I feel guilty either way... — The Bump
Postpartum Depression

I feel guilty either way...

Long story short - I have dealt with mild depression in my past, know that medication is very effective in eliminating symptoms, went off meds before trying to get pregnant.  Symptoms returned, as they always do, but I toughed it out.  Now, several months PP, I'm really struggling.  I KNOW there are many doctors, and many on this board, that endorse continuing BF on meds, but it's just not something my DH and I are willing to do.  So now I'm here, basically at a point where I'm aware meds are necessary and it MAY be more important to my LO to have a stable mother and harmonious environment, feeling like I fail either way.  It's lose-lose.  I keep BF for a few more months, feeling anxious and shaky and tearful and resentful and getting into fights with DH, and my LO is subjected to this.  OR I give up BF, return to the meds I know work, and feel like I failed my LO because I couldn't just overcome this.  (Yeah, I know full well it's not a mind over matter thing, but the mind and heart can still trick you into that guilt.)  Now, part of me also knows that when I'm on my meds, those "guilty" feelings aren't really there b/c I'm just feeling myself again, and may know I made the best decision for my baby all things considered.  But I really feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place, and no soluation is good.  Dealing with this, frankly, sucks.  It's just not fair to those of us who are forced to choose.  So, just wondering if there are any moms out there who went the course I'm considering - going on meds but giving up BF just to be on the absolute safe side - that are really glad they did what they did.  Or anyone who stuck it out to say, 6 months, that can tell me to hang in there.  Thanks for listening.

Re: I feel guilty either way...

  • Hi,

    Just wanted to tell you I breastfed my ds fulltime until 14months. Now that we have fully weaned during the day I felt let down. There is no award ceremony, no one to tell you great job! My lo is anemic (apparantly my bm lacks iron). I guess what Im saying is it doesnt matter either way. I think its WAY WAY more important for you as a mother to be present, happy and able to enjoy your lo at every moment. Formula is not the devil and your lo will thrive on it. Pat yourself on the back for breastfeeding this long and pat yourself on the back for realizing what you need to be to be the best mom to this baby. No guilt needed. I know everyone says breastmilk is best and Im sure its better than formula but just know there isnt a difference between kids getting sick on formula vs bm. My son was EBF for 14mo and in his first year had pneumonia, 3 ear infections and multiple colds.

    Dont feel guilty. I think if meds are what you need then you should be excited that soon you will feel better and be happy with a smile on your face enjoying your precious baby. *hugs*
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  • The reason I am so grateful that you took the time to write is that you exclusively BF for 14 months.  And still said this.  I guess I assumed many people in the EBF camp wouldn't be so supportive to go the other route.  It's awesome to get more than a knee jerk reaction based on your personal beliefs - I really appreciate that, and hearing an honest assessment of your experience with BF.  Thank you.  I appreciate the support.
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  • I think you need to get over the guilt. Like you, I did not want to BF on meds. I knew I would have PPD since I weaned off meds to TTC and then 10 months of pregnancy. I BF in the hospital and had the prozac in my bag ready to go. I lasted 4 days w/out it and gave up BF then. I have no regrets about it and I think I would have been way worse had I put off the prozac for longer. Get help. You know youself better than anyone and if you need to get back on meds, do it. Good luck!
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