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Multiples
Spontaneous vs Natural
I remember when I first came on this board I was super excited to be posting about the twins. I said something to the effect of expecting natural twins... I learned my lesson quickly and still feel bad for offending anyone.
However, I hate the term spontaneous...to me it makes them sound unwanted, like they just showed up...spontaneously. Thankfully I don't get asked stupid questions too often. I remember after my original post I felt like I wasn't even worthy to be having multiples because I did not go through ART, etc. I wasn't going to post because I was confused but then out of necessity and not knowing any MoMs IRL I did and I am so thankful that you all were kind to me even given my ignorance.
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Re: Spontaneous vs Natural
I don't, either. I wrote this in the "Grr" thread below (half-asleep last night so a little goofy... gosh I wish I hadn't checked The Bump when I did, I was so ready for bed!):
Once your babies arrive - YOUR sweet, beautiful babies - it's weird to define them as anything other than just your children, really. I don't like referring to our girls as "spontaneous" either... it feels too formal and distant, like somehow we didn't have any part in it ; )
Maybe I'll call them my "impulse" babies. Yeah, instead of an impulse shopper, I'm an impulse baby-maker
It always makes me think of spontaneous combustion, like one day they just appeared in my uterus.
spontaneous doesn't bother me at all - perhaps b/c i talk in medical terms all day with doctors for my job- and it's a somewhat medical term... i don't read into it and think of other things.
and since my babies are "unnatural" ... well- i don't think about spontaneous too much anyway, lol.
Yeah, I think "spontaneous" isn't the right word for it either. I'm not sure how it came about, but I think there must be a better word for it.
That said, I definitely don't think "natural" is right, because of all it implies for those whose aren't spontaneous.
(And I know what you mean. Sometimes I feel guilty and like I don't deserve to have multiples because I didn't have to suffer through infertility or anything. I have such admiration for the moms here (of singletons and multiples) who have had to deal with infertility. It makes my heart ache.)
How to tell my boys apart
The different types of twins and triplets
Jack, Sydney and Carynne, Annaleigh, JW, Eden...forever in our hearts.
My blog * We made the national news!
You and your unnatural babies...
It could be a Wisconsin thing too... we are leap years behind for pc-ness here! lol
Totally- I don't know what word I would be happy with... I am from the camp that all babies are natural, so yeah who knows... I can't imagine infertility either, I have a lot of friends who did not achieve a pregnancy after all the horrible treatments even.
This. I was telling DH the other day, until i joined this board and community i was oblivious to the struggles people went thru not to mention the heartache. And where i'm not saying just because i didnt go thru it i WONT be a good mother, i believe people who have gone thru these struggles and losses make some of the best mothers out there...just simply because they want it that badly and their determination is that powerful.
I knew NOTHING about multiples/twining/how the process works... and i try hard to be PC and sensitive with every post. (hopefully someone will correct me nicely if i boo-boo)
my boys were a whoops- the best whoops of my life.
I think every baby should just be called a miracle or how about a blessing. Im in love and in la la land. excuse my corniness.
Babies are babies no matter how they were conceived. I hate that people feel the need to to label them. Why does it matter if they are spontaneous or not?
I know how you feel about not feeling worthy of multiples. Its breaks my heart that some women have to struggle with infertility. I can absolutely understand how the term "natural" would offend them.
I'm an odd ball with this. No my pregnancy was "not natural" because I used ART to conceive. My twins however are natural and spontaneous because they are identical. So the word spontaneous means surprise to me!
Also I have to agree babies are just babies.
I think this is at the crux of the problem that many IF sufferers (myself included) have with the label "natural." Honestly, I don't take huge offense to the term "natural," nor feel weirded out by "spontaneous." What bothers me is that anybody gives a damn. You know?
I think the question is unnatural. What gives people the right to ask you how you conceived? It's dumb that people feel they have this right to ask you about something so personal because you are having more than one baby. People don't go around asking singleton moms if their baby is "natural". I get so offended when anyone asks me if they're due to fertility treatments or natural. It's noneyabizness if my hubby and I got lucky when we got busy or if we had medical intervention to get lucky. We're lucky.
Some of family does this, and it drives me crazy. My cousin had IVF and had two amazing little girls 6 years ago (i love them so much)! So now that I'm pregnant with twins some of them tend to want to point out the differences in our situtation. If some random person mentions to them how great it is that twins run in our family, this one Aunt in particular will exclaim: oh no, Aloha's babies are naturally conceived...Nil had to have a procedure.
Sorry if I went too much off topic. I just think it's insane people feel it's their right to know about something so personal. If we all kept within our boundaries then natural v spontaneous wouldn't be an issue in everyday conversation.
No one has asked me if my twins are unnatural. They ask if they are natural. When this happens I always say, "yes they're natural!"
When referring to someone who got pg w/out ART I usually say, "the old fashioned way." The term spontaneous doesn't bother me at all, but "the old fashioned way" is less clinical.
Having gotten pregnant both ways (IF person who had 2 IVFs to conceive, and now pg w/out ART) I still would MUCH rather a non-IF person ask if we used ART, or if are they spontaneous. Even if I don't want to share the truth, I'd rather be asked that way. The term "natural" is hurtful.
But mostly I agree with pp, strangers should shut their yaps and not ask at all.
I think its interesting some of you feel guilty for NOT having assistance and having conceived twins...I've been feeling the opposite!
We were on Clomid when we conceived our twins and sometimes I feel guilty when people start with the, "oh, do twins run in your family?" questions. I want to say, "no, we cheated and used Clomid to get them." Weird that I feel like that was "cheating." I'm pretty sure people who maintain their blood glucose with insulin don't feel guilty...why would I feel guilty for taking medicine to correct a LPD?
Feelings are funny things, aren't they!? I know we all just feel so blessed (albeit really nervous over here
) to experience the joys of multiples!
This is sort of how I feel. I got pregnant "naturally". The twinny part is the spontaneous bit. When people asked me if they were natural, I always said, "Yes, I got pregnant naturally." I some times said "traditionally" bc... well. I got pregnant the ... ah... traditional way :P
Well said.
I never thought about people not liking the term "spontaneous." It's interesting to hear that perspective. It always made sense to me, but like Goldie, I'm used to using clinical terms so I'm comfortable with them.
This totally. I have a co-worker friend who had been married for years and had been trying and then we get married and found out we were pregnant the day after our wedding. Then we find out that we are not only pregnant, but with twins. She was so sweet and supportive but I felt so guilty. It hurts my heart!