own name, and their own identity. We had to compromise w/ our girls names, so I don't understand why we can't with this baby if it is a boy. 

Does anyone have any advice? 

veganxangel

He's the one being unreasonable; you both made the child, you both name the child. You have veto power, remember that. Why does he feel like he needs a namesake? I agree that every child should have their own name. You both need to sit and have a civilized discussion about this before he blows it out of proportion (which it kind of seems like he already did, considering he went and talked to his family about it to get them on his side to pressure you)

Emiliana7

Sounds like a DH problem mostly... why would he discuss this with his family??! THat was uncalled for. All he was doign was getting a group of people to side with him and back him up. This should have only been discussed between the 2 of you (well, and us here on baby names, of course!)

I hope you have a girl- that's my advice.

forensicmama

He is definitely being unreasonable. Perhaps you could talk him into having Brian as his middle name and he can nickname him Junior. Maybe something like James Eugene Richard? James Brian? Either way, good luck to you. Maybe if you break down into hysterical tears, that could help. hehe

rider5344

you mean Jr. as in Junior not J.R as in initials J.R right?!

braveangel2

My dislike of Juniors aside, this is bonkers...you're the two who decide on the name, not his family. No one person gets all the naming power, unless they're the only parent. So unless you're dead (and since you posted here, I'm guessing you're not), his foot has no say what-the-hell-so-ever.

And here's my biggest complaint about Juniors. I say my husband's name with love, and it means a lot to me. I say my daughter's name to say I love her, but to also correct, guide, warn and reprimand. I couldn?t fathom disciplining a kid with the name I say so lovingly.

My minor gripe about Juniors is that it's limiting. It basically puts someone else's name story on a kid who might otherwise have a great name story of their own. And if they're family thinks is such a hot idea, then you guy should have been a Junior. They missed they're chance.

So compromise is the name of the game. I can see using part of his name somewhere in your (possible) son's name. Brian is probably my favorite of the two...Richard/D!ck doesn't work for me. (unless of course you want to tell your guy that he is being his middle name).

Here is one way to incorporate Richard though....

https://www.behindthename.com/name/hudson

braveangel2

https://community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/45667460.aspx

There's some good advice posted on the above thread.

waterfly

Something else to consider--I've heard of a number of instances where people had trouble with financial stuff(particularly credit issues) due to sharing a name with a relative.  A friend of mine, who goes by her middle name, was named (first and middle) after her mother.  Last year she spent MONTHS trying to straighten things out with various financial institutions and such, trying to explain that she wasn't the person they'd done business with.  One of DH's college friends is a "third" and apparently one of the few "advantages" of this is that he can sign when using his dad's credit card with no questions asked.  Having worked in a public library for several years, I can tell you that things like drivers' licenses don't always include the Sr, Jr, II, III, IV, etc, which can lead to further confusion for even simple things like getting a library card.

Aside from the identity and financial issues this can pose, I strongly disagree with naming a child completely after another person, especially a close relative.  It makes me think that rather than wanting the child to be their own person, the parent insisting on "carrying on the name" is looking for a miniature duplicate of him(or her)self, or hoping to somehow undo any "mistakes"(real or imagined) they may have made in their own life by having a small person with the exact same name live out the parent's dreams for him/her(I add "her" in here because in addition to my friend, I've actually met a little girl who was named after her mother, and actually had the "Jr" suffix added on).  Kids should be allowed to form their own identities and live their own lives...we put enough expectations into naming them already, without them constantly being overshadowed by a parent or other relative.

pms1

I'm praying it is a girl

Disneygeek77

My husband also wanted a Jr but I put my foot down as soon as we were TTC and talking about boys names.  I want my son to have his own identity.  If we do have a boy we talked about the boy's middle name being my husband's first name or vice versa but I will not hav a Jr.  I told my husband that unless he wants to be known as Old Mike  in his 40's we will not be having a junior.  Plus there can be a lot of problems when it comes to soc sec # and credit report issues. 

FYI: I think it is so ironic that my FIL also wanted a junior but my husband is glad his mom put her foot down or else he would have been Donald Jr.

I read this when I was a kid and was determined to never have a junior

?Phooey on These Juniors?

By Abigail Van Buren (Dear Abby)

Dear Abby: Please print my letter so other mothers won?t make the
same mistake I did. After 19 years, I realize the error of naming our son after his
father.

When he was a baby, it was no problem we called him Billy and his father was Bill.

When he got older he decided that Billy was too babyish, so he asked us to call him
Bill, which wasn?t too bad-we called on Big Bill and the other Little Bill. That
worked out fine until Little Bill got bigger than Big Bill.

Now it?s worse. It?s Young Bill and Old Bill and you can imagine how thrilled
father is to be Old Bill at 44. Not only that, but their voices are identical, and they
are constantly being mistaken for one another on the telephone. Moreover, their mail gets
mixed up too.

It?s a pain in the neck. I should have named him Lawrence, like I wanted too.
I?ve always loved that name. Phooey on these ?Juniors.?

Too Late Now

Dear Too Late Now: New mothers take note

 

queenbone

Um, so he tattled to his parents that you wouldn't name the baby what he wanted?  This is a decision to be made between the two of you, not your families all weighing in. I'm glad you were able to compromise on the DDs names, he needs to compromise with you again on this baby's name. Maybe mix his fn or mn with Eugene or James. (my preference would be to mix YOUR g-pa's name with DH's name.)

tierragirl

My husband is a "II," not a "Jr." but he hates it. It's caused problems his whole life, and not just with the silly nicknames to distinguish him from his father either. Once, we got charged a ton of overdue fees at Blockbuster because they mixed up our account with his parents. Another time, they mixed up his bank account and his father accidently withdrew money from his account instead of his own. In fact, my DH was like, "any name but ____ the Third!"

EwokofEndor

I do believe that your DH is being unreasonable in his argument. You BOTH should agree on the names for ALL your children.

FWIW, my DH is a JR and he doesn't feel like he has his father's identity. That may come from the fact that his parents didn't live together for practically his whole life. I can see how it would be different if they were in the same house for 18 years.

klv

Let me preface with the fact that my husband is a junior.  He firmly stated that he does not want our child to be a 3rd.  Fine with me.  Even though his dad died when he was a kid, there was always confusion in bank accts, SSI, property ownership ect.  It was a mess.

If you compromise, What about Brian Eugene?  That way you can still call him Gene, He still has his dads first name, and he is not a junior.  Or Richard Brian....nn can be Rick or Rich.

tusshie2004

Don't do it!

I feel he is being the unreasonable one. My family likes the name Daniel. My grandfather's name is Daniel. My uncles name is Daniel. My cousin's name is Daniel. My former step dad's name is Daniel. My mom's new boyfriends name is Daniel! 

Err... I can't stand the name Daniel. I feel that a child should have his own first name!  No J.R.! Talk to your hubby. You can compromise.

pms1

Well compromise is pretty much out of the question, His idea of compromise is that it will be a J.R. and I pick the nn. I tried to tell him about problems I know my uncle (J.R), and brother (II) have had, and he said his child won't have any difficulty. I also Suggested using Brian or Richard as a second middle name, and he just didn't want to hear it, so I got angry and cried and said that I hope he only made girls. I guess that I will just have to live with it. Maybe all this will be nothing and when we go for our ultrasound we will find out it is another girl. If it is a boy I guess we will be having Richie Smith.

metzy144

forensicmama:

He is definitely being unreasonable. Perhaps you could talk him into having Brian as his middle name and he can nickname him Junior. Maybe something like James Eugene Richard? James Brian? Either way, good luck to you. Maybe if you break down into hysterical tears, that could help. hehe

this!

veganxangel

pms1:

Well compromise is pretty much out of the question, His idea of compromise is that it will be a J.R. and I pick the nn. I tried to tell him about problems I know my uncle (J.R), and brother (II) have had, and he said his child won't have any difficulty. I also Suggested using Brian or Richard as a second middle name, and he just didn't want to hear it, so I got angry and cried and said that I hope he only made girls. I guess that I will just have to live with it. Maybe all this will be nothing and when we go for our ultrasound we will find out it is another girl. If it is a boy I guess we will be having Richie Smith.

You need to stand your ground and not let him pressure you into naming your possible son something you don't agree on. Although, I agree and hope this baby is a girl! 

waterfly

pms1:

Well compromise is pretty much out of the question, His idea of compromise is that it will be a J.R. and I pick the nn. I tried to tell him about problems I know my uncle (J.R), and brother (II) have had, and he said his child won't have any difficulty.

Firstly, that's not compromise.

com?pro?mise

/'k?mpr??ma?z/ Show Spelled [kom-pruh-mahyz]noun, verb, -mised, -mis?ing.

?noun

A settlement of differences by mutual concessions; an agreement reached by adjustment of conflicting or opposing claims, principles, etc., by reciprocal modification of demands.

He is making NO concessions, no adjustments, and not even recognizing the conflicts as valid.  There is NO reciprocation here, and certainly no modification of his demands.

Secondly, the "his child won't have any difficulty" thing reminds me of the sort of thing parents who use the phrase "my child would NEVER..." say all the time.   I'm sorry, but just having his genes is not enough to prevent that sort of thing from happening.  It happens all the effing time, to people who have common names, and even more often to people who are II, III, IV, Sr, Jr, etc.

Do NOT give in on this, unless it's a name you really want, too.

desdemona39

When he can conceive and bear a child all by himself, he can name that kid whatever he wants. 

This child took 2 people to make, and so both people have AN EQUAL SAY in picking the name. 

He's being a bully, and quite juvenile running to his family to get them on your case too. Don't give in. Your opinion should be valued as well. If he thinks he can just "put his foot down" about this, does he think being a man allows him to "put his foot down" about other things as well? If my husband tried pulling some sh** like that, the kid would get my last name too.