Anyone have family with addiction problems?

AMYfromKY

I just found out my brother was arrested because he had prescription pills in his car (he was with other people).  This is the 3rd time he's been arrested and I am kind of just like whatever at this point.

I love him a lot, but I can't keep being upset all the time about this.  I'm just really disappointed because (we thought) he was doing so well. 

Is it normal to feel like this?  I feel bad I am not more upset, but at this point I can't let it hurt my family now that DS is here.

Violet's Mommy

It's okay not to feel so affected by it especially if it's not the first time you've seen something like this from him. 

Jes.Pup

Yes, three of my brothers/sisters has a serious problem. They are not a part of my life at this point and time.  I am so over the drama and pain it all brings.  I love them always and always will but just can't take hearing about any of it.  

burgle

It's very normal.  We have similar issues with MIL. 

Kasia&Mike

I think it's normal.  My sister has had an addiction problem for the past 10+ years and I'm at a point where I'm seriously done with her sh*t. 

You have your own family to think about now.  

operaapril

My brother is an alchoholic. We staged an intervention with him this past summer. He is married and has 2 little girls. He was drinking every night and taking ambien. He was drinking and driving WITH his kids in the car. After the intervention, he checked himself into detox/ rehab for 5 days. He has been alchohol free for 4 months now. I wasn't ready to give give up on him. So far he is doing 100% better.  Do you think something like that would help your brother?

mattandbekah

my ex-aunt ( dont know what else to call her, they divorced a long time ago) just OD'd last week.  It is okay to feel disconnected, but if he reaches put for help try to get him some.  I dont mean you need to put him up, but maybe drive him to rehab, that sort of thing

AMYfromKY

operaapril:

My brother is an alchoholic. We staged an intervention with him this past summer. He is married and has 2 little girls. He was drinking every night and taking ambien. He was drinking and driving WITH his kids in the car. After the intervention, he checked himself into detox/ rehab for 5 days. He has been alchohol free for 4 months now. I wasn't ready to give give up on him. So far he is doing 100% better.  Do you think something like that would help your brother?

His attorney is working on getting him in a program like that.  I know at this point he would not go willingly, but I am hoping if he is faced with rehab or jail he will choose to get help.

Alex17

My brother is a recovering alcoholic. He's been sober 7 years, but that doesn't mean the feelings just go away.

Look into Al-Anon.  It can help you deal with your feelings.

JungleJulia

Oh gosh. your feelings are COMPLETELY normal. My younger brother (adopted at birth) has had problems with drugs for many years. It got so bad he stole my mom's brand new cell phone, money, appliances, even items from guests who were visiting.

My mom doesn't even mention him to me unless he's being moved to another facility/getting locked up again or out on probation. Whenever I hear they're going to let him out, I secretly wish he'd just stay wherever he was. I know I shouldn't think this way, but his addiction has really, really hurt my mom and I just don't want to hear about his antics any more. He's been in and out of too many facilities but in the end, goes back to his old ways.

I say out of sight, out of mind. Good luck to you and your family.

AMYfromKY

Thanks ladies.  I just realized he tried to call me twice today, but I was away from my phone.  I know at this point he is looking for someone to bail him out of jail, but I know right now jail is where he needs to be. 

The whole situation breaks my heart.  I know addiction is an illness and I wish he hadn't made decisions that led to it.  

SailorGray

My Mom is an alcoholic. She has been in rehab twice. We also staged an intervention with an expert. She still drinks a lot. I love her and she knows this, but I am so, so tired of her crap.  I talk to her all of the time about other stuff and she is one of my closest friends, but I have started to put up a wall when it comes to her drinking. She is in her 60's, has been given every single resource to get well and she chooses not to.  I have my own family and have decided to stop putting so much focus on her issue and focus more on my own life. I have done for her what I can in terms of her drinking. Oh, and yes, I know alcoholism is a disease, but most people seek treatment for diseases and actually fight to get better.

I wish she would get arrested. Her name in the paper may just be the rockbottom she needs...your feelings are totally normal. 

nic326

Yes, my husband is an addict as are his brother and his birth father. My husband, thankfully and by the grace of God, was able to complete treatment and stay sober. His brother continues to use but isnt given any consequences for his actions. His parents enable him so much I dont see his behavior getting better soon. He is almost 30, still in school, jobless and if his parents weren't paying his rent in a high rise apartment near school - would be living at home.

DH's father is and has been addicted to meth for almost 25 years. He has been in and out of treatment almost his whole adult life. He does "well" for a couple months then its back to old habits. Same thing with him - most of the family enables him. DH has all but cut him out of his life but that day is coming. Its been tough for DH because he desperately wants a relationship with his father but he cant continue to be hurt and upset when all he hears from his dad is that he is back in jail or using again.

mrsmyers8

As a person who use to drink, i know people got tired of my sh*t...  Untill someone is ready to stop, they wont.  I would be careful with doing and intervention, it may or may not work.  I would keep my distance from the drama.  One day that person may get there life together, that is what you can pray for.  Its hard to care for someone when they do not care for themselves.  Its also crazy to watch them live the lives they do.  Good luck and your boy is so flippen cute!!

m0132

I think its totally normal to feel the way you are.  I feel that way and its towards my own father.  At some point you kind of say enough is enough and you can't let it affect your life anymore, especially when you have a family of your own.  You can't help someone who isn't willing to help themselves and I have seen posts about your brother before so it doesn't sound like he is ready to help himself.  I barely speak to my father, I don't call him but am totally willing to talk if he calls me.  I see him rarely (on the condition that his CRAZY girlfriend is not going to be there) and that is fine with me at this point, he has chosen this lifestyle and my attitude is to be open and not bring up any past issues when we see/talk to each other and just go on like things are fine.  If he gets arrested or has issues I don't let them become my issues (my poor mom is another story and can't help but feel bad for him and bail him out every time).  I am more comfortable with me making the boundaries, like when its acceptable to see him, but also leaving it up to him when he wants to call or be a part of my family's life.  I am the one who is most this way out of all my sibling, and he talks to me less out of all of them but thats because I don't jump through hoops or enable him, fine by me because my life is much less stressful.  Hope things get better soon for you but try not to feel bad for how you are feeling, its normal and doesn't mean you don't love your brother.

LeahBeah1212

Yes, my dad passed away from an overdose, and my sister is on methadone for a heroin addiction. 

Their addictions have consumed my life many times.  There is only so much you can do for an addict.  If they don't want to get help they won't listen to a word you have to say.  After awhile I finally had to give up on my sister and quit trying to talk sense into her.  Then, on her own she decided she wanted to get help.  It has still been hard, but things are getting better it seems. 

It's hard though because I try not to be too optimistic.  My dad got better and then relapsed so many times I lost count on different drugs and alcohol.  It is hard not to have a negative outlook because addiction is truly one of the hardest things to ever deal with.

Good luck, I hope that your brother makes the decision to change his life. 

Deannabee78

Yes, my parents have been struggling with my two brothers addictions to drugs for the last two years.  I only found out about it recently since they wanted to protect me from it.  However, my parents continue to enable them and the behavior is getting worse and worse.  My one brother recently overdosed and had to go to the hospital...thankfully he recovered.  I have really distanced myself from them and do not discuss it with my parents at all.  I feel like they don't listen to my advice anyways and I do not want this drama to affect my dd and dh.  It does put a lot of stress on me though as I am sure you know.  One thing that helped me is I decided to write him a letter and found that I was able to get a lot of my feelings out on paper.  At the very least, doing that made me feel more at peace.