How rude am I?

august06mom

Last week, DH had some of his friends over to play music. One of the guys brought his wife and kid, who ended up hanging out upstairs while the guys played downstairs -- I didn't find out they were coming until 10 minutes before they came. I apologized for being rude, but said I couldn't hang out with the wife and kid after DS went to bed. I hadn't slept at all the night before (not sleeping well since becoming PG at ALL), and I was exhausted. I went to sleep at 8:30 (seriously).

Well, tonight, they're coming over again and it's the same deal, except I know in advance that the wife and kid will be here. The only problem this time is that I was planning on getting work done in my office tonight -- I am super swamped and really need to catch up,. But I feel rude again, especially since it's the second time.

DH says not to worry about it, but I still feel rude working away while they're hanging out upstairs. FWIW, their child is much older than DS -- about 12. The reason they come with DH's friend when he comes over is because they live about 3 hours away, and go with him to see his family, who live near us.

A-baybride

Is it someone that you're even friends with?  It seems weird to tag along with her husband like that if not.  Why don't they stay at his family's house while her H is at your house, or go out to dinner or something?  I would feel so awkward hanging out at someone's house like that, and certainly wouldn't expect them to entertain me.

august06mom

No, we're not friends. I mean, I like her, but I only know her through DH's friend, and that's not very much. I guess they tag along because our house is on their way home. We're 30 minutes from his family, so this saves him an hour drive. I think it's weird, too, though, I would never want to do this.

joseysbride

Can you be in your office working when they arrive.  Maybe they'll never know you're there?

This has happened to me a couple of times, people show up unexpectedly when I have a ton of work to do, and I am always torn.  Some people don't understand that if I miss a night of after-bedtime work, it means I have to miss out on time with my kids the next night to make up for it.  I know they don't mean to impose, but I don't want to be rude and unsocial either.

mathteacher

I too think it is odd for the wife and son to hang out at your house.  If I were her I would take my son to the movies or find something to do just the two of us. 

 

I don't understand how trying to save drive time makes an awkward situation acceptable.

 

I wouldn't feel obligated to entertain her, but I would feel weird about her sitting in my house.

EastCoastBride

You're not rude.  If they were upset at you for not hanging out, then that would make THEM the rude ones. 

your DH is the one making plans w/ his buddies.  That doesn't require you to now be the hostess to the women folk just because they come along. 

Do what you need to do.

wildfloweragain

I'd probably hang out this time or try to get some work done, then hang.  Not that I'd want to but it is the 2nd time.  I'd def not do it a 3rd time.

august06mom

Blech. Just found out that all of the guys will be going to a wake (apparently they just found out that a friend's parent died), so she'll be staying here alone with her son while I"m here. Now I REALLY feel rude, and I'm irritated that she's still coming.

Littlejen22

I would tell DH to stop inviting women and kids to your house this late.

Yodajo

august06mom:

Blech. Just found out that all of the guys will be going to a wake (apparently they just found out that a friend's parent died), so she'll be staying here alone with her son while I"m here. Now I REALLY feel rude, and I'm irritated that she's still coming.

How weird.  Her family is only 30 minutes away.  She should hang out there, not with you!  30 minutes is nothing.