New here...

sarahscoggin

Sorry in advance for this post... just need to vent.

I've recently posted about wondering if I am developing PPD.  Last night, I had a complete breakdown.  I was at home with DH and DS, and I just started weeping.  I resent my son, I hate my life, and I'm constantly anxious.  By the time my "episode" was over, DH and I both agreed that I need to get some help.  It's been so heartbreaking.

The doctors in my town aren't the best, and I honestly don't trust them.  My parents, who live a couple hours away, have agreed to let me come and visit for a week so they can help take care of LO so I can rest, see the doctor there, and hopefully start feeling a whole lot better.  (DH works the night shift, so I don't get a lot of help with DS.)

I'm really grateful for the help.  However, my mom is a smoker.  She doesn't smoke in her house, but it still has me anxious and not wanting to go, though I need the help.  I'm already struggling from anxiety, and add this to the mix.  Wow. 

So, needless to say, I'm one big mess.  My husband keeps pushing me to go and heal up; I can't even enjoy my son.  I'm pretty sure I need to go, too, it's just causing me so much extra worry.  (Though the thought of being able to get some sleep and recover sounds like what I need.)

Any advice or encouragement would be appreciated.  I can't wait to see the end of this mess.
 

Tarepanda88

I can empathize with how you are feeling. I am wondering if I am also suffering from pp depression or if its from the reprecussions of my husbands strict "6 weeks at home recovery period".  I am weepy and angry but only towards my husband and MIL.  The only joy I have is when i look at my daughters face, and I feel so much more calm.  So to hear that you are a big mess and that you resent your son and hate your life is a concern to me.  I would heed your husbands advice and seek out therapy.  Personally I don't think medicating is the way to go, but I do urge you to seek counseling, and groups like this one that allow you to interact with others who may also share your plight.  There are a couple of natural therapies out there that you can try such as: biofeedback, homeopathy (with certified practitioner), acupuncture, or speaking with a therapist to work out your frustrations.  There are plenty more resources out there to help you, these are just some that I know of.  I hope you feel better soon, and start to enjoy life and your LO.

Tarepanda88

I found some websites that might be useful. It was in the packet the hospital sent me home with which you might already have as well. But just in case:

www.postpartum.net

www.depressionafterdelivery.com

www.postpartumhealthalliance.org

www.mededppd.org

www.postpartumstress.com

I hope you are doing well!!!