If your child plays a musical instrument

AggieCouple

ML has been taking piano lessons since August.  She has been so great at practicing, does it without being asked, and she seems to really enjoy it.  I'm sure all parents get this, but the instructor says she's very impressed with ML's progress and discipline, and thinks that she has potential to be really great.  I'm not trying to brag, but giving my reasons why we will probably continue with it.

Her first recital is next month.  When I asked her if she wanted to play in it, she says no.  She says it scares her to play in front of other people, which I totally understand.   She's timid; dancing alone in front of just 3-4 of her ballet classmates is enough to make her nervous before every class.  

But, if we continue with piano and perhaps other instruments, this is something she'd have to eventually overcome, right?  Of course, she's only 4, and they have 2 recitals a year.  We could always skip this one, and try for next Spring when she's 5.  At the same time, I do think playing well in front at the recital would make her more confident in general.  Both H and I suffer from a pretty strong case of stage fright (H hides his well; I do not), and I think being in front of people is something one will have to learn to just deal with.  

On the flipside, if she freezes, it could blow her confidence for good.

WDYT? 

DandelionMom

You have lots of family in the area, right?  Can she put on a couple of mini-performances for them to get her ready for the recital?  J didn't want to go to her first dance recital but after the dress rehersal she was all set for it (and for the pizza and icecream treat that was to follow). 

If it helps to hear it, I had stage fright as a kid but it never bothered me when I was in the choir or orchestra since I was with a group even while playing a solo. 

Littlejen22

I am not in the situation but does she do it at school or private?  If it is at school talk to the teacher to see if she can continue even if she never wants to do a recital.  If it is private then I definitely think that it is ok for her to do it for her own personal enjoyment and not have to do recitals, I would not make her do them until she wants to, ever time one comes up you can ask her and maybe she will change her mind or maybe she will only play for family on holidays but have something that she is good at, learns dicipline (sp) just enjoys.

firefightersgal

Stage fright is pretty common.  I've been singing solos on stage since I was in 5th grade and I still get some stage fright--even in front of a friendly audience like our church.  (I could totally screw up and they would tell me it was the best they'd ever heard).  It doesn't keep me from performing, though.  Just keep encouraging her and maybe have her practice in front of small, friendly groups, like Gma and Gpa.

AggieCouple

It is a private instructor.

I am leaning toward taking her to see it, and not play.  I think seeing the other kids do it might encourage her to do it next time, without any pressure.  

I just know, though, that for her, the anticipation is worse than the actual event.  She dreads ballet class every time, but every Wednesday, she comes out happy and excited, and when I asked her if she was scared when she did her solo (they take turns dancing alone), she always replies, "No... I was scared before, but when I got up there, I wasn't scared."  Which is the only reason I'm wavering.  I do feel strongly that once she got up there, she'd be fine.

Also, she missed a recent event due to her surgery, where all the kids played in front of a judge and received medals, and she was so so so so disappointed.  I hate for her to feel left out again.  I think if she didn't do it, afterwards, she might regret it.

Carol*Brady

I probably wouldn't push it.  My DD did her first recital (she does violin) at just over 5 but it was a small group in the instructors home.  She did great.  Then next recital she was when she was 5.5 at a church--much more formal--She FROZE...panicked...poor kid.  She was alone when all the other little kids performed in small groups--I guess it was because she took private lessons.  After her freezing she did do a group piece w/ all the kids (about 20) & she did fine w/ that.  But she has no interest in playing violin anymore.  So I've let her take a break from it--it's been 6mo now.  I plan on restarting (with both girls) after the first of the year but if they don't want to do recitals, I won't push it until they are much older.  I always hated them too & I didn't start doing them until I was 9 or 10.  If she still hates it, I'll let her try another instrument (probably piano though she wants to play harp) in a year or so.

AnneUCSB

Eric started piano lessons at 3 yrs old and had his first recital at 3.5 yrs old.  I think he was too young to know to be nervous for his first few concerts.  He eventually got a little shy/nervous around 4.5 but by then knew what to do and still performed.  It helps that they always have him go first since he is the youngest student at the music academy.  That way he "gets it over with" and can sit back and enjoy the other performances.  It also helps him to play for friends and family for "impromptu" recitals at home.  

We don't make him practice much at home and he is continuing to progress.  We do have to go over some of the theory parts of composition (scales and notes) but we do that in bed with the book and flash cards and he thinks that is fun  I think it's important not to push at this age and potentially destroy the early passion for music, so if she REALLY doesn't want to perform, I wouldn't make her.  But also, don't make a big deal out of the concert, just tell her about it a week before and matter-of-fact-ly and maybe she will not be so anxious.  Good luck!