Who to invite?

Newts Mommy

I thought you ladies would be the best group to ask.  My aunt has decided to throw me a baby shower and asked me for a preliminary guest list and so far I only have family and 3-4 friends.  My husband says that I could/should invite some women that I used to be close with but I haven't talked to most of them in a year or more and I would feel it rude/tacky of me to invite them.  What do you think? If you hadn't talked to someone in a year or more but used to be close would you think it's rude/weird/tacky to receive a baby shower invite? My fear is that people are going to just think that I'm fishing for gifts which I don't care if they get me anything or not I just don't want it to come off wrong. Please help.

rhubarb123

If you haven't spoken to these friends in a year or more then I wouldn't consider them close enough to invite to your shower.  Do you email or facebook with any of these friends?  Maybe if you do...then I would consider it (if they have shown interest in your pregnancy).  Do they know you are pregnant?  If not, then I'd say do not invite them - they are no longer close enough.  Are you close with any woman at work (go out socially)?  Church friends?  I'm not sure how many family you have attending but I had a couple of showers that were only 8-10 people and they were very  nice.

watermellens

Newts Mommy:

I thought you ladies would be the best group to ask.  My aunt has decided to throw me a baby shower and asked me for a preliminary guest list and so far I only have family and 3-4 friends.  My husband says that I could/should invite some women that I used to be close with but I haven't talked to most of them in a year or more and I would feel it rude/tacky of me to invite them.  What do you think? If you hadn't talked to someone in a year or more but used to be close would you think it's rude/weird/tacky to receive a baby shower invite? My fear is that people are going to just think that I'm fishing for gifts which I don't care if they get me anything or not I just don't want it to come off wrong. Please help.

This kind of does make it sound like he just wants you to invite more people to get more gifts  You can have a lovely shower with a small amount of people!

EastCoastBride

No, I wouldn not invite them. Showers are supposed to be for those you are close to.  People who would "of course" want to celebrate w/ you.  If I got an invitation from someone  I haven't talked to in a year and probably don't even know is PG, I'd feel VERY much like I was being invited for the gift. 

Maxines Mom

I agree with these ladies. My DH wanted me to invite people I haven't spoken to in a while, and I did not feel very comfortable doing so. I think small showers are nice, and more intimate.

Newts Mommy

rhubarb123:

If you haven't spoken to these friends in a year or more then I wouldn't consider them close enough to invite to your shower.  Do you email or facebook with any of these friends?  Maybe if you do...then I would consider it (if they have shown interest in your pregnancy).  Do they know you are pregnant?  If not, then I'd say do not invite them - they are no longer close enough.  Are you close with any woman at work (go out socially)?  Church friends?  I'm not sure how many family you have attending but I had a couple of showers that were only 8-10 people and they were very  nice.

So far the list comes to about 20 people but 6 of them are children (18 and under), 8 are family, so 6 are friends (3 I'm not sure they would make it-they're kinda flaky)

I don't email or facebook any of them...they are on my husbands friends list so they all know I'm pregnant but none of them ask him anything about me or how I'm doing, so no interest.  I am a stay at home wife, I don't attend church regularly, to put it bluntly I have no social life.  God knows I love my family but I would love to have some friends there that are more my age.  I think you are right though, fewer people would still be nice.  It would also give me a chance to talk to everyone.

I think that I agree with all of you that we are no longer close enough to have them at my shower.  To the poster that said it seems as though he is fishing for gifts, I don't think it's that, I think he wants me to have people there besides family.  He also says that he thinks some of these people that I was friends with would be upset/hurt if I didn't invite them. My thought on that is if I haven't talked to them in a year then why would they be upset that I didn't invite them, wouldn't they be more upset that I haven't talked to them period?

I appreciate all of the advice! Thank you all so much.

rhubarb123

I think you have a good attitude about the whole thing.  Perhaps once your baby is born you can have a "meet the baby party" and invite them at that time.  In that way there would be couples and if these peopel are friends of your DH's then they could come at that time.  If they want to bring a gift they will if not that is fine too.  I had a BBQ/Meet the Baby Party for my 2nd child and it worked out really well, There were probably about 60 people there and we got a few gifts...almost exclusively from people who knew we were pregnant but had not sent anything when he was born.  It was a fun time and everyone got to see the newest addition to our family.

Newts Mommy

rhubarb123:

I think you have a good attitude about the whole thing.  Perhaps once your baby is born you can have a "meet the baby party" and invite them at that time.  In that way there would be couples and if these peopel are friends of your DH's then they could come at that time.  If they want to bring a gift they will if not that is fine too.  I had a BBQ/Meet the Baby Party for my 2nd child and it worked out really well, There were probably about 60 people there and we got a few gifts...almost exclusively from people who knew we were pregnant but had not sent anything when he was born.  It was a fun time and everyone got to see the newest addition to our family.

Thank you and I think the BBQ/Meet the Baby Party sounds like a terrific idea and since I am due in May we could have a Memorial Day BBQ/Meet the Baby if we feel up to it.  Thank you for the idea and the compliment!

Sonadora

Skip the invites to anyone that you do not talk to/socialize with on a regular basis. What's the point of inviting people you don't have contact with? I would give the major side-eye to a shower invite for someone I hadn't spoken to/hung out with in a year.

melbersue

I think it depends on the reason you haven't talked to them.  I moved away from my hometown, and I keep in touch with some friends off and on.  They are still my friends, but we don't see eachother as often.  I just went to one of their baby showers and had a great time.  I would have been hurt if I wasn't invited.  It was a small town and we were all friends since we were kids, so it feels ok to go a little while without talking.  We still know we are friends.  If you just have drifted apart and don't plan to see them again other than the shower, then it might not offend them to be left off the guest list.  Either way, it is your shower and it is up to you.  I hope this helps.  Good luck and congratulations